2008 Championships: The Answer

5-4, Sour Snails vs Squirtle Squad
By the power of Greyskull, the Sour Snails have done it! From last to first in one short year. Forget just the biggest regular season turnaround in history, the Snails fine tuned their roster all season long and then had the machine perfectly calibrated for a playoff run. Meanwhile, the Squirtles had been dominating their conference all year and with Deron Williams leading the way, they tore through their side of the post-season. However, as they reached the Finals, they were faced with an unenviable task. All of their front line stars would now be nigh useless against the high flying Snails.

For example, what could the Squirtle's Kevin Garnett, Carlos Boozer, David Lee, Jeff Foster, Rasho Nesterovic, Josh Powell, and Ryan Gomes add to the mix? Good rebounds, low turnovers, and field goal percentages were useless. Only Deron Williams (18 PTS, 10.7 AST, 1.2 STL/3PT), Ray Allen (12.7 PTS, 2.3 3PT), and Brandon Roy (17 PTS, 7 AST, 1.7 3PT, 2.0 STL) were really capable of playing run-and-gun.

Check out the Snails stable of horses. Steve Nash (11 AST), Allen Iverson (31.3 PTS, 6 AST, 3 STL), Jason Richardson (27.3 PTS, 3.7 AST/3PT), Kevin Durant (21.7 PTS, 1.3 STL), Steven Jackson (23 PTS, 1.7 STL, 2.7 3PT), and Hedo Turkoglu (19 PTS, 7.8 AST, 1.3 STL/3PT). Heck, even the mighty Chris Quinn added 12.3 PTS, 6.7 AST, 1 STL, and 1.7 3PT this week. All of this and Ron Artest only played one game during the championship period.

This was going to be like Golden State vs Dallas circa 2007. Last week we predicted that the fight would have to be over PTS or FT%. How did that turn out? Well, the Snails obliterated the Squad in PTS (635-481) but lo and behold, lost in FT% (75.9% - 79.4%). That should have equaled a win for Brian's Squirtles right? Not so fast we say. How about that sneaky category, blocks?

The championship game came down to BLKs and it was here that the Snails unexpectedly had two more than the much bigger Squirtles (14-12 BLK). Incredible. Shouldn't three seven footers (Garnett, Foster, Nesterovic) have been able to get a few BLKs in? Apparently not. With a last minute pickup of James Posey (4 BLK) and the clutch Kevin Durant (3 BLK), the Snails pulled through at the end and squeaked out a victory.

Amazingly, both the Snails and the Squirtles had 100 transactions this year (the next closest was Pogiboys with 50), which goes to prove that activity can equal success! So at the conclusion of an amazing NBA campaign -- with an amazing champion for us -- let's join in and congratulate Trieu and his truly Cinderella-esque season. To the Sour Snails!

Playoffs: Semi-Finals Results

7-2, Squirtle Squad vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
While the final score for this one wasn't that close, the STL and BLK categories were decided by only two points each. The 3PT category was only six off too. With an extra four games played, it looks like the late season injury to the Pogiboy's Chris Kaman might have made a difference. Then again, would he have provided enough help against the formidable Squirtles? After all, when role player Rasho Nesterovic averages 66.7 FG%, 22 PTS, 9.3 REB and 1.7 BLK over three games, that's a deal breaker. Not to mention David Lee , Jeff Foster, and Josh Powell all contributing the equivalent of double-doubles each.

The Pogiboys had Chris Paul and Rudy Gay (22.3 PTS, 7 REB, 1.3 BLK, 1.7 3PT) but not much else as Gerald Wallace and Chauncey Billups submitted sub-par two game weeks. With a thin lineup to start with, the Boys were had a really nice run this season but in the end, fell just a few categories short of an amazing final that would have pitted last year's two worst teams in this year's Finals. Now it looks like the beast of the East is Squirtle Squad and deservedly so.

5-4, Sour Snails vs Buffy
As this prognosticator predicted, the last team Buffy wanted to see was the Sour Snails. See, the Snails don't care about REB-BLK-TO-FG%, they are built to destroy teams in only five categories and they do it so well that they negate almost all of Buffy's strengths. The positively sick front line of Tim Duncan (19.7 PTS, 11 REB), Shaquille O'Neal (10.7 PTS, 12.3 REB), and Nick Collison (15.3 PTS, 14 REB) -- not to mention the return of Elton Brand -- wasn't of any use when the Snails blitzed them in AST-STL-FT%-3PT. Short of cloning Baron Davis multiple times, this was just a bad matchup for Buffy.

The Snails had four 20-point scorers last week (Allen Iverson, Hedo Turkoglu, Jason Richardson, Kevin Durant) and three in the high teens (Ron Artest, Chris Quinn, Steven Nash). I mean, how you gonna compete with Chris Quinn? He's the man! Seriously though. The boy went off for 18.7 PTS, 5.3 REB, 7 AST, and 3.3 3PT in three games. If Steven Jackson could have hit the ocean once in awhile (25.5 FG% in four games), the Snails might even have stolen FG%, that's how well they're playing right now.

What happens in the championship round? Can the Squirtles slow down the Snails (ironically, it's the two slowest animals ever, I'm changing my team name to "sloths" next year)? I'm not sure actually. The category that might make a difference here is either PTS or FT% and the Snails seem to generally do better in both. The Squirtles have no chance in AST-STL-3PT so it's probably coming down to PTS. Can they get enough firepower to blow out a Suns-inspired Snails team? I dunno, especially as Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen are sure to be rested. Am I predicting an amazing last-to-first season from the Sour Snails? Barring a miracle, I think I am!

Toilet Bowl Finals
6-3, Pooh Bears vs Phanatics
As the undercard during an exciting week, the Pooh Bears earned the number one draft choice by neatly dispatching the Phanatics. While the score might not have been close on the scoreboard, it took a few last second steals by Andre Miller to seal the victory. With injured forwards Shawn Marion and Chris Wilcox sucking up lineup slots, the short handed Bears were fortunate to face off against the equally short handed Phanatics (missing Charlie Bell and Drew Gooden). The good news for both teams is that they'll be in a good position to use their high draft picks to vault back into the thick of things.

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Jedi Knights
With the third overall pick on the line, the small ball Funk faced off against the big ball Jedi Knights and ran them off the floor. By easily taking the crucial PTS category, Funk insured a slightly higher pick for themselves in the coming year. Both teams need some serious help so let's hope they make the right move next season.