The Last Run

As we prepare to move into a reset year, new rules, and expansion, I thought it'd be nice to put up a quick recap of Season 3. Interest may have waned but the games went on!

EAST
MoRRie's Pogiboys (12-5-3)
After the Sour Snails Cinderella last-to-first run in Season 2, Alvin basically did the same thing in Season 3. I mean, they were second to last in Season 1, went all the way to the Conference Finals in Season 2, and then jetpacked their way to a championship in Season 3. With point guards Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups leading the way, no opponent won more than two categories versus Alvin's team on his playoff run. Despite losing out on the Kevin Durant sweepstakes in Season 2, the Pogiboys never looked for excuses and used multiple trades and savvy pickups to create an unstoppable force.

Poobic Heirs (13-6-1)
Oliver's team finished atop the Eastern conference during the regular season, making a strong case for him being the dominant team during our three year run. He won the championship in year one, finished with a high playoff seed in year two, and finished with the second best record in the league in year three. The only downside is that the Heirs were bounced from the playoffs in both of their non-championship years by the Pogiboys. Despite that intense rivalry, Oliver's core of Kobe Bryant, Yao Ming, Caron Butler, Devin Harris, and sharpshooter Kevin Martin were always championship caliber.

Human Amoebas (11-9)
The Amoebas always looked great on paper. Dirk Nowitzki, Amare Stoudemire (later traded for Dwayne Wade), Jason Kidd, Tracy McGrady, and a slew of other big names. While they had an uneven first year at nine wins versus eleven losses, the Amoebas came back to make the playoffs in their second season and then advanced all the way to the Finals in the last year of this cycle. As the number five seed, they pulled off a huge upset by defeating Season 3's top ranked Shanghai Chunky Monkeys. Now the Amoebas are rededicated and back for more.

Squirtle Squad (7-12-1)
The Squirtles have seen better days. Kevin Garnett was hampered by a knee injury. Bradon Roy was awesome but banged up. Ray Allen and JR Smith provided solid outside shooting to complement Carlos Boozer, David Lee, and Deron Williams, but this team still couldn't get anywhere. All that talent and nothing to show for it, except a Toilet Bowl win -- in the year we redraft. There was a time when the Squirtles were the most feared team in the league, notching fourteen wins in both Seasons 1 and 2, but they slipped badly in Year Three.

100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (7-13)
J's team finished their last season on a five game losing streak. Ouch. As the bottom fell out, the only star pulling his weight was Pau Gasol, as other franchise cornerstones such as Ben Gordon and Shawn Marion played horrifically down the stretch. Overall, the Pooh Bears haven't experienced much success, as they've never topped eight wins and have been the only three time participant in the Toilet Bowl -- but they made it to the finals this last time!

Jedi Knights (5-15)
The Knights had a tough go of it. As a replacement owner who stepped in after Season 1, he faced an uphill battle from the beginning. While the Jedis certainly improved on their nine game losing streak from Season 2 (when they went 3-16-1), their Four Gigantic Horsemen lineup of Dwight Howard, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Chris Bosh, and Emeka Okafor couldn't find the balance to consistently win. That's okay, with new management and a draft coming around the corner, the Knights are no longer playing with someone else's pieces.

WEST
Shanghai Chunky Monkeys (14-6)
The only other team able to challenge the Poobic Heirs for sustained success, the Monkeys were Finals participants in season one (albeit with a ridiculously battered team that started Mardy Collins and Allan Ray. Yes, Allan Ray), lost to another eventual champion in season two, and finished with the best record in the league in season three. That's a lot of wins. Their swingmen heavy lineup of Danny Granger, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Manu Ginobili, and nice depth and balance always kept them in the hunt but without a healthy Gilbert Arena for almost two full years, the Monkeys just couldn't quite win a ring. Still, for a long time, the Monkeys were the class to the West.

Buffy (11-9)
When Elton Brand went down for the season, Roger probably shed a tear. See, they had just acquired Elton a year ago. The price? Eventual league MVP Chris Paul. At one time, Buffy seemed to have the deepest and most flexible team in the league (just a few names: Baron Davis, Tim Duncan, Rashard Lewis, Jose Calderon, Antawn Jamison, Elton Brand, Shaquille O'Neal). They finished 13-8 and 14-6 in the two years before this and were serious contenders each time. They backslid a little bit but still managed to get home court advantage in Season 3 before being upset by the Human Amoebas.

Fobsters (10-9-1)
Was previous owner Ping even around? Jimmy stepped in for him during Season 3 and put in a good showing, going to the playoffs and letting his unbalanced but powerful team some post-season shine. There was nary a good point guard on the roster but Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Lamar Odom, David West, Richard Jefferson, Nene, and Marcus Camby were nothing to sneeze at. Still, that combination of big name talent only went 7-13 and 8-13 in previous years so applause to the coach of the Fobsters for Season 3's upgrade.

Sleepy Sour Snails (10-9-1)
The Snails were a pathetic 3-18 in Season 1 but managed to win the Toilet Bowl and then proceeded to small ball their way to a championship in Season 2. Their lineup gelled D'Antoni-like and Steve Nash, Allen Iverson, Stephon Jackson, Hedo Turkoglu, Ron Artest, and Jason Richardson shot their way to a crown. Then they semi-collapsed for a weak title defense but their place in SlamNation lore will always be secure. Worst to first, an impossible Cinderella season. From now all, any last place team can cite the Snails of '08 as inspiration for future success.

Fat Jubas (9-11)
Eric-L's team made some big moves to try to save Season 3 but ultimately came up short of the playoffs. Amare Stoudemire for Dwayne Wade didn't exactly work out. Shifting Tony Parker away for (someone I forgot) wasn't exactly a landslide win. Al Jefferson lost most of his season and the Jubas collapsed under the weight of injuries, a theme of theirs historically. After a sterling 16-4-1 first season, the Jubas went 11-8-1 the next year but then accumulated problems with Tracy McGrady and Jermaine O'Neal really dragged them down. In the end, Andre Igoudala emerged as a cornerstone but he wasn't enough. Hey, at least he was healthy though.

Funk Coalition (7-12-1)
Despite owning the incomparable Lebron James, the Funk just perpetually stunk. After an inaugural season in which their daring "almost all point guard" lineup sort of worked and they won twelve games, Jon's team could barely equal that win total in the next two seasons combined. Much of the blame could be traced to the decline of a guard heavy roster that included TJ Ford, Rafer Alston, Jameer Nelson, Raymond Felton, Sebastien Telfair, Randy Foye, and other such luminaries over the years. At least NBA draftmates Lebron and Carmelo got a few runs in together.

PERfect

Oh what I would give to have John Hollinger's job. Watch the NBA all day and then apply fun statistical models to everything. As the new season approaches, Hollinger has given a break down for every player and even better, did individual scouting reports on all of them. That's insane! Seriously, like every player has a scouting report.

It revealed great things like how Tony Parker rarely uses his left hand, even on layups. Or how Dirk Nowitzki might be the best shooting big man of all time -- Larry Bird just rolled his eyes. And how Dwayne Wade is a huge gambler on defense. Armed with this information, my (W)NBA career is surely only a few months away.

Seriously, I'd want to these people's jobs: Bill Simmons, John Hollinger, or Steve Sabol. In that order.

Make sure to click on the player cards and check out the Hollinger reports. A few examples: Carmelo Anthony, Deron Williams, and Rajon Rondo. The most fascinating part of the reports is the little line at the bottom that compares the player in question to whom they're most like (at their current age). For example, Andrei Kirilenko is comparable to a young Derrick McKey. Michael Redd is Jerry Stackhouse. Joe Johnson is the second coming of Michael Finley. Plus lots of head scratchers like Shawn Marion is most similar to Chris Mullin?!

In other news, the Celtic's season opener and championship ring ceremony is on October 28th. Clear your social calendars. Also, the special edition DVDs of their season will be available starting then too. The set will feature complete games so everyone can relive their crushing victory over the Lakers. Over and over and over again...

Mid-Season Review: West

Now that fantasy football is over, it's time to turn our (full) attention in the direction of basketball. The NBA has been brilliant this season -- in no small part due to the resurgence of the Celtics. It seems like a transitory year as old stars are winding down a bit and new ones are emerging. How are our fantasy teams doing? Here's the overall stats for each team up to this point in the season and we'll explore brief capsule reviews of each team as we move along the next few days.

First up, the Western Conference. Unlike the NBA, the West is definitely struggling. Only two teams are over 0.500 and those two teams (Chunky Monkeys, Buffy) are the ones suffering from injuries to their biggest stars, Elton Brand and Gilbert Arenas. The West also fields easily the two worst teams in the league, Funk Coalition and Phanatics, who have won one game each. Let's take a look.

Chunky Monkeys (6-3-1)
The Monkeys are reeling from the loss of Gilbert Arenas and have lost two in a row recently. However, with a soft schedule (only 34 PA), they have maintained their top spot in the West. They are second to last in games played and are weak in PTS and REB, a strength for them last year. The Monkeys aren't dominant in STL or BLK like last year either. They are average in most categories -- aside from 3PT where they are top three -- but that's enough to lead the West. Joe Johnson, Mo Williams, and Manu Ginobili are holding it down but Mehmet Okur and Gilbert have been huge disappointments.

Buffy (6-4)
Buffy started off hot at 6-1 but have dropped three in a row. Similar to the Monkeys, Buffy suffers from a dearth of games played (third to last) due to injuries. They are horrible in FT% but are pretty good in PTS, REB, and excellent in 3PT. They are below average in most of the other categories but so far they've obviously been able to win. Tim Duncan and Antawn Jamison have been outstanding, as has Mike Dunleavy. But the team is hurting from the on and off exploits of Baron Davis, Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, and Kenyon Martin -- all of whom have missed significant time.

Sour Snails (4-5-1)
After sporting the worst record in the league last year, it's a huge season for the Snails already as they've won 4 games and tied 1. Trieu has definitely been paying attention as he's used the most linieups by far in the league, looking for the pieces that will put him over the top -- they've won three in a row. As a small team, they're excellent in FT%, AST, STL, and 3PT (where they almost double their next nearest challenger). They're also ranked top three in PTS. They're horrible in the big man categories but that's to be expected. With Allen Iverson and Steve Nash leading the way, as well as solid contributions from Ron Artest, Jason Richardson, an off the chaini Hedo Turkoglu, and rookie of the year Kevin Durant, the Snails are no longer in the slow lane.

Fat Jubas (4-5-1)
Last year's reigning West regular season champion, the Jubas are experiencing an up and down season despite an eye-poppingly talented roster. They're shooting horrifically (9th in FG% and FT%) but scoring tons of PTS, good enough to lead the league. They are however, very middle of the pack in REB, AST, and BLK. Andre Igoudala, Josh Howard, Corey Maggette, and Al Jefferson are great so far and the team still boasts Tony Parker and Leandro Barbosa -- along with nice looking rookie Yi Jianlian. But with Dwayne Wade, Tracy McGrady, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Jermaine O'Neal on and off, it's been a bit of a struggle. The Jubas are too deep to stay near 0.500 for long though.

Funk Coalition (1-9)
Choosing to fight in only five categories, the Funk have always been delicate. Last year, they were a respected if vulnerable team. This year, the wheels have fallen off and they're suffering from six losses in a row with no end in sight. They're 4th in PTS/STL/3PT, and only dominant in AST -- along with ranking 6th in FT%. Last year, they were near the top or dominant in PTS/AST/STL/3PT. Michael Redd and Carmelo Anthony aren't 30 point scorers anymore, TJ Ford is out, and the team suffers from a severe lack of depth. Only Leron James has been a bright spot this season (29 PTS, 7-8 REB/AST, 2 STL). GM Yang has built the real life version of the Cavs; a one-man band built only to lose.

Phanatics (1-9)
This team was capable of winning eight games last season but they're in severe trouble this year. With multiple injuries -- as always -- and little manager attention, the Phreaks have played the least games in the league. In addition, they're horrible in AST and STL. Then again, they are very powerful in REB and TO. What they need is to push every other category up to average status and estabalish some true strengths. Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Lamar Odom, Marcus Camby, Richard Jefferson, and David West should be enough to win more than one game so far.

Mid-Season Review: East

Man, the East is kicking ass. They've got two one loss teams and four teams over five hundred. By the power poll, the third place team in the East (Pogiboys) are better than any team in the West. How you like that for dominance? The Poobic Heirs are milking a four game win strea, the Pogiboys have three going on, and the rest of the conference can compete on most every night. Let's take at what's going on mid-season.

Squirtle Squad (9-1)
The Squad is cruising once again. They aren't dominant in any one category but they are strong in FG% and AST. Actually, the team does suffer from some significant weaknesses, despite their sterling record. They're third to last in FT%, BLK, and 3PT and not great at REB. Then again, they have had Brandon Roy emerge, a mostly healthy season from Jamaal Tinsley, and a great year from Deron Williams. In addition, Carlos Boozer is a maniac. Who else is averaging 23.5 PTS, 11.3 REB, 3 AST, and 1.3 STL? Nobody! The problem is that Boston teammates Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen are producing less than they did last year. Can the Squad fend off Poobic Heirs for the regular season crown?

Poobic Heirs (9-1)
With only one loss -- to Squirtle Squad -- the Heirs are in great position to defend their championship. They are tops in games played but that's not the reason they're winning; they're just very good. They are first in REB, FT%, STL, and BLK. Throw in the fact that they are second in PTS and very few teams will beat them. They are only 7th in FG% and AST (and horrible in TO) but no team can afford to be amazing across the board. Former teammates Kobe Bryant and Caron Butler are tearing apart the competition and Yao Ming, Kevin Martin, Monta Ellis, Udonis Haslem, Rasheed Wallace, and Samuel Dalembert are all great fantasy players. The only weak spot here has been the disappointing play of Kirk Hinrich but he's been picking it up of late.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (7-3)
The Pogiboys are the story of the first half of the season as they've gone for seven wins after winning a league low two games all of last year. They are a drastically transformed team with a full season from Chris Paul and his new cave man buddy Chris Kaman. The Pogiboys are no longer devastated by injury and are ranked very high in AST, STL, BLK, and FT%. They still have significant problems putting up PTS and REB but they're certainly very competitive, even handing the Squirtles their lone loss. Chauncey Billups is steady as ever, Rudy Gay has really emerged (and we won't even mention double double machine Kaman here), and Gerald Wallace is healthy and scoring. It's a shame Tyrus Thoomas and Darko Milicic can't really get it together but hey, the Pogiboys have Andrew Bynum and Al Horford to pick up the interior slack.

100AcreWoodPoohBears (5-5)
The Pooh Bears are a nice story themselves. They finished last season with a 38.1% winning percentage but they're playing even so far this season. As always, they can't score (PTS and 3PT are awful) but they shoot accurately and protect the ball. They have excellent FG%, FT%, and are tops in TO. If only they could get their STL and BLK numbers a bit higher, they would be a quite a threat. A full season of Pau Gasol has helped, as well as the return to form of Andrei Kirilenko (6 REB, 5 AST, 1.2 STL, 1.9 BLK). Let's crank up the defense!

Human Amoebas (4-6)
Always an intriguing team, the Amoebas have started off very average so far this season. They are ranked between 5th and 7th in FT%, PTS, AST, TO, and BLK. They are 9th in STL and 3PT with only one strength, REB (4th). They also shoot really poorly -- third to last. Still, this is a team with some serious talent. Dirk Nowitzki, Zach Randolph, Jason Kidd, Amare Stoudemire, and Richard Hamilton are standouts while Marvin Williams, Ben Wallace, and Daniel Gibons are all contributors. However, Raja Bell, Andrea Bargnani, Jarrett Jack, and Quentin Richardson have all turned in craptastic performances so far. What's next for the Amoebas?

Jedi Knights (2-7-1)
Our newest owner, Chris, is suffering from some growing pains. They are almost the exact opposite of the Sour Snails and Funk Coalition. The Knights are strong in REB, BLK, TO, and first in FG%. On the flip side, they're horrible in FT%, PTS, AST, STL, and 3PT. Their best bet to get a few wins is to push at least one of those latter categories up a few notches. Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, Emeka Okafor, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas have been what you'd expect. However, everyone else aside from Luol Deng and Grant Hill has been somewhat disappointing. The team desperately needs more outside shooting to complement Mike Miller, unless his 3PT are no longer needed at all.

Think Big!

With a highly anticipated kickoff to the 2007-2008 season, SlamNation endured quite the exciting summer. For one, how about defending champion Poobic Heirs having their best player, Kobe Bryant, demand to be traded? Perhaps he’s unhappy sharing the limelight with yet another dominant big man, Yao Ming. Kobe is an all world player but his selfishness is uncharted and unparalleled. Will he sit out the season and force a trade? Let’s hope so.

A few other big trades shook the off-season, none bigger than Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen joining forces with The Truth in Boston. Can Garnett and Ray-Ray still put up their stellar numbers? Heck, can Zach Randolph co-exist with Eddy Curry anywhere except the buffet table? The biggest impact from the off-season may have been an injury to Elton Brand. Roger’s Buffy team is deep but losing the equivalent of their first round pick for most of the year could really hurt. With that setting the stage for our new season, let’s take a look at off-season changes and additions for each team.

(1) Sour Snails
It wasn’t easy but somehow Trieu’s embattled team took the Toilet Bowl Championship and earned the right to draft first. As it turned out, this was the only no-brainer pick of the supplemental draft. Adding the ultra-talented Kevin Durant will surely lead the Snails to bigger and better days. To be honest though, the draft day move with the biggest impact for the Snails might have been Jason Richardson’s trade to Charlotte. He’ll become the offensive cornerstone and could easily set career marks in many categories.

Wally Szerbiak, Mark Blount, Jason Kapono, Ime Udoka, and Ryan Gomes also changed teams this summer but their fantasy values should stay about the same. Adding Juan Carlos Navarro, “La Bomba,” could give the Snails yet another shooter to compete with this season. Hopes are high for a stellar year.

(2) MoRRie’s Pogiboys
Turns out losing out on the number one pick had huge repercussions for the Pogiboys. Instead of being able to draft Durant or Greg Oden, Alvin was forced to go another direction after Oden’s season ending knee surgery. Ouch. The good news is that rookie Al Horford has a big butt and will likely start at power forward for the Hawks. If he can produce a good number of REB and a BLK or two, Alvin will be satisfied.

Not a lot more changes affected Alvin’s roster, unless you count Chucky Atkins, Steve Blake, and Darko Milicic moving teams big news. Growth for this team will have to come from Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, Darko Milicic, Tyrus Thomas, and Andrew Bynum learning fast. Second round pick Derek Fisher should provide plenty of 3PTs but probably not much else. Point guard is a strength with the C+C Assist Factory, Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups.

(3) Phanatics
Nobody knows where on Earth Ping is but his team is geared up and ready to play this season. Paul Pierce may have added two Hall of Famers on his team over the summer but he’ll still get his. Vince Carter re-upped with the Nets, and more importantly, Jason Kidd. This team is deep all the way down to the core. Lamar Odom, Richard Jefferson, David West, Marcus Camby, and Al Harrington all have significant fantasy value.

There is a lack of serviceable point guards on the roster so Ping’s hoping first round pick Mike Conley will be able to contribute soon. If Travis Outlaw can get more playing time in Portland, he should be able to average 1.5 STL/BLK per game and help the Phanatics round out their strong PTS/REB/3PT game.

(4) 100AcrePoohBears
Despite entering the Toilet Bowl as the best (worst) team, the Pooh Bears were dispatched quickly and even lost the consolation game to the Phanatics. That meant they would have to settle for the fourth pick in the draft. Drafting rookies Jeff Green and Rodney Stuckey might be more useful next year than this year. Green has a chance at lots of playing time but all scouting reports indicate that he’ll be Shane Battier-lite, and maybe not this year. Two of J’s top players went through a summer of discontent, as Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko adamantly wanted out of their current situations. In the end, both will stay with their NBA teams and play out the season. Currently, Anderson Varejao isn’t even signed and is holding out. Point guard Mike Bibby is injured and out for up to ten weeks so the Pooh Bears may be in for some tough times in the backcourt unless Brevin Knight can take over point guard duties in Clipperland.

(5) Human Amoebas
Unsure of how his fully stacked team didn’t win the whole enchilada last year, Eric-A has redoubled his efforts and promises to make at least one roster move this season. Last year, Eric-A didn’t have one waiver move or trade on his way to an 11-9-1 season. With no big changes from the off-season, Eric-A can look forward to the growth from Andrea Bargnani and Marvin Williams.

Supplemental draft picks Luis Scola and Spencer Hawes are both big men who should be able to contribute down the line. Scola is a bulldog and will get lots of REB next to Yao. Hawes is more of a project and will likely learn from Brad Miller this year. The key to the team will be simply filling out the middle of the roster as Dirk, Amare, and Kidd cover all the basics. Can Raja Bell, Quentin Richardson, and Jarrett Jacks continue to produce?

(6) Funk Coalition
With a roster full of point guards, Jon surprised no one by drafting two more, rookie Acie Earl IV and sophmore Kyle Lowry. Both will be involved in time shares but could provide the essential AST and STL needed to power the Funk engine. With Rafer Alston and Smush Parker now solidly stuck in a double (or triple) point guard situation, Jon will need his young guys to step up quick. The biggest question may be how many minutes Randy Foye will receive in Minnesota and what kind of stats he can put up. Aside from that, it's more of the same from a thin squad beyond Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, and Michael Redd. Here's hoping Jameer Nelson, Raymond Felton, and even TJ Ford step it up another notch.

(7) Jedi Knights
With DJ Reno stepping down due to personal reasons, we welcome his replacement owner, the ultra-competitive and knowledgeable Superlum! With a roster that leans toward huge (C Bosh, D Howard, E Okafor, B Miller, Z Ilgauskas), Chris wasted no time adding to his strengths by drafting Al Thornton, who should get plenty of time with Elton Brand out for a significant stretch of time. Looking to open up the floor with some shooting, Lum also drafted Morris Peterson, who should have plenty of chances to fire it up on New Orleans. Indications are that Nate Robinson could be in for a big year so as long as Luol Deng and Mike Miller continue their success from last season, Chris' team will be in good shape.

(8) Buffy
There's no way around it, the loss of Elton Brand hurts. Having traded away Chris Paul for Elton late last season, Buffy won't have much to show for the exchange until after the All Star break. Then again, Stephon Marbury isn't a bad point guard himself so there's a chance Roger's team will remain competitive throughout the season even without Brand. Drafting Kenyon Martin could prove to be a savvy move and if he and the team's other draft pick, multi-talented rookie Corey Brewer can step in, this team will still challenge for the deepest in the league. Rashard Lewis moved to Orlando and will probably set career highs in PTS and 3PT alongside Dwight Howard. The key will be if Baron Davis can stay healthy, as always.

(9) Squirtle Squad
The regular season Eastern Conference champion hasn't changed much over the off-season. Ray Allen may lose some numbers by being in Beantown but Kevin Garnett and Carlos Boozer form one of the best frontcourts in the league. Point guard Deron Williams is a full fledged fantasy star and Brandon Roy will emerge as one also (if he can ever stay healthy). The big question is if Boris Diaw will contribute anything this season with Kurt Thomas' departure from the Valley of the Sun.

By drafting Ronnie Brewer and Martell Webster, Brian is hoping that he can get some additional shooting to shore up his lineup. The sleeper here is Jason Maxiell, who scouts say could be ready for a big role in Detroit. The return of Nenad Krstic will help this team too and there's no reason why the Squirtles won't be a formidable opponent this year.

(10) Fat Jubas
Here's the regular season champion (16-4-1 record) back for another shot at glory after underachieving in the post-season. Last year, the Jubas were derailed by injuries to Dwayne Wade, Jermaine O'Neal, and Tracy McGrady. This time around, Wade's still hurt but the talent level has probably increased. Power forward Al Jefferson is now the man in Minnesota. Lamarcus Aldridge will become a scary fantasy force. The addition of the mysterious Yi Jianlian could pay big dividends later this season. Burly sophmore Rashad McCants might emerge as a sleeper also. All in all, with Wade, McGrady, J O'Neal, A Igoudala, T Parker, J Howard, L Barbosa, and Corey Maggette in a featured role, Eric-L's team will still be the favorite to win the West.

(11) Chunky Monkeys
The Monkeys made the Finals last year but had a backcourt that included the likes of Mardy Collins and Allan Ray. Not good. Suffering from significant injuries all around even as they pushed to the last week of the season, the Monkeys are looking to stay healthy this year in order to put up a real fight on their way to a championship.

With Gilbert Arenas, Joe Johnson, and Josh Smith anchoring a nicely balanced team, Evan is hoping that young guys like Danny Granger, Rajon Rondo, Andrei Biedrins, draft picks Marco Belinelli and Craig Smith can step up to the plate and hit their some fantasy home runs. Last year's revelation was guard Mo Williams and he'll probably put up similar numbers as he re-upped with the Bucks.

(12) Poobic Heirs
What do you add to a championship team? How about the number one pick in this year's NBA draft? Okay, okay, Greg Oden won't be available all of 2007-2008 but next year, he could turn out to be a tremendous value selection for Oliver. If any team can have the patience to wait on Mr.Oden, it's this one. With good players all the way to the bottom of the roster, the Heirs passed up on their second round supplemental pick as they elected to hold onto everyone from last year's team, save Jeff Foster.

It's hard not to argue with a starting lineup that features an underrated Kirk Hinrich, all world Kobe Bryant, monster thief Caron Butler, mercurial Rasheed Wallace, and Yao Ming. With a second five that consists of Ricky Davis, Andrew Bogut, Kevin Martin, Monta Ellis, and Shane Battier, Oliver's team should be stacked once again. After spurting through the playoffs despite a barely over 0.500 record, nobody will take the Poobic Heirs lightly again.

DJ

"Dennis Johnson, the star NBA guard who was part of three championships and teamed with Larry Bird on one of the great postseason plays, died Thursday after collapsing at the end of his developmental team's practice. He was 52."

Bill Simmons on DJ
Jack McCallum on DJ
CNNSI Photo Gallery

Fabulous?

"An unhappy Chris Webber getting benched in crunch time for two straight weeks and going public with his unhappiness, followed by the Sixers basically telling him, 'Look, we can't trade you, you make $20 million a year and you run with a limp, even Isiah won't return our calls for God's sake,' followed by C-Webb coming down with a mystery injury and disappearing into thin air.

And if that's not enough, Shavlik Randolph took his job and even happens to be playing pretty well. Did you ever think in a kajillion years that C-Webb, one of the 10 greatest power forwards of all time, would lose his job to Shavlik Freaking Randolph? Meanwhile, Juwan Howard is a contract albatross in Houston, Jalen Rose can't get any minutes in Phoenix, and I think Jimmy King made me an Animal-style burger at In-N-Out last night. So much for the Fab Five."
-Bill Simmons, The Leastern Conference-

Redd-rum

Despite a sterling three wins without the heart and soul (and fist) of the team, Carmelo Anthony, the citizens of Funk-land are in no mood to celebrate Anthony's impending return. The reason? In the immortal words of Howard Cosell, "Down goes Redd! Down goes Redd!"

In case you missed that historic call, Michael Redd, the sweet-shooting lefty with the big noggin and receding hairline, is headed to the bench for six weeks after suffering a cruel twist of fate -- otherwise known as a knee injury.

The Funk were looking forward to being at full strength again -- with Anthony and Sam Cassell both returning to the lineup -- but have resigned themselves to fighting for the conference lead with yet another high scoring marquee player dinged up. What could go wrong next? Lebron James gets injured during a commercial shoot? Matt Barnes turns Average Joe? Earl Boykins isn't tall enough to get on Splash Mountain and then gets traded (a good thing in this particular case)? The Funk are ready for anything.

In related news, the Funk are in desperate talks to move some of his pieces around for another point guard. Calling all point guard owning owners. Rumors abound that Mehmet Okur is on the block, along with a bevy of nice add-ons, including a nifty new Apple iPhone for the team who is willing to deal with Funk. Please, someone, trade with me.

We're Famous: Part 2

Jon, CA: We play Head-to-Head and are having issues with uneven Games Played and also, because we set up weekly lineups, injuries can take its toll. Which do you prefer?

(1) Weekly or Daily lineups. And one good reason why you chose one over the other.

(2) To just let Games Played balance itself out during the week -- there is no season cap. Or to set it up so weekly averages can be taken into effect -- which no provider currently can do.

Keith Lipscomb: It's a tough issue that every league has to deal with, but one thing I feel is important in fantasy basketball is demonstrating depth on your team. Many, many years ago I was in a league that used averages and weekly lineups. The problem with that was that you weren't penalized when one of your best players missed a game or two by having to sub in a lesser player and thus, bring your averages down.

So, to answer your questions, I like daily lineups which promotes depth and staying on top of your roster (provided you have good, dedicated owners). One thing I like about the leagues I'm in is we have a transaction limit so that teams aren't just rotating end-of-the-bench options each week to gain a few extra in "need" categories. We have it at 40 pickups for the season and no more than 3 in any one week, which still might be a little high but it helps with competitive balance.
-Wednesday's ESPN Chat-

Question from 10/30/2006

Melo Gonna Knock You Out

In a display of pugnaciousness, Carmelo Anthony, league scoring leader and potential MVP-candidate, took it to the streets and proved that he was no pretty boy by socking a member of the hated Knicks. For some reason, the Denver-New York rivalry has been slept on for like, well, for forever. With one swift kung-fu fist, Anthony put the "bocker" in Knickerbocker and escalated an otherwise tense but controllable situation. Good job guy, way to go! Do the words "looming suspension" mean anything to you?

While Funk representaties were appalled by this show of violence and crushed by the time that Melo is sure to miss, they had a smile on their faces as they shrugged away Melo's actions. GM Yang said, "Every man has a line, you cross that line and you gotta go down. Honor, integrity, and punching a guy when he's not looking is what we're all about."

Don't let that charming smile and the chubby cheeks fool you, Melo is an assassin. While Lebron certainly has the muscle to be the muscle, team insiders say that Carmelo is the real "heavy." It's pretty rare that the top scorer on the team is also the glue guy and the enforcer but in this case, it's exactly the role Melo plays for his team. Lebron is good in dark alleys with no photographers around but once the media spotlight is on, Lebron refuses to use his bulk in combat. No such hesitation or reservations for Anthony, obviously.

Little is known of Carmelo's turbulent past in the rough streets of Baltimore but it's rumored that he has street cred on the level of a Tupac or dare we say it, a Biggie. Melo has been known to bankroll a slew of inner city projects; from films and parties to soup kitchens, turkey bakes, and the annual lemonade expo.

What can we say? This moment was coming. You can take a man out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto of the man. Plus, it's the damn Knicks, they deserved it (see below). One word of advice to David Stern and other foes of Funk Coalition: "Stop Snitching."

PS: How dumb are the Knicks? Their smallest (Nate Robinson) and skinniest (Jared Jeffries) players are the ones trying to start everything? Who's gonna back them up? All those swingmen and point guards? You know Eddy Curry couldn't get over in time to do anything-- unless there was a buffet to clean up. Ridiculous.

Stuffed?

Gotta love blogs that focus solely on one subject -- in our case, fantasy basketball. It just points to an one minded obsession that we all know and love. What's your fantasy routine each day? Does it involve opening up ten different tabs in Firefox and then quickly get out ESPN, CNNSI, etc. I find that my attention span lasts about ten seconds per page. The only things I'll stop to read is The Daily Dime, the box scores, my weekly matchup information, and then maybe research a few free agents. Of course, I do this five times a day, but so what, I'm not addicted.

The Fantasy Basketball blog has an interesting write up about the use of bench spots.

Notorious B.Y.N.U.M

In a stunning turn of events, the Lakers might have found the next Shaq. Well, that's going a bit far but when you already have a teenage phenom as the face of your franchise, why not add another? Presenting Andrew Bynum, all of 19 years old, putting up 20 PTS, 14 REB, and 3 BLK against the KG-led Timberwolves last night. Oh, did we mention that he's currently 38th on the player rater (according to Yahoo) and he's sitting right between Yao Ming and Ben Wallace in the Center rankings?

"I go to Jacob with 25 thou, you go with 25 hundred, wow."

Of course, this is only through five games so let's not get too excited here, but Bynum has show flashes of his coming dominance, even with main man Kobe returning to the floor. Averages of 13 PTS, 7.6 REB, 1.6 AST and 1.4 BLK (with 0.677 FG% and 0.767 FT%) show that he could be headed for great things in the future. His numbers are equitable to the Big Daddy's right now (14 PTS, 7 REB, 1.5 BLK in two games) and while we don't want to overhype anyone, Bynum has expressed a desire to sign a long contract extension with the Funk Coalition.

A Funk representative, the training room assistant, said, "It's clear that Andrew is a budding talent and with his energy and enthusiasm leading the way, I think we can assemble a young front line to help Lebron lead us into the next century. Bynum may be too good to sit on the bench, perhaps our shift to a small ball strategy was pre-mature. Look for big changes next week as we try to use some of our uber-talented big men to dominate our foes. This opinion has been sponsored by cold water Tide with extra bleach..."

The One Ring

Bill Russell has eleven, Mike Jordan has six (as does Robert Horry), Magic and Rodman each earned five, Shaq has four, Larry's won three, and even little Stevie Kerr has five. Dwayne got his last year, Lebron's still looking, and Stockton, Malone, Barkley and a whole slew of other superstars will never get one.

So the question is: How many rings do you want?

I've personally been lusting after a fantasy championship ring since Josten's started producing football ones a few years ago. Sadly, both of my fantasy championships (one each in football and basketball) came pre-ring era. Now that we present each winner with a ring, I can't win a damn thing. My keeper football team is in shambles, our old basketball league fell apart...

But it's the dawn of a new day. Josten's has finally released fantasy basketball rings (along with baseball and hockey versions) and I've already got my fingers sized up. In fact, I've already figured out which finger(s) will be decorated first. I'd like to get one hand full of football rings and the other full of basketball rings.

I'm gonna look pretty stupid at forty years old wearing my fantasy bling, but hey, I'll have earned it and I'm gonna show off my hardware with pride -- forever.

The hunt for our inaugural championship ring starts today, get geeked.

First Question Is...

"Jon, CA: We just started a league where we don't use any positions, what do you think the ramifications of doing this will be? And would you say that's a good or bad idea? 10 starters, 5 bench, 9 category H2H, with no positions......

Keith Lipscomb: As long as everyone's playing by the same rules, I don't see any problems with any quirks, really. Sure, some teams will load up on a category or two, but they will likely be deficient in an area as well. It should be interesting to see how that plays out."
-espn, chat wrap, 10/30-

Damn, if I had known he was going to answer (never mind as the first question), I would have asked something more exciting. Like, "With Red Auerbach's passing, would it be okay to pull a 'Red' and draft Joakim Noah this year for my keeper league? Only to honor Auerbach's memory and general managering savvy of course."

Mr. Irrelevant

With the last pick of the 2006 SlamNation draft, GM Reno took rookie Lakers' point guard Jordan Farmar. Mr Farmar was very excited about his new role as cheerleader-slash-fifteenth man on Rhythm Drive. After starring on a perennially underachieving UCLA team, Farmar stated that he was just happy to make it to the "big leagues." He's hoping that Steve Francis will take him under his wing and teach him how to get traded twice in a career. In fact, once team owner Reno was reached for comment, he seemed confused and said "Jordan Farmar? I wanted Michael Jordan! Who is this guy? Trade him immediately!"

Despite not having the full support of his team (or teammates), Farmar is dedicated to signing a few endorsement deals before he gets cut. As the new "Mr Irrelevant," he hopes to spin his five minutes of fame into a book deal, an inspirational song, and a Saturday Night Live hosting gig. "I'll be looking forward to expanding my career. I'm open to taking any advice that talent scouts -- or coaches -- throw my way."

From the looks of his signing party, Farmar seems to be quite capable of listening intently. Look at the size of those ears...

Geeks + Fantasy = Dorks

We can't avoid it, we just all love numbers! While the league is still setting up, the pocket calculators, Excel spreadsheets, and number crunching has started. As if playing fantasy sports wasn't nerdy enough, Evan had to go and generate a projected stats sheet for our current rosters (through the 9th round). Break out that abacus baby!

What his in-depth statistics have revealed to us is that we are all lacking in something -- as if we didn't know that already. There is no dominant team by any stretch of the imagination and every team has numerous strengths and weaknesses. The statistics don't take into account the turnover (TO) ranking so it's slightly skewed to the smaller teams. While these numbers are not meant to imply that these are the best teams, they can certainly give us an idea of how our drafts are going.

Plus it reveals such tidbits as "Hey, I thought my STLs were much higher! What happened?" We've only got a few more rounds here to go so if you need something to boost one of your categories up a little bit, now's the time! And, keep in mind, we're going head-to-head so sometimes, it really doesn't matter how you rank, as long as you win. I mean, C Webb and Starbury are great numbers guys but they've never won a thing...

So, for your enjoyment, here are the initial rosters and the stats (updated through RD 11) from Evan -- also available on the blog's sidebar. Now, a magician can't reveal all his secrets, so he's withheld the more intimidate personnel details, but he has been kind enough to show us this. For that we applaud him.

If knowing is half the battle, then getting another person to do the Excel work is the other half. Thanks man.

Green with Envy

Yesterday, a terrible tragedy occured, one involving new Boston Celtics' point guard Sebastien Telfair. No, we're not talking about him getting his $50,000 chain getting snatched, or the subsequent shooting-related (guns, not baskets) accusation lowered at him. We're talking about Alvin picking Telfair near the bottom of the ninth. The crime was approximately committed around 5:48pm EST, approximately. This bold move, unmistakably a declaration of metaphorical rochambo, sent shockwaves through the Funk household. Much cursing and swearing was undertaken before a calm settled in. "I'll just take one of his guys...!"

Then, in an obviously coordinated move to further mess up the Funk Coalition's funk, the Celtics' other point guard of the future, RaJON Rondo, was stolen by Trieu in the tenth -- a mere three hours after Telfair was kidnapped. Can we say "conspiracy?"

Both players were crushed by the idea of suiting up for a non-Funk Coalition affiliated team. Telfair and Rondo had their morale destroyed and their will to play basketball might be dashed beyond repair. Telfair and Rondo said, in unison, that they would not so much as touch a basketball all season if that's what it took be to waived or traded to the Coalition.

In an inspiring show of solidarity, other non-Funk affiliated Celtics Paul Pierce and Wally Szerbiak have also declared themselves unwilling to play this season. In a statement released by Funk Coalition owner Jon, he acknowledged that it would be a great idea if Pierce, Telfair, and Rondo sit the year out. However, he did add that, "Wally can play all he wants, that guy sucks. By playing he'll actually help me more than if he were on my team. Play on Wally!"

To sum up the general mood around these parts...

"Grab ya glocks, when you see Tupac
Call the cops, when you see Tupac, uhh
Who shot me, but ya punks didn't finish
Now ya bout to feel the wrath of a menace
n*****, I hit em' up..."

But in the spirit of peace, co-existence, league unity, and of doing no violence upon any man, we'll settle this one on the court. Trieu, Alvin...that's right, we're gonna take it...we're gonna take it to the streets!

The Rivalry Starts Today

West
The Western Conference is looking like it's going to shape to be a high flying conference, just like the NBA -- Paul Westphal (and Mike D'Antoni) would be proud. Traditionally the West has been about flash and dash. It looks like "Showtime" won't be leaving the West Coast anytime soon.

Nowhere is this entertaining aesthetic more true than Trieu's ironically named Sour Snails. PGs Steve Nash and Allen Iverson will be perfect complements in the backcourt as they speed their way to a flurry of points, assists, threes, and stls. And what about Roger's duo of Chris Paul and Joe Johnson? Both are stellar playmakers in their own right and with sweet shooting Rashard Lewis and Antawn Jamison spreading the floor, they'll be racking up the assists. Paul and Johnson are the Kidd and Pierce of their generation.

Two of this conferences' best teams will be Eric-L and Ping's core of swingmen. Ping has Paul Pierce and Vince Carter, two of the most well-rounded fantasy players out there (along with the equally explosive Richard Jefferson in a later round). Each are explosive and fully in their primes. The Half-Man, Half-Amazing Truth is that the Phanatics will be flying high out of the gates. Eric-L's team has Dwayne Wade and Tracy McGrady, who are just as talented and effective as Pierce-Carter. If McGrady can stay healthy, he's one of the top fantasy players in the game. I'd like to dub them "T-Wac." Don't forget that Eric-L's power forward Jermaine O'Neal isn't exactly a stick in the mud either.

As for Jon's Funk Coalition, they're ready to get into a shoot out every game with Michael Redd and Carmelo spotting up, while the passing genius of Lebron James finds them. Who needs rebounders when you ever only hit the bottom of the net? The sole Western team featuring any semblance of a traditional post power is Evan's, with Tim Duncan anchoring the middle. But even this team will be high flying as number zero Gilbert Arenas takes the ball coast to coast by himself or with the "Human Movie Trailer," Josh Smith, at his side.

East
It's a slightly different story in the East, where every team (save one) has a legitmate big man or 7-footer. The East is all about roughing up those flashy Western teams. The Bad Boy owners of the Midwest had a defensive philosophy ingrained into them at a young age so it's no surprise that they've pretty much cornered the market on stellar big men. In fact, cornering the entire market on up-and-coming big men is DJ Reno, who doubled up with both Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard. Thus, two of the most successful direct out of high school draft picks now get to play side by side and they'll punish any foes who dare to enter the lane (Brad Miller in Round 4 makes it three human trees in four rounds for Reno).

Understanding that balanced inside-out play can be the key to success, East owners Brian, Oliver, and Alvin all went big and small with their first two picks. Alvin took hometown hero Chauncey Billups, along with punishing power forward Elton Brand -- who both had career years last year and are sitting solidly in their primes. Brian's combination of Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett pretty much covers every conceivable stat category in the game and with the addition of rough-n-tough Carlos Boozer and mini-KG, Boris Diaw, looks pretty damn formidable.

The really scary Gumby & Pokey combination is Kobe and Yao, who might very well become a real Lakers' combination if Jerry Buss can help it. Oliver's Italian and Chinese born talents are both (arguably) the best in the game at their position -- and Yao is finally showing how dominant he can be; and not just at math.

Proving that he's all about flexibility, Eric-A went right to work putting Mr Fantastic, Dirk Nowitzki (a true standout in all 9 categories) and Jason Kidd (the most versatile PG of his era) together. In addition, this year's X-Factor, Amare Stoudamire, might just return to his dominant self and provide another inside force in the East. This superhero themed team is crazy versatile and crazy dangerous. Adding multiple defensive player of the year Ben Wallace could insure the BLKs title for Eric-A.

One team that might be even more BLK crazy is Jose's duo of Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko. The Matrix and AK47 will wreak havoc in every defensive category and then some. In rotisserie leagues both are usually top three players. How will their talents mesh together? It looks like J's team will not rough you up on D as much as finesse their way to stopping you from achieving your goal. The addition of point guards Mike Bibby and Andre Miller point this team toward an untraditional non-points based emphasis. The Pooh Bears are my pre-season pick for most interesting squad to watch.

So, which conference is better?... Can't we all just get along?

Behind the Scenes...

All hail the king! With our inaugural 12 teams set up and ready to embark on an epic journey, the Slamnation board of trustees opened up the coffers and sprung for an all expenses paid trip to the espn.com headquarters -- located strategically at espn.com. New owner Trieu had been to espn.com before (in fact, every day) but he'd never been a VIP before. Mr T was flabbergasted at being given access to never before seen parts of the site. "They showed me the source code, they showed me the embedded links, they switched off the lights and told me to bend over, I saw where the magic happens. I loved it."

The other eleven owners had been here and seen that before. They just hung out on the front page and waited for Bill Simmons to show up. He never did.