Playoffs: Semi-Finals Results

7-2, Squirtle Squad vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
While the final score for this one wasn't that close, the STL and BLK categories were decided by only two points each. The 3PT category was only six off too. With an extra four games played, it looks like the late season injury to the Pogiboy's Chris Kaman might have made a difference. Then again, would he have provided enough help against the formidable Squirtles? After all, when role player Rasho Nesterovic averages 66.7 FG%, 22 PTS, 9.3 REB and 1.7 BLK over three games, that's a deal breaker. Not to mention David Lee , Jeff Foster, and Josh Powell all contributing the equivalent of double-doubles each.

The Pogiboys had Chris Paul and Rudy Gay (22.3 PTS, 7 REB, 1.3 BLK, 1.7 3PT) but not much else as Gerald Wallace and Chauncey Billups submitted sub-par two game weeks. With a thin lineup to start with, the Boys were had a really nice run this season but in the end, fell just a few categories short of an amazing final that would have pitted last year's two worst teams in this year's Finals. Now it looks like the beast of the East is Squirtle Squad and deservedly so.

5-4, Sour Snails vs Buffy
As this prognosticator predicted, the last team Buffy wanted to see was the Sour Snails. See, the Snails don't care about REB-BLK-TO-FG%, they are built to destroy teams in only five categories and they do it so well that they negate almost all of Buffy's strengths. The positively sick front line of Tim Duncan (19.7 PTS, 11 REB), Shaquille O'Neal (10.7 PTS, 12.3 REB), and Nick Collison (15.3 PTS, 14 REB) -- not to mention the return of Elton Brand -- wasn't of any use when the Snails blitzed them in AST-STL-FT%-3PT. Short of cloning Baron Davis multiple times, this was just a bad matchup for Buffy.

The Snails had four 20-point scorers last week (Allen Iverson, Hedo Turkoglu, Jason Richardson, Kevin Durant) and three in the high teens (Ron Artest, Chris Quinn, Steven Nash). I mean, how you gonna compete with Chris Quinn? He's the man! Seriously though. The boy went off for 18.7 PTS, 5.3 REB, 7 AST, and 3.3 3PT in three games. If Steven Jackson could have hit the ocean once in awhile (25.5 FG% in four games), the Snails might even have stolen FG%, that's how well they're playing right now.

What happens in the championship round? Can the Squirtles slow down the Snails (ironically, it's the two slowest animals ever, I'm changing my team name to "sloths" next year)? I'm not sure actually. The category that might make a difference here is either PTS or FT% and the Snails seem to generally do better in both. The Squirtles have no chance in AST-STL-3PT so it's probably coming down to PTS. Can they get enough firepower to blow out a Suns-inspired Snails team? I dunno, especially as Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen are sure to be rested. Am I predicting an amazing last-to-first season from the Sour Snails? Barring a miracle, I think I am!

Toilet Bowl Finals
6-3, Pooh Bears vs Phanatics
As the undercard during an exciting week, the Pooh Bears earned the number one draft choice by neatly dispatching the Phanatics. While the score might not have been close on the scoreboard, it took a few last second steals by Andre Miller to seal the victory. With injured forwards Shawn Marion and Chris Wilcox sucking up lineup slots, the short handed Bears were fortunate to face off against the equally short handed Phanatics (missing Charlie Bell and Drew Gooden). The good news for both teams is that they'll be in a good position to use their high draft picks to vault back into the thick of things.

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Jedi Knights
With the third overall pick on the line, the small ball Funk faced off against the big ball Jedi Knights and ran them off the floor. By easily taking the crucial PTS category, Funk insured a slightly higher pick for themselves in the coming year. Both teams need some serious help so let's hope they make the right move next season.

Round 1 Results: East

Squirtle Squad (14-6) vs Human Amoebas (9-11)
The repeat East champion Squirtle Squad is poised to have great post-season run. While the East seemed to be full of great teams mid-season, by the end, a few squads had faded. Don't count the Squad among them. Suffering from very little injury strife, the Squad has been the model of consistency this year. Deron Williams (19 PTS, 10.5 AST, 1 STL/3PT) has emerged as a fantasy star and along with his front court mate Carlos Boozer (22 PTS, 11 REB, 1.3 STL), have been the cornerstone for this team. Boston teammates Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen have both declined statistically but are still premium players. While JR Smith, Francisco Garcia, Boris Diaw, Ryan Gomes, David Lee, and Rasho Nesterovic don't necessarily get the fans screaming, they ably fill up the box scores. The big question is if sophmore sensation Brandon Roy can get back on the court in time to help the Squad to a championship.

The Amoebas sure are mercurial aren't they? The front line duo of Amare Stoudemire (25 PTS, 9 REB, 2.2 BLK) and Dirk Nowitzki provide a solid foundation for success but this team seems a bit short in every area. Rip Hamilton, Marvin Williams, and Zach Randolph add scoring, but not quite enough to make the Amoebas a scoring powerhouse. Jason Kidd is still an AST master but there's not another player on the roster who dishes even half of what he does. Raja Bell and Boobie Gibson average over two 3PT a game, but half the roster doesn't average any. With the late season injuries to Dirk and Ben Wallace, the Amoebas' hopes were sunk and it's possible that they need a more cohesive game plan for next season.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (12-7-1) vs The Poobic Heirs (12-8)
While it's tough to call this a huge upset with the swell season the Pogiboys are having, it was a huge upset. I mean, the defending champs falling to last year's league doormat? That's huge right? The Pogiboys made short work of the Poobic Heirs, 6-3, and really just outhustled them in all the little categories (AST, STL, BLK, TO, FG%, FT%).

With the MVP season by Chris Paul (22 PTS, 11 AST, 2.7 STL) -- and yes, he should be the MVP -- the Pogiboys bounced into this season with a new outlook on life. Rookie Al Horford contributed nearly a double double and Chris Kaman and Andrew Bynum both broke out. And let's not forget about Rudy Gay, who upped his game to new heights (20 PTS, 6 REB, 1.7 3PT). While Tyrus Thomas, Jason Maxiell, Darko Milicic, Joakim Noah, and Ronny Turiaf all suffer from the erratic syndrome, Chauncey Billups and Gerald Wallace supported Paul in the best ways possible by providing additional scoring, steals, and assists. Add in under the radar contributions by Derek Fisher, Steve Blake, and Louis Williams and the question is: how far can this finely tuned squad go?

We might be thanking our collective stars and garters that the Olympics are in Beijing this summer. Otherwise, Yao Ming might have suited up and Oliver would still be in contention for a repeat. Put it this way. Devin Harris (16 PTS, 7 AST) and Monta Ellis (20-4-4) are now solidly main men in both their camps. Caron Butler and Kevin Martin are top tier options. Kobe Bryant is Kobe Bryant. Forget the fact that Rasheed and especially Kirk Hinrich slipped this season, the Heirs are scary. If they didn't have such a big hole in the front court (Brendan Haywood, Nazr Mohammed, Samuel Dalembert) late in the season, would the Heirs really have gone out so early? Here's a scary thought. Next year, this team gets a healthy Yao back, plus Greg Oden. Yowza.

Toilet Bowl
100AcrePoohBears (8-12) vs Jedi Knights (3-16-1)
The Pooh Bears almost made the playoffs but a three game swoon at the end put them out of the running. That's probably a good thing though, because the Bears might need another big draft. The proud owner of Mike Bibby, Shawn Marion, and Pau Gasol, the Bears had to deal with three in-season mega-trades. In each one, it seemed like they lost out statistically While Andre Miller (17 PTS, 7 AST, 1.3 STL) is having a quietly stellar season, everyone else on this roster has been playing worse than last year. Ben Gordon, Chris Wilcox, Andrei Kirilenko, Peja Stojakovic, Tayshaun Prince, and Josh Childress all did better last year. Rookie Jeff Green showed promise but that's on the court, not necessarily in the boxscore. Injuries have ravaged them near the end of the season (Marion, Wilcox, Gasol) but they still mustered enough to take out the Jedi Knights.

Well, it's hard to call the Jedi Knights inaugural season a success. On one hand, they stepped into the breach when the previous owner left but on the other hand, their record fell to a league low -- with nine straight losses to close out the season. THe good news is that, well, um, Dwight Howard (21 PTS, 14 REB, 2.3 BLK) is a man child? Other than that, this was definitely a backwards season for everyone else involved. Luol Deng, Mike Miller, and Chris Bosh all regressed a bit. Brad Miller, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, and Emeka Okafor were double double machines and provided some nice complements to Dwight, but the rest of the roster was hit or miss. Grant Hill stayed healthy in the Valley of the Sun but he's hardly a star anymore. The Knights have some big men assets but they have to carefully build a team that can truly take advantage of those strengths.

Round 1 Results: West

Buffy (14-6) vs Fat Jubas (11-8-1)
Buffy waxed the Jubas in their first round playoff matchup, 8-1, and with only four more games played. The only category Buffy lost? Turnovers.

This is who Buffy has on the bench: Stephon Marbury, Kenyon Martin, Rashard Lewis, Elton Brand, and Eddy Curry. At some point in the past, that would have been an All-Star team (sort of). It just goes to show how much team chemistry has meant this year for Buffy. With Baron Davis (22 PTS, 8 AST, 2 STL/3PT) and Jose Calderon (53.0 FG%, 8 AST, 1 3PT) leading the way, Buffy has been able to replace the wasted seasons of Steph and Elton. Antawn Jamison is back to his 20-10 numbers, Mike Dunleavy and Jamal Crawford turned into scoring machines, and Shaq O'Neal is contributing on the boards and on defense. Let's not forget about Tim Duncan either. This is the team to beat right now, even with so many big names manning the injury list and the bench. Imagine if they still had Chris Paul -- traded away for Elton Brand at the end of last year. Wowza!

It's been a rough year for the Fat Jubas. Talented beyond belief, they've been laid low by a combination of long term injuries to Dwayne Wade and Jermaine O'Neal. While Corey Maggette (22-6), Al Jefferson (21, 11, 1.5 BLK), and LaMarcus Aldridge (18, 8, 1.2 BLK) are all having career years, it still hasn't been enough to offset the big time injuries. With Leandro Barbosa, Josh Howard, Tony Parker, and Andre Iguodala staying about even, this team should of had the firepower for a big run into the playoffs but they were just inconsistent all year. The gradual decline of rookies Yi Jianlian and Jamario Moon didn't help matters either. Management had to be disappointed with such a weak season after last year's powerhouse showing (and a promising four game win streak to get into the playoffs).

Sour Snails (11-7-2) vs Chunky Monkeys (11-8-1)
What a difference a year makes hunh? Last year, the Sour Snails were at the bottom of the barrel. They couldn't get their first win for nearly half a season and by the end, their team was in shambles. Enter Kevin Durant, number one draft pick and franchise savior! Okay, fine, the Snails improvement probably didn't just have to do with Durant's numbers (19 PTS, 4 REB, 1 STL/BLK/3PT). Consider him a nice addition to a swingman group that really pushed the Snails into fast forward. Jason Richardson, Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson, and especially Hedo Turkoglu all turned it up a notch and allowed Steve Nash and Allen Iverson to just play their games. With this group, the Snails became a fantasy version of the GS Warriors, tossing up ridiculous amounts of 3PTs and PTS. With an owner dedicated to mining talent (tied for league lead in roster moves), the Snails really turned their franchise around and could easily upend the favorites for a Finals run. They cleaned out the Monkeys in a game that wasn't nearly as close as the 5-4 score indicated.

Even with a huge injury to start the season -- Gilbert Arenas, beloved blogger, never made it onto the court this season -- the Monkeys should have been a force to be reckoned with. After all, they made the Finals last year (with a D-League caliber squad, but still). Well, injuries aside, the Monkeys just haven't been as cohesive as they were last year. Manu Ginobili, Joe Johnson, and Josh Smith have been impressive as usual, while Rajon Rondo, Danny Granger, and Mehmet Okur all had their moments. Mo Williams was no slouch either. With other talent on hand like Tyson Chandler (the new Ben Wallace), Andris Biedrins, Charlie Villanueva, and Troy Murphy, the Monkeys had some depth. The problem for the Monkeys boiled down to not having a superstar on board. Manu and Joe Johnson were both 20-5-5 guys, and Josh Smith is a BLK beast, but nobody could push the team to greater heights and take over a game in the fourth quarter. Where are you Agent Zero?

Toilet Bowl
Phanatics (7-13) vs Funk Coalition (5-15)
The Phanatics, as always, look so damn good on paper. Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Richard Jefferson, David West, Marcus Camby, and Lamar Odom are all All-Star caliber players. However, none are the top players for their teams. Is that a problem? Maybe. The Phanatics had a decent season considering they lost Nene for most of it and had a giant hole at the guard spots. Earl Watson and Charlie Bell were hardly fantasy worthy most nights, but who else would have fit in there? Luke Ridnour, Marcus Williams, or Mike Conley? As if. Still, Pierce, Carter, Jefferson, and West should be plenty to make a nice run into the Toilet Bowl and perhaps emerge with the top pick. Can GM Shen do something with that pick to put this team into the playoffs next year?

The Funk always rode the thin line between success and failure and after a promising first season, the wheels fell off the speed wagon and the Coalition collapsed. How many fantasy teams could have completely wasted Lebron James' 30-8-8 season? Not many. But when your team is comprised of point guards who all took a step back (except for Rafer Alston), you've got a recipe for disaster. Jameer Nelson and Raymond Felton are clearly light years behind fellow young PGs Chris Paul and Deron Williams. TJ Ford has Jose Calderon on his team. Randy Foye and Sebastian Telfair can't both play big minutes. With big scorers Michael Redd and Carmelo Anthony slowing down this season just a notch in the PTS deparment, the Funk couldn't stay on the good side of the wins column. Nobody else averaged more than 15 points aside from the big three. And that one guy was journeyman Rashad McCants. Time for Funk to retool?

2007 Championships

6-3, The Poobic Heirs vs Chunky Monkeys
While I wouldn't go so far as the say that our Finals were anti-climatic, it's no stretch to say that the odds were against a big upset. We already covered the numerous injuries to both teams and the bad luck that befell every conference finalist. Our playoffs turned into a battle of the best man standing.

The Monkeys stumbled into the Finals, the Heirs were the dark horse from mid-season on. It came down to who had the biggest star. Who could take their team on his back and win a championship? In the end, the Heirs took it all -- with Kobe leading the way. Ricky Davis and Yao Ming played a big part in the victory but to be honest, this game was over before it began.

The Monkey's best player? Um, Danny Granger? Nate Robinson? Mardy Collins (who is this guy)? Rajon Rondo or Mo Williams? Yeah, Ricky D by himself is probably better than any of these guys. Distraught over his embarassing loss, GM Evan lashed out at his staff and fired his trainer, his assistant secretary, and Cintas, his uniform people. Asked about his plans for next year, Evan responded with "Basketball? What's that? I'm out to defend my fantasy football title. Peyton, LT, LJ, TO, AJohnson; keeper team, what!?"

In the adjoining locker room, Oliver's Poobic Heirs were celebrating, pouring champagne, using Nair, and generally getting rowdy. When the team owner was asked about his thoughts on an epic season, what did he say? Well, there was no response. Oliver was passed out from his Zima-lite and decided to take a little nappy. Instead, Vanessa Bryant stepped to the podium and announced that she would be leaving Kobe and the Heirs for greener pastures. And that she wanted the championship ring as a severance package too. Size five for Vanessa please.

Yao Ming, when asked about his plans for the future, now that he was rid of Tracy McGrady and one up on NBA championships over Wang Zhi-Zhi and Mengke Bateer, responded with: "Wo ai ni. Wo hen ugh." The Big Talker he isn't yet.

So, after many months and an entertaining, and educational season, our champion? From the Eastern Conference, hailing from the wilds of Michigan, Oliver and his Poobic Heirs!

SlamNation Finals 2007

Chunky Monkeys vs Poobic Heirs
It's not a joyous day for the Monkeys. Despite reaching the Finals and having a chance to capture a football and basketball championship in the same year, they'll need a miracle -- a literal miracle -- to win. Check out their bench: Gilbert Arenas, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Tyson Chandler, and Charlie Villanueva. That's the top three players for the Monkeys riding the pine -- to to mention their REB and BLK anchor.

What's left? Um, the Knicks and Celtics backcourt (Nate Robinson/Mardy Collins and Rajon Rondo/Allan Ray respectively) along with Manu Ginobili, Jason Terry, and Mo Williams. The front line? Mehmet Okur, Andris Biedrins, and Danny Granger. Remember when the Knicks blitzed to the Finals without Patrick Ewing that year? Well, this is the 2007 Monkeys. They're at the big show but so hobbled that they might as well just get drunk every night and forget the actual games.

The Poobic Heirs aren't supremely healthy themselves, but they can withstand the loss of Caron Butler and Andrew Bogut just fine. They still have Kobe and Yao (dinged up), and the rest of their team isn't exactly trash time scrubs. Kirk Hinrich, Ricky Davis, Kevin Martin, and Monta Ellis are an All-Legends team compared to what Evan is fielding. Samuel Dalembert, Rasheed Wallace, and Antonio McDyess are good enough to cancel anything Okur, Biedrins, and Granger can throw up. Plus, this team fields the ultimate glue guy, Shane Battier, as tenth man. Are the Heirs destined for a championship? Sure looks like it to this prognosticator. If not, this would be the greatest upset since Douglas-Tyson.

But hey, that's why they play the game right? Even if it's definitely a low-wattage event.

Note: Championship Week ends Sunday night even though the schedule is set up until after that.

Conference Finals: Recap

WESTERN CONFERENCE
5-4, Chunky Monkeys vs Fat Jubas
Talk about the battle of the invalids. Fat Jubas were already hurting without Dwayne Wade and Jermaine O'Neal, but then Tracy McGrady, Kwame Brown, Al Jefferson, Josh Howard, and Zaza Pachulia decided to all take a hit to the proverbial groin too. Cakewalk for their opponents, the Monkeys right? Well, not quite. The Monkeys were already without the services of Joe Johnson and Charlie Villanueva. They lost Gilbert Arenas and Tyson Chandler during the week, and Mo Williams for a bit too. Ouch.

So really, it was like a 5-on-5 game this week and both West "contenders" suffered from major injuries. In the end, the Monkeys squeaked this one out (by 5 STL and 4 BLK) but really, they're less prepared for the Finals since their depth is hardly anything to envy. Josh Smith will now have to carry the team -- and he's capable, with 20 PTS, 10 REB, 2 BLK avg last week -- but he may be suspended. Woo-ha! Can Jason Terry, Manu Ginobili, Mehmet Okur, and Danny Granger carry this team to a championship? Ugh....

EASTERN CONFERENCE
5-4, Poobic Heirs vs Squirtle Squad
Things were a little better injury wise in the East. Barely. The only injury casualty was Yao Ming for the Heirs and Jamaal Tinsley and Delonte West for the Squirtles. Then again, given the injury ravaged state of the Squad (already minus Ray Allen, Nenad Krstic, David Lee, Andres Nocioni), they put up a good enough fight -- led by Walter Herrman of all people in PTS (71 in four games) -- but ended up just one category short.

The Heirs actually could have won in a landslide since they only lost REB by 1 and 3PT by 2. For the Heirs, it's the Kobe Bryant show, as he single-handedly pumped in 37 PTS, 5 AST, and 1.5 STL/BLK. Can Kobe lead this team toward a championship? It sure looks possible against the injury ravaged Monkeys.

TOILET BOWL
5-4, Sour Snails vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
For the two worst teams in the league go the two best draft positions. The Snails really picked it up and took their last few games of the season, putting up an astounding final week stat line of 154 AST, 56 STL, and 62 3PT. In fact, both the Snails and Pogiboys stayed relatively healthy (playing 36 and 32 games respectively for the week) and would have had a great showing in the real playoffs. What if...

In the end, it was Allen Iverson (23 PTS and 6 AST avg), Steve Nash (53.3 FG%, 12 AST per), Ron Artest (2.5 STL avg), and Jason Richardson (17 3PT) finally coming through for the Snails, all in one week. In a week where Florida's 04's won the championship, Trieu's top four picks win the choice of selecting Kevin Durant or Greg Oden. Not bad for a team given up for dead eh?

Toilet Bowl Consolidation
7-2, Phanatics vs Pooh Bears
In a shellacking, the Phanatics win the #3 pick in the draft, meaning that the Pooh Bears, holders of the best record among all Toilet Bowl contestants, ends up with the worst lottery pick. Weird hunh?

Toilet Bowl: Round 1 Recap

The Toilet Bowl may be for the losers but the games are certainly anything but crap. Two games that came down to the wire and both the favored teams ended up losing. Check it out:

5-4, MoRRie's Pogiboys vs Pooh Bears
In a game that made Alvin and his fans stutter with fear, the Pogiboys accomplished their goal: getting one of the top two picks in next year's draft. The Pooh Bears made up a minu-12 deficit in AST in a flash on Sunday and the race was on to win that crucial game tilting category.

With the Pogiboys already suffering from missed games from Chucky Atkins and Darko Milicic, they needed every one of Rudy Gay and Hakim Warrick's extra games this week (5 games for the Grizzlies). Chris Paul had a pretty sorry week (12.7 PTS, 6 AST) but he still managed to contribute 3 STL a game.

As for J's Pooh Bears, Pau Gasol (17.4 PTS, 9.6 REB, 4.4 AST) and Ben Gordon (23.5 PTS, 2 3PT) pulled their weight, as did Shawn Marion (7 BLK) and Andre Miller (8 AST per) but Mike Bibby couldn't come through, especially on Sunday night, as he totaled just 6 AST on the week. In the end, it was a stunning finish as the recently acquired Steve Blake powered the Pogiboys to victory (AST 126-122) with his 7 AST Sunday night. Steve Blake, hero?!

6-3, Sour Snails vs Phanatics
Perhaps due to its low profile, everyone ignored what was probably the best comeback of the year as the Sour Snails rallied back on Sunday to overtake the Phanatics and propel themselves into a top-2 pick.

How'd they do it? Well, we're not quite sure because the national attention was on other games this week. But in a battle of "Are we the worst GMs?," it looks like Trieu had the last laugh as his Golden Warriors -- Stephen Jackson (20.7 PTS, 3.3 3PT) and Jason Richardson (exact same PTS, 3PT) -- poured it on and secured a victory, even without the service of Ime Udoka. Who? Nevermind. Steve Nash's 10 AST per game and perfect free-throw shooting turned out to be instrumental in giving the Snails the win.

The Phanatics had this thing all sewn up but then, as the rest of the season has been for them, injuries hit. Paul Pierce sat out a few games, Lamar Odom took a seat, and point guards Luke Ridnour and Earl Watson (combined for 52 AST and 14 STL) were consigned to the bench. The Phanatics lost AST by 20 and STL by 2. Hum... Hard to fault Ping though, since everyone in his lineup deserved to be there.

We'll have to watch this one on SlamNation Classic since nobody really knows how the Snails took down the Phanatics, but they did!

Playoffs: Round 1 Recap

After Round One, only four teams are standing. However, all four of our finalists are missing integral parts of their team. The Jubas are short Dwayne Wade while their opponents, the Monkeys, are minus Joe Johnson. In the East, the Squirtles are without the services of Ray Allen (among many others) while Oliver's Poobic Heirs just lost Caron Butler for the season. Let's take a look at what transpired in the first week of the playoffs.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

5-4, Chunky Monkeys vs Buffy
The first of our absolute nail-biters this week. Buffy was in control entering Sunday but then, slowly, the victory slipped away. Losing by 2 in STL, 2 in BLK, and 3 in 3PT, this game was lost by the slimmest of margins. Then again, Buffy only won REB and AST by 2 each.

The difference? Perhaps C-Webb coming down with the flu mid-week, causing him to miss two crucial games. Perhaps James Posey or Nick Collison could have helped, but nobody is a seer, even Roger.

The Monkeys must be ecstatic to pull out of Round One with an epic win. Despite being hammered in PTS (594-703), the whole team worked together to manufacture a win. Josh Smith dumped in 14 BLK, Manu Ginobili had 7 STL, and Jason Terry and Gilbert Arenas paced Evan's squad with 12 and 9 3PT respectively. They're going to have to repeat that performance, and more, to upset the Jubas in the Western Finals.

9-0, Fat Jubas vs Funk Coalition
How embarassing. Suffering their first shut out of the season, the Funk went down in furious flames. Sure, Lebron and Redd missed a game or two, but in the end, it was the Jubas firing on all cylinders that prevented any chance of an upset. Andre Iguodala dropped in 20.7 PTS and 11.0 AST in three games, Leandro Barbosa and Josh Howard put up over 22.5 PTS per, and Tracy McGrady had his usual stellar all-around game to eliminate the Funk.

Even without Dwayne Wade -- and possibly Jermaine O'Neal -- the Jubas are our odds on favorite to take the whole enchilada. Players keep on getting hurt but Eric-L keeps plugging pieces in. Are we looking at a championship favorite here? I think so. Just one more win against fantasy nemesis Evan and Eric-L will be in the Finals and fighting for the coveted double-double -- a championship in both football and basketball.


EASTERN CONFERENCE

5-4, Squirtle Squad vs Human Amoebas
The East favorite, Squirtle Squad, didn't have quite as easy of a first round matchup as the West leader. By barely taking REB (+12) and STL (+4), the Squad escaped with a narrow victory over the Amoebas. In fact, if the Amoebas hadn't been derailed by injuries to Richard Hamilton and Zach Randolph (and a ding to Dirk Nowizki), they might have pulled off a major upset.

The Squirtles had a great week from Carlos Boozer (24.25 PTS and 11.75 REB) and Kevin Garnett (22.25 PTS, 13.5 REB, 5 AST) but it was the role players that really stepped up. Walter Herrmann with 19.3 PTS on 65 FG%. Sasha Pavlovic with 17.8 PTS and 2.25 3PT. Delonte West and Jamaal Tinsley also racked up some big numbers (16.75 PTS, 11.0 AST, and 3.5 STL combined).

There is literally no bench on this team (Ray Allen, Nenad Krstic, Andres Nocioni, David Lee, and until recently, J Garbajosa, are all injured) so what you see is what you get. Is that enough to take the East? Quite possibly...

7-2, Poobic Heirs vs Rhythm Drive
As predicted, the Heirs romped over the higher seeded Rhythm Drive. Without a functional Mike Miller, Sam Cassell, Steve Francis, Brad Miller, and Emeka Okafor, the Drive didn't really stand a chance.

The Heirs cement their didn't have one of their best weeks, but three games from Kobe (31.7 PTS, 6.7 AST, 2 STL) and a resurgent Yao (30 PTS, 12.5 REB, 2.25 BLK) was enough to eliminate the Drive. Rasheed Wallace (19.25 PTS, 3 3PT) and Kirk Hinrich (20 PTS, 8.5 AST, 2.25) had good outings too and they'll have to keep it up because the Heirs are now minus Caron Butler.

Can the Heirs beat the Squirtles without their defensive stalwart? It's hard to say. Either way, Butler wasn't in the lineup for this first round, so maybe the Heirs have gotten used to playing without him. This is still a very deep and talented team (Ricky Davis, Monta Ellis, Kevin Martin) so Oliver can still have high hopes for an appearance in the Finals.

Roster Locking, Draft Positions, Finals Format

Just for clarification purposes:

(1) If you were in the playoffs and you lost, it's over for you. Your roster will lock tomorrow. No more games, nothing. Thanks for a good season.

(2) If you lost in the Toilet Bowl, you still play another game to determine the #3 overall pick. Once you win-lose that game, your rosters lock -- which would be next Monday.

(3) For next year's draft, teams that exit the playoffs and don't make the Finals, are slotted Picks #5-#10 in reverse order of the regular season standings.

(4) If you make the Finals, the team that loses the championship game drafts #11, the team that wins drafts last, #12.

The Finals will run Mon-Sun, like a normal week, even if the nba.com site tabulates through the end of the regular season. We'll just cut it off the Sunday of championship week and not count the last 2-3 days of games.

Note: Next year's supplemental draft is NOT snake. So if you have the #2 pick, you get that pick for every round we have the supplemental draft.

Toilet Bowl: Round 1Preview

EASTERN CONFERENCE

100AcreWoodPoohBears (7-12-2) vs MoRRie's Pogiboys (2-19)
After a flurry of activity designed to position themselves for a fantastic future, the Pogiboys still need another franchise player. Chris Paul is nice, as is Chauncey Billups and Gerald Wallace, but another big time star is needed here. How about Kevin Durant or Greg Oden? Nobody needs one of the top two picks more than Alvin but he's going to have to go through long time fantasy nemesis J to do it.

Can a team filled with up-and-coming youngsters (Rudy Gay, Tyrus Thomas, Hakim Warrick) be counted on this week to topple a Pooh Bears team that has really picked it up since the return of Pau Gasol from injury? The Grizzlies play five games this week, and both Alvin and J have loaded up on their favorite Memphis players. Should J win this important matchup, they'll get to add Oden or Durant to an already formidable lineup of Matrix, Gasol, Bibby, Gordon, and Andre Miller.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Phanatics (8-13) vs Sour Snails (3-18)
Actually, let's rephrase. The Sour Snails are arguably the team that most needs a top two pick in next year's draft. After suffering through a season of injuries, mismanagement, and general disappointment, the Snails still have the services of Steve Nash and Allen Iverson, but not much else. With Artest still going loco and Jason Richardson slow to return, can Larry Hughes, Stephen Jackson, Mark Blount, and Hedo Turkoglu be enough?

Oden or Durant would go a long way toward rebuilding the Snails franchise but Trieu has to get through a strong Phanatics team first. The Phanatics haven't won a lot of games this season -- injuries and mismanagement -- but it's not because they've been bereft of talent. Vince Carter, Paul Pierce, Lamar Odom, and Marcus Camby are all versatile fantasy performers and they should prove too much for the Snails to handle. It's not about who needs this win more, it's about who, at the end of the week, can pull out a big victory. We're betting on the Phanatics.

Playoffs: Round 1 Preview

The chase for the Ring begins. All the playoff teams in the West won in the tuneup to the playoffs but that might mean nothing when it comes time to crown our inaugural champion. A lot of role players are being thrown into key roles to replace injured stars so this playoffs could be a wild one. Let's take a quick look at our first matchups.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Fat Jubas (16-4-1) vs Funk Coalition (12-9)
The prohibitive West favorite, Fat Jubas, is entering the playoffs without team leader Dwayne Wade. Just like the Heat however, the Jubas haven't missed a beat, having ripped off five straight wins. The Jubas are sitting the new age Ben Wallace, LaMarcus Aldridge, as his REB and BLK won't help against the Funk. In his place? Linas Kleiza, 3PT shooter extraordinaire (10 3PT in last three games). It's this type of savvy move that could spell victory for the Jubas.

The Funk are ailing a bit themselves, as Raymond Felton sat out Saturday's game for the Bobcats. Can he return in time to turn in his usual stellar combination of AST and STL? The Funk and the Jubas will be hotly contesting the PTS, STL, and FT% categories. It might just come down to Lebron's free throw shooting, which has dramatically improved in recent weeks. Can the King topple the reigning monarchy?

Chunky Monkeys (12-5-4) vs Buffy (13-8)
One of the most intriguing matchups of the playoffs. Buffy started the season as a high flying perimeter orientated team. Chris Paul and Joe Johnson exited stage left, Elton Brand and Tim Duncan entered stage right, and Buffy suddenly transformed itself into a physical powerhouse. Add in the resurgent Chris Webber and Shaquille O'Neal, and this is probably the one team that really gives Evan's front line (Tyson Chandler, Andris Biedrins, Josh Smith) a run for its money.

For the Monkeys, the amazing play of Josh Smith and Gilbert Arenas has been uplifting, but losing Joe Johnson for the forseeable future has probably doomed them to the scrap heap, even if they're going to insert Brian Skinner (31 REB and 5 BLK in last three) into the lineup in a valiant attempt to save a sinking ship. This late in the game, you can't replace the fiery starpower of a Joe Johnson. We smell minor upset.

The kicker here is that this matchup might have been decided two months ago when Joe was swapped for Tim.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Squirtle Squad (14-7) vs Human Amoebas (11-9-1)
The East leader has been dominating the regular season with an impressive roster of draft gems, anchored by the inside-out combo of Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Carlos Boozer. Brandon Roy and Deron Williams are bonafide stars, Delonte West and David Lee really turned it on this year, and even Jamaal Tinsley stayed healthy. Here's the problem though: Ray Allen is out for the season with bone spurs. The Squad already has a history of inconsistency, and is actually only 3-5 after an undefeated January.

Then again, the Amoebas aren't exactly paragons of consistency themselves -- going only 1-3 after an undefeated February. Brian will try to use the sweet shooting Walter Herrmann (15 PTS and 2 3PT average in last three games) to replace Allen, but while he has the locks of Jesus, he doesn't quite have the game of Shuttlesworth. Or can Herrmann turn water to wine and avoid a first round upset?

Rhythm Drive (12-8-1) vs The Poobic Heirs (11-9-1)
Finally, an East contender finishing off the regular season strong at 4-1 since the All Star Break, Rhythm Drive is poised to become the champion of the East. With a healthy Chris Bosh, Dwight Howard, and Luol Deng, the youth driven Drive needs veteran players such as Mike Miller, Kyle Korver, Grant Hill, Eddie Jones, and Derek Fisher to really step it up for the playoffs. Why not pick up Robert Horry off waivers for good karma here? While Emeka Okafor was supposed to make Reno unstoppable in BLK and on the boards, his current injury has him sitting the sidelines -- along with Brad Miller and Sam Cassell.

It's the bad luck of the Drive to be running into the Kobe buzzsaw right as he's setting scoring records. Then again, Kobe better keep it up because The Poobic Heirs have lost 4 of their last 5, and that's with Yao's return to the lineup. Defensive lynchpin Caron Butler is out for awhile (although he could return mid-week), as is Andrew Bogut, who's out for the season. Kevin Martin is getting a seat on the pine too, after suffering an eye injury on Sunday. That's three key cogs unavailable for duty; making a vaunted and feared team a lot less impressive. Stepping in for those guys will be Devin Harris (18 AST and 5 STL in last three games) and the sturdy but unspectacular Udonis Haslem. If the Heirs can beat the streaking, but injury ravaged Drive, they could go far in the playoffs.

Coming later in the week: A look at the Toilet Bowl.