Think Big!

With a highly anticipated kickoff to the 2007-2008 season, SlamNation endured quite the exciting summer. For one, how about defending champion Poobic Heirs having their best player, Kobe Bryant, demand to be traded? Perhaps he’s unhappy sharing the limelight with yet another dominant big man, Yao Ming. Kobe is an all world player but his selfishness is uncharted and unparalleled. Will he sit out the season and force a trade? Let’s hope so.

A few other big trades shook the off-season, none bigger than Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen joining forces with The Truth in Boston. Can Garnett and Ray-Ray still put up their stellar numbers? Heck, can Zach Randolph co-exist with Eddy Curry anywhere except the buffet table? The biggest impact from the off-season may have been an injury to Elton Brand. Roger’s Buffy team is deep but losing the equivalent of their first round pick for most of the year could really hurt. With that setting the stage for our new season, let’s take a look at off-season changes and additions for each team.

(1) Sour Snails
It wasn’t easy but somehow Trieu’s embattled team took the Toilet Bowl Championship and earned the right to draft first. As it turned out, this was the only no-brainer pick of the supplemental draft. Adding the ultra-talented Kevin Durant will surely lead the Snails to bigger and better days. To be honest though, the draft day move with the biggest impact for the Snails might have been Jason Richardson’s trade to Charlotte. He’ll become the offensive cornerstone and could easily set career marks in many categories.

Wally Szerbiak, Mark Blount, Jason Kapono, Ime Udoka, and Ryan Gomes also changed teams this summer but their fantasy values should stay about the same. Adding Juan Carlos Navarro, “La Bomba,” could give the Snails yet another shooter to compete with this season. Hopes are high for a stellar year.

(2) MoRRie’s Pogiboys
Turns out losing out on the number one pick had huge repercussions for the Pogiboys. Instead of being able to draft Durant or Greg Oden, Alvin was forced to go another direction after Oden’s season ending knee surgery. Ouch. The good news is that rookie Al Horford has a big butt and will likely start at power forward for the Hawks. If he can produce a good number of REB and a BLK or two, Alvin will be satisfied.

Not a lot more changes affected Alvin’s roster, unless you count Chucky Atkins, Steve Blake, and Darko Milicic moving teams big news. Growth for this team will have to come from Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, Darko Milicic, Tyrus Thomas, and Andrew Bynum learning fast. Second round pick Derek Fisher should provide plenty of 3PTs but probably not much else. Point guard is a strength with the C+C Assist Factory, Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups.

(3) Phanatics
Nobody knows where on Earth Ping is but his team is geared up and ready to play this season. Paul Pierce may have added two Hall of Famers on his team over the summer but he’ll still get his. Vince Carter re-upped with the Nets, and more importantly, Jason Kidd. This team is deep all the way down to the core. Lamar Odom, Richard Jefferson, David West, Marcus Camby, and Al Harrington all have significant fantasy value.

There is a lack of serviceable point guards on the roster so Ping’s hoping first round pick Mike Conley will be able to contribute soon. If Travis Outlaw can get more playing time in Portland, he should be able to average 1.5 STL/BLK per game and help the Phanatics round out their strong PTS/REB/3PT game.

(4) 100AcrePoohBears
Despite entering the Toilet Bowl as the best (worst) team, the Pooh Bears were dispatched quickly and even lost the consolation game to the Phanatics. That meant they would have to settle for the fourth pick in the draft. Drafting rookies Jeff Green and Rodney Stuckey might be more useful next year than this year. Green has a chance at lots of playing time but all scouting reports indicate that he’ll be Shane Battier-lite, and maybe not this year. Two of J’s top players went through a summer of discontent, as Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko adamantly wanted out of their current situations. In the end, both will stay with their NBA teams and play out the season. Currently, Anderson Varejao isn’t even signed and is holding out. Point guard Mike Bibby is injured and out for up to ten weeks so the Pooh Bears may be in for some tough times in the backcourt unless Brevin Knight can take over point guard duties in Clipperland.

(5) Human Amoebas
Unsure of how his fully stacked team didn’t win the whole enchilada last year, Eric-A has redoubled his efforts and promises to make at least one roster move this season. Last year, Eric-A didn’t have one waiver move or trade on his way to an 11-9-1 season. With no big changes from the off-season, Eric-A can look forward to the growth from Andrea Bargnani and Marvin Williams.

Supplemental draft picks Luis Scola and Spencer Hawes are both big men who should be able to contribute down the line. Scola is a bulldog and will get lots of REB next to Yao. Hawes is more of a project and will likely learn from Brad Miller this year. The key to the team will be simply filling out the middle of the roster as Dirk, Amare, and Kidd cover all the basics. Can Raja Bell, Quentin Richardson, and Jarrett Jacks continue to produce?

(6) Funk Coalition
With a roster full of point guards, Jon surprised no one by drafting two more, rookie Acie Earl IV and sophmore Kyle Lowry. Both will be involved in time shares but could provide the essential AST and STL needed to power the Funk engine. With Rafer Alston and Smush Parker now solidly stuck in a double (or triple) point guard situation, Jon will need his young guys to step up quick. The biggest question may be how many minutes Randy Foye will receive in Minnesota and what kind of stats he can put up. Aside from that, it's more of the same from a thin squad beyond Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, and Michael Redd. Here's hoping Jameer Nelson, Raymond Felton, and even TJ Ford step it up another notch.

(7) Jedi Knights
With DJ Reno stepping down due to personal reasons, we welcome his replacement owner, the ultra-competitive and knowledgeable Superlum! With a roster that leans toward huge (C Bosh, D Howard, E Okafor, B Miller, Z Ilgauskas), Chris wasted no time adding to his strengths by drafting Al Thornton, who should get plenty of time with Elton Brand out for a significant stretch of time. Looking to open up the floor with some shooting, Lum also drafted Morris Peterson, who should have plenty of chances to fire it up on New Orleans. Indications are that Nate Robinson could be in for a big year so as long as Luol Deng and Mike Miller continue their success from last season, Chris' team will be in good shape.

(8) Buffy
There's no way around it, the loss of Elton Brand hurts. Having traded away Chris Paul for Elton late last season, Buffy won't have much to show for the exchange until after the All Star break. Then again, Stephon Marbury isn't a bad point guard himself so there's a chance Roger's team will remain competitive throughout the season even without Brand. Drafting Kenyon Martin could prove to be a savvy move and if he and the team's other draft pick, multi-talented rookie Corey Brewer can step in, this team will still challenge for the deepest in the league. Rashard Lewis moved to Orlando and will probably set career highs in PTS and 3PT alongside Dwight Howard. The key will be if Baron Davis can stay healthy, as always.

(9) Squirtle Squad
The regular season Eastern Conference champion hasn't changed much over the off-season. Ray Allen may lose some numbers by being in Beantown but Kevin Garnett and Carlos Boozer form one of the best frontcourts in the league. Point guard Deron Williams is a full fledged fantasy star and Brandon Roy will emerge as one also (if he can ever stay healthy). The big question is if Boris Diaw will contribute anything this season with Kurt Thomas' departure from the Valley of the Sun.

By drafting Ronnie Brewer and Martell Webster, Brian is hoping that he can get some additional shooting to shore up his lineup. The sleeper here is Jason Maxiell, who scouts say could be ready for a big role in Detroit. The return of Nenad Krstic will help this team too and there's no reason why the Squirtles won't be a formidable opponent this year.

(10) Fat Jubas
Here's the regular season champion (16-4-1 record) back for another shot at glory after underachieving in the post-season. Last year, the Jubas were derailed by injuries to Dwayne Wade, Jermaine O'Neal, and Tracy McGrady. This time around, Wade's still hurt but the talent level has probably increased. Power forward Al Jefferson is now the man in Minnesota. Lamarcus Aldridge will become a scary fantasy force. The addition of the mysterious Yi Jianlian could pay big dividends later this season. Burly sophmore Rashad McCants might emerge as a sleeper also. All in all, with Wade, McGrady, J O'Neal, A Igoudala, T Parker, J Howard, L Barbosa, and Corey Maggette in a featured role, Eric-L's team will still be the favorite to win the West.

(11) Chunky Monkeys
The Monkeys made the Finals last year but had a backcourt that included the likes of Mardy Collins and Allan Ray. Not good. Suffering from significant injuries all around even as they pushed to the last week of the season, the Monkeys are looking to stay healthy this year in order to put up a real fight on their way to a championship.

With Gilbert Arenas, Joe Johnson, and Josh Smith anchoring a nicely balanced team, Evan is hoping that young guys like Danny Granger, Rajon Rondo, Andrei Biedrins, draft picks Marco Belinelli and Craig Smith can step up to the plate and hit their some fantasy home runs. Last year's revelation was guard Mo Williams and he'll probably put up similar numbers as he re-upped with the Bucks.

(12) Poobic Heirs
What do you add to a championship team? How about the number one pick in this year's NBA draft? Okay, okay, Greg Oden won't be available all of 2007-2008 but next year, he could turn out to be a tremendous value selection for Oliver. If any team can have the patience to wait on Mr.Oden, it's this one. With good players all the way to the bottom of the roster, the Heirs passed up on their second round supplemental pick as they elected to hold onto everyone from last year's team, save Jeff Foster.

It's hard not to argue with a starting lineup that features an underrated Kirk Hinrich, all world Kobe Bryant, monster thief Caron Butler, mercurial Rasheed Wallace, and Yao Ming. With a second five that consists of Ricky Davis, Andrew Bogut, Kevin Martin, Monta Ellis, and Shane Battier, Oliver's team should be stacked once again. After spurting through the playoffs despite a barely over 0.500 record, nobody will take the Poobic Heirs lightly again.

2007 Championships

6-3, The Poobic Heirs vs Chunky Monkeys
While I wouldn't go so far as the say that our Finals were anti-climatic, it's no stretch to say that the odds were against a big upset. We already covered the numerous injuries to both teams and the bad luck that befell every conference finalist. Our playoffs turned into a battle of the best man standing.

The Monkeys stumbled into the Finals, the Heirs were the dark horse from mid-season on. It came down to who had the biggest star. Who could take their team on his back and win a championship? In the end, the Heirs took it all -- with Kobe leading the way. Ricky Davis and Yao Ming played a big part in the victory but to be honest, this game was over before it began.

The Monkey's best player? Um, Danny Granger? Nate Robinson? Mardy Collins (who is this guy)? Rajon Rondo or Mo Williams? Yeah, Ricky D by himself is probably better than any of these guys. Distraught over his embarassing loss, GM Evan lashed out at his staff and fired his trainer, his assistant secretary, and Cintas, his uniform people. Asked about his plans for next year, Evan responded with "Basketball? What's that? I'm out to defend my fantasy football title. Peyton, LT, LJ, TO, AJohnson; keeper team, what!?"

In the adjoining locker room, Oliver's Poobic Heirs were celebrating, pouring champagne, using Nair, and generally getting rowdy. When the team owner was asked about his thoughts on an epic season, what did he say? Well, there was no response. Oliver was passed out from his Zima-lite and decided to take a little nappy. Instead, Vanessa Bryant stepped to the podium and announced that she would be leaving Kobe and the Heirs for greener pastures. And that she wanted the championship ring as a severance package too. Size five for Vanessa please.

Yao Ming, when asked about his plans for the future, now that he was rid of Tracy McGrady and one up on NBA championships over Wang Zhi-Zhi and Mengke Bateer, responded with: "Wo ai ni. Wo hen ugh." The Big Talker he isn't yet.

So, after many months and an entertaining, and educational season, our champion? From the Eastern Conference, hailing from the wilds of Michigan, Oliver and his Poobic Heirs!

SlamNation Finals 2007

Chunky Monkeys vs Poobic Heirs
It's not a joyous day for the Monkeys. Despite reaching the Finals and having a chance to capture a football and basketball championship in the same year, they'll need a miracle -- a literal miracle -- to win. Check out their bench: Gilbert Arenas, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Tyson Chandler, and Charlie Villanueva. That's the top three players for the Monkeys riding the pine -- to to mention their REB and BLK anchor.

What's left? Um, the Knicks and Celtics backcourt (Nate Robinson/Mardy Collins and Rajon Rondo/Allan Ray respectively) along with Manu Ginobili, Jason Terry, and Mo Williams. The front line? Mehmet Okur, Andris Biedrins, and Danny Granger. Remember when the Knicks blitzed to the Finals without Patrick Ewing that year? Well, this is the 2007 Monkeys. They're at the big show but so hobbled that they might as well just get drunk every night and forget the actual games.

The Poobic Heirs aren't supremely healthy themselves, but they can withstand the loss of Caron Butler and Andrew Bogut just fine. They still have Kobe and Yao (dinged up), and the rest of their team isn't exactly trash time scrubs. Kirk Hinrich, Ricky Davis, Kevin Martin, and Monta Ellis are an All-Legends team compared to what Evan is fielding. Samuel Dalembert, Rasheed Wallace, and Antonio McDyess are good enough to cancel anything Okur, Biedrins, and Granger can throw up. Plus, this team fields the ultimate glue guy, Shane Battier, as tenth man. Are the Heirs destined for a championship? Sure looks like it to this prognosticator. If not, this would be the greatest upset since Douglas-Tyson.

But hey, that's why they play the game right? Even if it's definitely a low-wattage event.

Note: Championship Week ends Sunday night even though the schedule is set up until after that.

Conference Finals: Recap

WESTERN CONFERENCE
5-4, Chunky Monkeys vs Fat Jubas
Talk about the battle of the invalids. Fat Jubas were already hurting without Dwayne Wade and Jermaine O'Neal, but then Tracy McGrady, Kwame Brown, Al Jefferson, Josh Howard, and Zaza Pachulia decided to all take a hit to the proverbial groin too. Cakewalk for their opponents, the Monkeys right? Well, not quite. The Monkeys were already without the services of Joe Johnson and Charlie Villanueva. They lost Gilbert Arenas and Tyson Chandler during the week, and Mo Williams for a bit too. Ouch.

So really, it was like a 5-on-5 game this week and both West "contenders" suffered from major injuries. In the end, the Monkeys squeaked this one out (by 5 STL and 4 BLK) but really, they're less prepared for the Finals since their depth is hardly anything to envy. Josh Smith will now have to carry the team -- and he's capable, with 20 PTS, 10 REB, 2 BLK avg last week -- but he may be suspended. Woo-ha! Can Jason Terry, Manu Ginobili, Mehmet Okur, and Danny Granger carry this team to a championship? Ugh....

EASTERN CONFERENCE
5-4, Poobic Heirs vs Squirtle Squad
Things were a little better injury wise in the East. Barely. The only injury casualty was Yao Ming for the Heirs and Jamaal Tinsley and Delonte West for the Squirtles. Then again, given the injury ravaged state of the Squad (already minus Ray Allen, Nenad Krstic, David Lee, Andres Nocioni), they put up a good enough fight -- led by Walter Herrman of all people in PTS (71 in four games) -- but ended up just one category short.

The Heirs actually could have won in a landslide since they only lost REB by 1 and 3PT by 2. For the Heirs, it's the Kobe Bryant show, as he single-handedly pumped in 37 PTS, 5 AST, and 1.5 STL/BLK. Can Kobe lead this team toward a championship? It sure looks possible against the injury ravaged Monkeys.

TOILET BOWL
5-4, Sour Snails vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
For the two worst teams in the league go the two best draft positions. The Snails really picked it up and took their last few games of the season, putting up an astounding final week stat line of 154 AST, 56 STL, and 62 3PT. In fact, both the Snails and Pogiboys stayed relatively healthy (playing 36 and 32 games respectively for the week) and would have had a great showing in the real playoffs. What if...

In the end, it was Allen Iverson (23 PTS and 6 AST avg), Steve Nash (53.3 FG%, 12 AST per), Ron Artest (2.5 STL avg), and Jason Richardson (17 3PT) finally coming through for the Snails, all in one week. In a week where Florida's 04's won the championship, Trieu's top four picks win the choice of selecting Kevin Durant or Greg Oden. Not bad for a team given up for dead eh?

Toilet Bowl Consolidation
7-2, Phanatics vs Pooh Bears
In a shellacking, the Phanatics win the #3 pick in the draft, meaning that the Pooh Bears, holders of the best record among all Toilet Bowl contestants, ends up with the worst lottery pick. Weird hunh?

2006 Awards

Time to hand out the hardware for our initial foray into fantasy basketball. There were a lot of ups-and-downs, there were some disputes on what kind of scoring system to use, there was a lengthy (but very exciting) email draft. There were a ton of injuries, there were some teams that suffered so bad I wanted to rent them Lebron James. In the end however, it was a very exciting season and I hope our next season will be even better. Heading into our championship weeks, let's take a look at who deserves MVP and GM of the year honors.

Most Valuable Player
What makes a MVP? Is it someone who has the best stats? Yes. Is it someone who makes everyone around him better? Um, no, this isn't real basketballl, this is still fantasy. What we looked for were players who were the best on their teams, and also stayed healthy long enough to contribute to a winning season - which eliminated about two-thirds of our candidates.

Tim Duncan and Lebron James tanked FT% for their teams. Out. Chris Bosh was a contender, but he missed about a dozen games. Kobe Bryant was right up there, but he only took the Poobic Heirs to an 11-9-1 record.

With those worthy candidates accounted for, our MVP for 2006 was an easy choice: Da Kid, Kevin Garnett!

Drafted seventh (behind LBJ, Dirk, Dwayne, Marion, Kobe, Arenas), Kevin Garnett used to be a lock as the first pick in any fantasy draft. Brian took advantage of Garnett's freefall and swooped up his 22.8 PTS, 12.9 REB, 4.2 AST, 1.2 STL, and 1.7 BLK on 47.9 FG% and 83.9 FT%. Plus KG hasn't missed a game this season and he continues to be an eight-category stud. Pacing Brian's East leading Squirtle Squad to a 14-7 record, KG was solid all year and will take home our inaugural MVP trophy.

Runners Up:
Dirk Nowitzki had an excellent year, averaging 24.9 PTS, 9.2 REB, 3.4 AST, and shooting a stellar 50.1 FG% and 90.3 FT% (plus super low TOs). Sounds comparable to Garnett, if not better, except that Dirk's STL-BLK-3PT numbers fell off this year. It used to be Dirk could be counted on for one STL/BLK/3PT a game, but this year, he only managed to swipe 0.7 STL and block 0.8 BLK per game. His 3PT fell to just under one per game also. Close for the big German, but the fact that the Amoebas only squeaked intot the playoffs discounted Nowitzki from serious consideration.

Our other runner-up started the season on fire, or should I say, on hibachi. He cooled off a bit right before the All-Star break but he still put up stellar averages of 28.8 PTS, 4.6 REB, 6.1 AST, 1.9 STL and an astonishing 2.8 3PT per game. Gilbert Arenas led the in-flux Chunky Monkeys to a 12-5-4 record, good enough to be tied for second best record in the league. He didn't miss a game all season and he shoots 84.7% from the stripe. But, and the big but here, is that Arenas can win you games, but when he's cold, he can also shoot you out of games with his less than stellar 41.8 FG%. That's the only thing preventing him from being higher in our MVP consideration.

GM of the Year
It's no surprise who our GM of the Year is; Fat Jubas' Eric-L has assembled a powerhouse of a team (best record this year at 16-4-1) by drafting wisely, being quick to grab free agents, and even making a trade to firm up his depleted backcourt when the playoffs hit. They finished the season on a five game winning streak, despite losing top pick Dwayne Wade for around that length of time.

How'd he do it? First, the excellent draft yielded versatile superstars Dwayne Wade and Tracy McGrady in the first two rounds. Then oft-injured Jermaine O'Neal fell to them in Rd3, and he turned in a (relatively) healthy season with 9.8 REB and 2.7 BLK.

Then came Eric-L's steals: Andre Igoudala in Rd4, Tony Parker in Rd5, and Josh Howard in Rd7. Then came Eric-L's super steals. Leandro Barbosa in Rd9 and Al Jefferson in Rd12.

Playing the free agent wire 29 times, the Jubas came away with Lamarcus Aldridge, right as he looks ready to be a fantasy star. A trade with the Pogiboys turned young talents Tyrus Thomas and Darko Milicic into Jason Williams, who is now helping the Jubas offset the loss of Wade in the fantasy playoffs.

Deep, talented, and rolling, Eric-L put together a stellar team powered by a strong draft and a keen eye for talent. Executive of the Year: Eric-L!

A special shout out goes to the Human Amoebas' Eric-A, who managed to go through the season not making one waiver wire addition or drop. The Phanatics' Ping and PoohBears' J were the co-runners up here, with only 2 and 4 transactions apiece. Eric-A, in response to why he made no moves, replied, "There just wasn't anything out there better than what I had already. I'm a big believer in team unity. The Amoebas, we assimilate, not defecate."