Moving on...

Please to go the regular SlamNation site. This documents the first three year cycle and won't be updated anymore. Thanks for visiting!

The Last Run

As we prepare to move into a reset year, new rules, and expansion, I thought it'd be nice to put up a quick recap of Season 3. Interest may have waned but the games went on!

EAST
MoRRie's Pogiboys (12-5-3)
After the Sour Snails Cinderella last-to-first run in Season 2, Alvin basically did the same thing in Season 3. I mean, they were second to last in Season 1, went all the way to the Conference Finals in Season 2, and then jetpacked their way to a championship in Season 3. With point guards Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups leading the way, no opponent won more than two categories versus Alvin's team on his playoff run. Despite losing out on the Kevin Durant sweepstakes in Season 2, the Pogiboys never looked for excuses and used multiple trades and savvy pickups to create an unstoppable force.

Poobic Heirs (13-6-1)
Oliver's team finished atop the Eastern conference during the regular season, making a strong case for him being the dominant team during our three year run. He won the championship in year one, finished with a high playoff seed in year two, and finished with the second best record in the league in year three. The only downside is that the Heirs were bounced from the playoffs in both of their non-championship years by the Pogiboys. Despite that intense rivalry, Oliver's core of Kobe Bryant, Yao Ming, Caron Butler, Devin Harris, and sharpshooter Kevin Martin were always championship caliber.

Human Amoebas (11-9)
The Amoebas always looked great on paper. Dirk Nowitzki, Amare Stoudemire (later traded for Dwayne Wade), Jason Kidd, Tracy McGrady, and a slew of other big names. While they had an uneven first year at nine wins versus eleven losses, the Amoebas came back to make the playoffs in their second season and then advanced all the way to the Finals in the last year of this cycle. As the number five seed, they pulled off a huge upset by defeating Season 3's top ranked Shanghai Chunky Monkeys. Now the Amoebas are rededicated and back for more.

Squirtle Squad (7-12-1)
The Squirtles have seen better days. Kevin Garnett was hampered by a knee injury. Bradon Roy was awesome but banged up. Ray Allen and JR Smith provided solid outside shooting to complement Carlos Boozer, David Lee, and Deron Williams, but this team still couldn't get anywhere. All that talent and nothing to show for it, except a Toilet Bowl win -- in the year we redraft. There was a time when the Squirtles were the most feared team in the league, notching fourteen wins in both Seasons 1 and 2, but they slipped badly in Year Three.

100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (7-13)
J's team finished their last season on a five game losing streak. Ouch. As the bottom fell out, the only star pulling his weight was Pau Gasol, as other franchise cornerstones such as Ben Gordon and Shawn Marion played horrifically down the stretch. Overall, the Pooh Bears haven't experienced much success, as they've never topped eight wins and have been the only three time participant in the Toilet Bowl -- but they made it to the finals this last time!

Jedi Knights (5-15)
The Knights had a tough go of it. As a replacement owner who stepped in after Season 1, he faced an uphill battle from the beginning. While the Jedis certainly improved on their nine game losing streak from Season 2 (when they went 3-16-1), their Four Gigantic Horsemen lineup of Dwight Howard, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Chris Bosh, and Emeka Okafor couldn't find the balance to consistently win. That's okay, with new management and a draft coming around the corner, the Knights are no longer playing with someone else's pieces.

WEST
Shanghai Chunky Monkeys (14-6)
The only other team able to challenge the Poobic Heirs for sustained success, the Monkeys were Finals participants in season one (albeit with a ridiculously battered team that started Mardy Collins and Allan Ray. Yes, Allan Ray), lost to another eventual champion in season two, and finished with the best record in the league in season three. That's a lot of wins. Their swingmen heavy lineup of Danny Granger, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Manu Ginobili, and nice depth and balance always kept them in the hunt but without a healthy Gilbert Arena for almost two full years, the Monkeys just couldn't quite win a ring. Still, for a long time, the Monkeys were the class to the West.

Buffy (11-9)
When Elton Brand went down for the season, Roger probably shed a tear. See, they had just acquired Elton a year ago. The price? Eventual league MVP Chris Paul. At one time, Buffy seemed to have the deepest and most flexible team in the league (just a few names: Baron Davis, Tim Duncan, Rashard Lewis, Jose Calderon, Antawn Jamison, Elton Brand, Shaquille O'Neal). They finished 13-8 and 14-6 in the two years before this and were serious contenders each time. They backslid a little bit but still managed to get home court advantage in Season 3 before being upset by the Human Amoebas.

Fobsters (10-9-1)
Was previous owner Ping even around? Jimmy stepped in for him during Season 3 and put in a good showing, going to the playoffs and letting his unbalanced but powerful team some post-season shine. There was nary a good point guard on the roster but Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Lamar Odom, David West, Richard Jefferson, Nene, and Marcus Camby were nothing to sneeze at. Still, that combination of big name talent only went 7-13 and 8-13 in previous years so applause to the coach of the Fobsters for Season 3's upgrade.

Sleepy Sour Snails (10-9-1)
The Snails were a pathetic 3-18 in Season 1 but managed to win the Toilet Bowl and then proceeded to small ball their way to a championship in Season 2. Their lineup gelled D'Antoni-like and Steve Nash, Allen Iverson, Stephon Jackson, Hedo Turkoglu, Ron Artest, and Jason Richardson shot their way to a crown. Then they semi-collapsed for a weak title defense but their place in SlamNation lore will always be secure. Worst to first, an impossible Cinderella season. From now all, any last place team can cite the Snails of '08 as inspiration for future success.

Fat Jubas (9-11)
Eric-L's team made some big moves to try to save Season 3 but ultimately came up short of the playoffs. Amare Stoudemire for Dwayne Wade didn't exactly work out. Shifting Tony Parker away for (someone I forgot) wasn't exactly a landslide win. Al Jefferson lost most of his season and the Jubas collapsed under the weight of injuries, a theme of theirs historically. After a sterling 16-4-1 first season, the Jubas went 11-8-1 the next year but then accumulated problems with Tracy McGrady and Jermaine O'Neal really dragged them down. In the end, Andre Igoudala emerged as a cornerstone but he wasn't enough. Hey, at least he was healthy though.

Funk Coalition (7-12-1)
Despite owning the incomparable Lebron James, the Funk just perpetually stunk. After an inaugural season in which their daring "almost all point guard" lineup sort of worked and they won twelve games, Jon's team could barely equal that win total in the next two seasons combined. Much of the blame could be traced to the decline of a guard heavy roster that included TJ Ford, Rafer Alston, Jameer Nelson, Raymond Felton, Sebastien Telfair, Randy Foye, and other such luminaries over the years. At least NBA draftmates Lebron and Carmelo got a few runs in together.

Final Standings 2009

Draft Review

In what could possibly be our last year, or at least the last year before we reset keepers (or evaluate and see what we'd like to do), the draft ended up being full of upside and speculation. We introduce Jimmy (an old Slamnation champion from an earlier incarnation) and say good bye to Ping. Off season trades shook up the league a little but not as much as the previous summer. On the eve before the season kicks off, let's take a look at how each team did in the draft.

(1) 100AcrePoohBears
Another season spent struggling in the Toilet Bowl for J's team -- at least they won it all this time. The good news is that last year's team who picked first vaulted all the way to the top and took the championship. So there's a good chance J's team can do the same based on, um, history. Last year's mid-season trades really shook the Bears up. Mike Bibby to Atlanta, Shawn Marion to Miami, and Pau Gasol to the Lakers. Those probably translate to slight statistical decreases across the board. Bibby will garner more AST but Marion won't have Steve Nash anymore and Gasol has to compete for REB/BLK with Andrew Bynum. Plus, Josh Childress jumped ship for Europe.

Having said all that though, number one overall pick Michael Beasley could be an immediate double-double contributor. Last year's draft pick, Rodney Stuckey, looks ready to increase his numbers and this year's second round draft pick, fellow Piston Amir Johnson, has been elevated to the starting lineup. This team is still intriguing on paper with a good mix of big and small and could easily do better than their 8-12 record and make it out of the Toilet Bowl.

(2) Fobsters
Another Toilet Bowl veteran, Ping's team is loaded with big names but few successes. With new management stepping in, the hope is that a steady hand and a new outlook will give Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Lamar Odom, and the rest of this stellar cast a chance to get to the playoffs. The off-season definitely helped out Vince Carter, who will probably be a monster now that he's the only real player on the Nets. The Fobsters also own Richard Jefferson, who will be basically the same player in Milwaukee. Marcus Camby is grumbling about being shipped out to the Clippers for pennies, but he'll still put up REB and BLK.

The biggest problem for this team is the same as last year: guards, specifically point guards. Earl Watson, Luke Ridnour, Marcus Williams (now in Golden State), and Mike Conley are all pretty mediocre. Watson might get some big AST numbers, Ridnour should do better than he did in Seattle, and maybe Conley will emerge in his sophmore year, but it's all a bit of maybe's. The draft didn't add a point guard but rookie OJ Mayo will be an excellent all around fantasy player and maybe Darko Milicic will put up 2 BLKs a game in support of Camby. Jimmy will have to make some moves to get his team squared up but he's got quite the mouthwatering supply of talent to do it with.


(3) Funk Coalition
The bottom fell out for the Funk last season. Working with a bunch of point guards, most of them underachieved or simply fell apart. TJ Ford, Randy Foye, Jameer Nelson, and Raymond Felton all did worse than the previous year. Big scorers Carmelo Anthonoy and Michael Redd dipped in the PTS department, and that's pretty much all she wrote for a team that was already jettisioning four categories. The good news is that Ford has been moved to the Pacers and will get a chance to play full time. Randy Foye is finally healthy and ready to contribute, and the team still has Lebron James.

Curiously, GM Jon took Kevin Love in the first round, and he obviously doesn't fit the needs of this squad. Does this portend a shake up? With their second rounder, they picked up Eddie House, who will be a sparkplug off the bench for the defending champs. The question will be if this team has another run in it, or if it's back to the drawing board with the (bad) point guards strategy.

(4) Jedi Knights
New owner Chris had a rough go of it in his first year. It's always tough to inherit a team and he did the best he could but that only amounted to three wins (and one tie) on the season. However, Lum showed that he had the savvy to see his team's weaknesses and moved quickly to address them with his draft by selecting two rookie point guards, Portland's Jerryd Bayless and Seattle's Russell Westbrook. This team was desperately hurting for some AST and guards, and now Sam Cassell and Steve Francis will either be cut or related to the glue factory.

Last year found Al Thornton emerging as a nice surprise alongside the already huge lineup of Chris Bosh, Dwight Howard, Emeka Okafor, Brad Miller, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. The off season yielded good results for Mike Miller (ready to fire it up in Minnesota), Matt Barnes (now starting for the Suns) and Nate Robinson (now playing in a Suns style offense). What the Jedi Knights really need to unleash the force though, is a return to form by Luol Deng and maybe a move or two to move away from their core strength of big men.


(5) Human Amoebas
The Amoebas finally made a waiver move or two last season and slipped into the playoffs with a 9-11 season. There was a lot of fall off from their previous season as Jarrett Jack and Andrea Bargnani really underachieved. The good news is that Amare Stoudemire became a force next to Shaq and Marvin Williams emerged as a good PTS-REB option. Plus, the decline of Jason Kidd is really only in real life as his fantasy value remains consistent. The big question for Eric-A is how to get his team to perform better all around.

It looks like there's enough talent on-hand to get to the playoffs again, especially if first rounder Derrick Rose can carve out significant minutes and if Quentin Richardson flourishes again under Mike D'Antoni. Last year's second round pick, Spencer Hawes might become a viable big man option but that's a long shot. Another option might be this year's selection, forward Donte Green, but he's possibly trapped behind Ron Artest and Shane Battier in Houston. I guess the key to this team's improvement will be centered around Derrick Rose and his highly anticipated rookie season.

(6) Fat Jubas
A deep team on paper, the Jubas took a step back last season under the weight of hefty injuries. Coming off a 16-4-1 record in 2007, they fell to 11-8-1 due to long term injuries to Dwayne Wade and Jermaine O'Neal. This season, both are healthy but it's Tracy McGrady's turn to start the season dinged up. But it may not matter because this team has talent coming out of its pores. Corey Maggette will be the man in Golden State, Al Jefferson has emerged fully as a force, and Andre Iguodala and LaMarcus Aldridge will probably be better too.

A pair of point guard picks in this year's draft, Rudy Fernandez and Chris Duhon, could both pay big dividends if given time. Rudy was a highlight of the gold medal game and Duhon can run and gun in the Knicks' new up tempo attack. And let's not forget Yi Jianlian, who might be in line for some sophmore improvements. Or, um, maybe not. In any case, look for the Jubas to vault up the standings if two out of three of their big guns can stay healthy.

(7) Chunky Monkeys
The Monkeys found themselves in a similar situation to the Jubas. A stellar 2007 and a run to the Finals followed by a lackluster 2008. Losing Gilbert Arenas for most of the season didn't help matters and the team might have to move on without him this season too. Luckily for Evan, his team is still full of talent. Danny Granger emerged as the new Shawn Marion and is now a top fantasy player, taking a lot of the pressure off. There's a good mix of young and old and fine team balance but it'll be tough without Arenas and Manu Ginobili to start the season.

New center Andray Blatche could be a BLK machine, on a team already armed with Tyson Chandler, Josh Smith, and Andris Biedrins. It wouldn't hurt for the Monkeys to look for some point guard help, especially if Mo Williams can't replicate his outstanding numbers beside Lebron and Co. The sleeper on this team is Charlie Villanueva, who is now the starting PF for the Bucks. Second rounder Paul Millsap is injury insurance only and probably won't see significant time. The Monkeys are still loaded and ready for a return to the Finals and we predict that they'll do signifcantly better than last year if they can find some guards to hold out until Manu and Gilbert come back.

(8) The Poobic Heirs
Oliver's team may have fallen early in the playoffs but that's probably not a sign of their decline. In fact, the one time champs are one of the favorites for the championship this year. The only reason they fell out of contention was because of a hole at center late in the year (Yao Ming and Samuel Dalembert were both hurt), but that situation may have been rectified as GM Oliver might win GM of the Year for drafting Greg Oden last year and then sitting on him. If Oden is as good as advertised defensively, Yao's frailty won't be as big of an issue.

The Heirs have a stellar scoring backcourt in Kobe Bryant, Kevin Martin, Devin Harris, and Monta Ellis (out to start the season). There's a distinct lack of true point guards on the roster, aside from possibly Kirk Hinrich, who will probably be pushed aside by Derrick Rose at some point. That's why first round pick Ramon Sessions might be important. The second pick brought in crowd favorite Chris "The Birdman" Andersen, who probably won't get much play behind Rasheed Wallace and Andrew Bogut but could be useful if either one of them goes down. The Heirs are going to be a much tougher out this year, there's no doubt about it.

(9) MoRRie's Pogiboys
The team that took out The Poobic Heirs had a true Cinderella season. From worst to second place in the East behind the heist of 2007 -- acquiring Chris Paul for Elton Brand, who subsequently got injured. Now that CP3 has emerged as an astounding fantasy force, the Pogiboys have taken their game to another level. Another huge factor in their drastic improvement was the emergence of Rudy Gay as a franchise player, along with the solid play of rookie Al Horford.

Alvin is hoping for more of the same from the young trio and must be delighted that Andrew Bynum is healthy and looking very bulked up. Guard depth is a slight issue with the team, as there isn't much behind Chris Paul or Chauncey Billups. The draft brought in college hero Mario Chalmers, who has an outside chance of playing lots of minutes for a rebuilding Miami squad. Now that first round pick John Salmons has a starting gig, he's likely to put up drool worthy numbers on the Kings, which will really help round out a team that is sneaky deep.

(10) Buffy
How was it possible for Buffy to essentially give away Chris Paul (Elton Brand was injured all season, Stephon Marbury was useless) but still handily win the West? Welcome to a team loaded with impact players at every position. Roger's team can go big or small and they were buoyed by career years by Jose Calderon and Mike Dunleavy. Now that Brand is back, he'll join Tim Duncan, Antawn Jamison, Rashard Lewis, Eddy Curry, and Kenyon Martin (plus Shaquille) on a versatile front line. Hell, Stephon Marbury might even have a decent 2008.

There's a good chance first round pick Marc Gasol could make a quick impact in Memphis but the same can't be said about second rounder Eric Gordon, who will have a hard time getting shooting guard minutes behind Cuttino Mobley and Ricky Davis. There's no reason to believe that Buffy won't be dominant in the regular season again, not with Elton coming back at full strength. The question will be if they can follow their success through to the post-season.

(11) Squirtle Squad
The Squad has won fourteen games in consecutive seasons and have taken the East two years running. However, they've had the unfortunate experience of losing to the champion in both seasons. The big Celtic trade last off-season ended up hurting both Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen's numbers, and the awesome depth that this team once had is dipping a little. At the end of the year, they were using Jeff Foster, Josh Powell, and Rasho Nesterovic on the frontline.

Still, it's not like they're bereft of big men as Garnett, Carlos Boozer, and the awesome David Lee will grab REBs by the bushel. JR Smith is looking to have a breakout year and his shooting will mitigate Ray Allen's declines. As long as Deron Williams and Brandon Roy keep improving, Brian's team won't have much to worry about and first round pick Wilson Chandler is being praised by Mike D'Antoni and praised as similar to Shawn Marion. Look for the Squad to really pull it together and make a big push for that elusive championship.

(12) Sour Snails
As KG said in June, "Anything is possible!" The league thought the Pogiboys had a Cinderella season but that's hardly a fairy tale compared to Trieu's 2008 season. They went from worst in the West (by a long shot), all the way up to second, and then upended powerhouse Buffy and Squirtle Squad on the way to a championship. The Sour Snails had the Midas touch with the waiver wire, firing through a league leading number of transactions, and played all the right notes.

The strange thing is that outside of adding Rookie of the Year Kevin Durant, the roster looked very similar to the year before. The emergence of Hedo Turkoglu as an all around force was huge, as was the return to form by Jason Richardson. With gunners at every position and Steve Nash and Allen Iverson leading the charge, the Snails really hit their stride late and started to blow people off the floor. Who says offense can't win championships?

This year's draft picks, Mickael Pietrus and Brook Lopez, don't seem to fit the team's current makeup but they'll have no problem sitting on the bench and cheering on their more decorated teammates. The Snails don't have any red flags or off-season changes and will be in contention for a repeat.

PERfect

Oh what I would give to have John Hollinger's job. Watch the NBA all day and then apply fun statistical models to everything. As the new season approaches, Hollinger has given a break down for every player and even better, did individual scouting reports on all of them. That's insane! Seriously, like every player has a scouting report.

It revealed great things like how Tony Parker rarely uses his left hand, even on layups. Or how Dirk Nowitzki might be the best shooting big man of all time -- Larry Bird just rolled his eyes. And how Dwayne Wade is a huge gambler on defense. Armed with this information, my (W)NBA career is surely only a few months away.

Seriously, I'd want to these people's jobs: Bill Simmons, John Hollinger, or Steve Sabol. In that order.

Make sure to click on the player cards and check out the Hollinger reports. A few examples: Carmelo Anthony, Deron Williams, and Rajon Rondo. The most fascinating part of the reports is the little line at the bottom that compares the player in question to whom they're most like (at their current age). For example, Andrei Kirilenko is comparable to a young Derrick McKey. Michael Redd is Jerry Stackhouse. Joe Johnson is the second coming of Michael Finley. Plus lots of head scratchers like Shawn Marion is most similar to Chris Mullin?!

In other news, the Celtic's season opener and championship ring ceremony is on October 28th. Clear your social calendars. Also, the special edition DVDs of their season will be available starting then too. The set will feature complete games so everyone can relive their crushing victory over the Lakers. Over and over and over again...

2008 Championships: The Answer

5-4, Sour Snails vs Squirtle Squad
By the power of Greyskull, the Sour Snails have done it! From last to first in one short year. Forget just the biggest regular season turnaround in history, the Snails fine tuned their roster all season long and then had the machine perfectly calibrated for a playoff run. Meanwhile, the Squirtles had been dominating their conference all year and with Deron Williams leading the way, they tore through their side of the post-season. However, as they reached the Finals, they were faced with an unenviable task. All of their front line stars would now be nigh useless against the high flying Snails.

For example, what could the Squirtle's Kevin Garnett, Carlos Boozer, David Lee, Jeff Foster, Rasho Nesterovic, Josh Powell, and Ryan Gomes add to the mix? Good rebounds, low turnovers, and field goal percentages were useless. Only Deron Williams (18 PTS, 10.7 AST, 1.2 STL/3PT), Ray Allen (12.7 PTS, 2.3 3PT), and Brandon Roy (17 PTS, 7 AST, 1.7 3PT, 2.0 STL) were really capable of playing run-and-gun.

Check out the Snails stable of horses. Steve Nash (11 AST), Allen Iverson (31.3 PTS, 6 AST, 3 STL), Jason Richardson (27.3 PTS, 3.7 AST/3PT), Kevin Durant (21.7 PTS, 1.3 STL), Steven Jackson (23 PTS, 1.7 STL, 2.7 3PT), and Hedo Turkoglu (19 PTS, 7.8 AST, 1.3 STL/3PT). Heck, even the mighty Chris Quinn added 12.3 PTS, 6.7 AST, 1 STL, and 1.7 3PT this week. All of this and Ron Artest only played one game during the championship period.

This was going to be like Golden State vs Dallas circa 2007. Last week we predicted that the fight would have to be over PTS or FT%. How did that turn out? Well, the Snails obliterated the Squad in PTS (635-481) but lo and behold, lost in FT% (75.9% - 79.4%). That should have equaled a win for Brian's Squirtles right? Not so fast we say. How about that sneaky category, blocks?

The championship game came down to BLKs and it was here that the Snails unexpectedly had two more than the much bigger Squirtles (14-12 BLK). Incredible. Shouldn't three seven footers (Garnett, Foster, Nesterovic) have been able to get a few BLKs in? Apparently not. With a last minute pickup of James Posey (4 BLK) and the clutch Kevin Durant (3 BLK), the Snails pulled through at the end and squeaked out a victory.

Amazingly, both the Snails and the Squirtles had 100 transactions this year (the next closest was Pogiboys with 50), which goes to prove that activity can equal success! So at the conclusion of an amazing NBA campaign -- with an amazing champion for us -- let's join in and congratulate Trieu and his truly Cinderella-esque season. To the Sour Snails!

Playoffs: Semi-Finals Results

7-2, Squirtle Squad vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
While the final score for this one wasn't that close, the STL and BLK categories were decided by only two points each. The 3PT category was only six off too. With an extra four games played, it looks like the late season injury to the Pogiboy's Chris Kaman might have made a difference. Then again, would he have provided enough help against the formidable Squirtles? After all, when role player Rasho Nesterovic averages 66.7 FG%, 22 PTS, 9.3 REB and 1.7 BLK over three games, that's a deal breaker. Not to mention David Lee , Jeff Foster, and Josh Powell all contributing the equivalent of double-doubles each.

The Pogiboys had Chris Paul and Rudy Gay (22.3 PTS, 7 REB, 1.3 BLK, 1.7 3PT) but not much else as Gerald Wallace and Chauncey Billups submitted sub-par two game weeks. With a thin lineup to start with, the Boys were had a really nice run this season but in the end, fell just a few categories short of an amazing final that would have pitted last year's two worst teams in this year's Finals. Now it looks like the beast of the East is Squirtle Squad and deservedly so.

5-4, Sour Snails vs Buffy
As this prognosticator predicted, the last team Buffy wanted to see was the Sour Snails. See, the Snails don't care about REB-BLK-TO-FG%, they are built to destroy teams in only five categories and they do it so well that they negate almost all of Buffy's strengths. The positively sick front line of Tim Duncan (19.7 PTS, 11 REB), Shaquille O'Neal (10.7 PTS, 12.3 REB), and Nick Collison (15.3 PTS, 14 REB) -- not to mention the return of Elton Brand -- wasn't of any use when the Snails blitzed them in AST-STL-FT%-3PT. Short of cloning Baron Davis multiple times, this was just a bad matchup for Buffy.

The Snails had four 20-point scorers last week (Allen Iverson, Hedo Turkoglu, Jason Richardson, Kevin Durant) and three in the high teens (Ron Artest, Chris Quinn, Steven Nash). I mean, how you gonna compete with Chris Quinn? He's the man! Seriously though. The boy went off for 18.7 PTS, 5.3 REB, 7 AST, and 3.3 3PT in three games. If Steven Jackson could have hit the ocean once in awhile (25.5 FG% in four games), the Snails might even have stolen FG%, that's how well they're playing right now.

What happens in the championship round? Can the Squirtles slow down the Snails (ironically, it's the two slowest animals ever, I'm changing my team name to "sloths" next year)? I'm not sure actually. The category that might make a difference here is either PTS or FT% and the Snails seem to generally do better in both. The Squirtles have no chance in AST-STL-3PT so it's probably coming down to PTS. Can they get enough firepower to blow out a Suns-inspired Snails team? I dunno, especially as Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen are sure to be rested. Am I predicting an amazing last-to-first season from the Sour Snails? Barring a miracle, I think I am!

Toilet Bowl Finals
6-3, Pooh Bears vs Phanatics
As the undercard during an exciting week, the Pooh Bears earned the number one draft choice by neatly dispatching the Phanatics. While the score might not have been close on the scoreboard, it took a few last second steals by Andre Miller to seal the victory. With injured forwards Shawn Marion and Chris Wilcox sucking up lineup slots, the short handed Bears were fortunate to face off against the equally short handed Phanatics (missing Charlie Bell and Drew Gooden). The good news for both teams is that they'll be in a good position to use their high draft picks to vault back into the thick of things.

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Jedi Knights
With the third overall pick on the line, the small ball Funk faced off against the big ball Jedi Knights and ran them off the floor. By easily taking the crucial PTS category, Funk insured a slightly higher pick for themselves in the coming year. Both teams need some serious help so let's hope they make the right move next season.

Round 1 Results: East

Squirtle Squad (14-6) vs Human Amoebas (9-11)
The repeat East champion Squirtle Squad is poised to have great post-season run. While the East seemed to be full of great teams mid-season, by the end, a few squads had faded. Don't count the Squad among them. Suffering from very little injury strife, the Squad has been the model of consistency this year. Deron Williams (19 PTS, 10.5 AST, 1 STL/3PT) has emerged as a fantasy star and along with his front court mate Carlos Boozer (22 PTS, 11 REB, 1.3 STL), have been the cornerstone for this team. Boston teammates Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen have both declined statistically but are still premium players. While JR Smith, Francisco Garcia, Boris Diaw, Ryan Gomes, David Lee, and Rasho Nesterovic don't necessarily get the fans screaming, they ably fill up the box scores. The big question is if sophmore sensation Brandon Roy can get back on the court in time to help the Squad to a championship.

The Amoebas sure are mercurial aren't they? The front line duo of Amare Stoudemire (25 PTS, 9 REB, 2.2 BLK) and Dirk Nowitzki provide a solid foundation for success but this team seems a bit short in every area. Rip Hamilton, Marvin Williams, and Zach Randolph add scoring, but not quite enough to make the Amoebas a scoring powerhouse. Jason Kidd is still an AST master but there's not another player on the roster who dishes even half of what he does. Raja Bell and Boobie Gibson average over two 3PT a game, but half the roster doesn't average any. With the late season injuries to Dirk and Ben Wallace, the Amoebas' hopes were sunk and it's possible that they need a more cohesive game plan for next season.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (12-7-1) vs The Poobic Heirs (12-8)
While it's tough to call this a huge upset with the swell season the Pogiboys are having, it was a huge upset. I mean, the defending champs falling to last year's league doormat? That's huge right? The Pogiboys made short work of the Poobic Heirs, 6-3, and really just outhustled them in all the little categories (AST, STL, BLK, TO, FG%, FT%).

With the MVP season by Chris Paul (22 PTS, 11 AST, 2.7 STL) -- and yes, he should be the MVP -- the Pogiboys bounced into this season with a new outlook on life. Rookie Al Horford contributed nearly a double double and Chris Kaman and Andrew Bynum both broke out. And let's not forget about Rudy Gay, who upped his game to new heights (20 PTS, 6 REB, 1.7 3PT). While Tyrus Thomas, Jason Maxiell, Darko Milicic, Joakim Noah, and Ronny Turiaf all suffer from the erratic syndrome, Chauncey Billups and Gerald Wallace supported Paul in the best ways possible by providing additional scoring, steals, and assists. Add in under the radar contributions by Derek Fisher, Steve Blake, and Louis Williams and the question is: how far can this finely tuned squad go?

We might be thanking our collective stars and garters that the Olympics are in Beijing this summer. Otherwise, Yao Ming might have suited up and Oliver would still be in contention for a repeat. Put it this way. Devin Harris (16 PTS, 7 AST) and Monta Ellis (20-4-4) are now solidly main men in both their camps. Caron Butler and Kevin Martin are top tier options. Kobe Bryant is Kobe Bryant. Forget the fact that Rasheed and especially Kirk Hinrich slipped this season, the Heirs are scary. If they didn't have such a big hole in the front court (Brendan Haywood, Nazr Mohammed, Samuel Dalembert) late in the season, would the Heirs really have gone out so early? Here's a scary thought. Next year, this team gets a healthy Yao back, plus Greg Oden. Yowza.

Toilet Bowl
100AcrePoohBears (8-12) vs Jedi Knights (3-16-1)
The Pooh Bears almost made the playoffs but a three game swoon at the end put them out of the running. That's probably a good thing though, because the Bears might need another big draft. The proud owner of Mike Bibby, Shawn Marion, and Pau Gasol, the Bears had to deal with three in-season mega-trades. In each one, it seemed like they lost out statistically While Andre Miller (17 PTS, 7 AST, 1.3 STL) is having a quietly stellar season, everyone else on this roster has been playing worse than last year. Ben Gordon, Chris Wilcox, Andrei Kirilenko, Peja Stojakovic, Tayshaun Prince, and Josh Childress all did better last year. Rookie Jeff Green showed promise but that's on the court, not necessarily in the boxscore. Injuries have ravaged them near the end of the season (Marion, Wilcox, Gasol) but they still mustered enough to take out the Jedi Knights.

Well, it's hard to call the Jedi Knights inaugural season a success. On one hand, they stepped into the breach when the previous owner left but on the other hand, their record fell to a league low -- with nine straight losses to close out the season. THe good news is that, well, um, Dwight Howard (21 PTS, 14 REB, 2.3 BLK) is a man child? Other than that, this was definitely a backwards season for everyone else involved. Luol Deng, Mike Miller, and Chris Bosh all regressed a bit. Brad Miller, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, and Emeka Okafor were double double machines and provided some nice complements to Dwight, but the rest of the roster was hit or miss. Grant Hill stayed healthy in the Valley of the Sun but he's hardly a star anymore. The Knights have some big men assets but they have to carefully build a team that can truly take advantage of those strengths.

Round 1 Results: West

Buffy (14-6) vs Fat Jubas (11-8-1)
Buffy waxed the Jubas in their first round playoff matchup, 8-1, and with only four more games played. The only category Buffy lost? Turnovers.

This is who Buffy has on the bench: Stephon Marbury, Kenyon Martin, Rashard Lewis, Elton Brand, and Eddy Curry. At some point in the past, that would have been an All-Star team (sort of). It just goes to show how much team chemistry has meant this year for Buffy. With Baron Davis (22 PTS, 8 AST, 2 STL/3PT) and Jose Calderon (53.0 FG%, 8 AST, 1 3PT) leading the way, Buffy has been able to replace the wasted seasons of Steph and Elton. Antawn Jamison is back to his 20-10 numbers, Mike Dunleavy and Jamal Crawford turned into scoring machines, and Shaq O'Neal is contributing on the boards and on defense. Let's not forget about Tim Duncan either. This is the team to beat right now, even with so many big names manning the injury list and the bench. Imagine if they still had Chris Paul -- traded away for Elton Brand at the end of last year. Wowza!

It's been a rough year for the Fat Jubas. Talented beyond belief, they've been laid low by a combination of long term injuries to Dwayne Wade and Jermaine O'Neal. While Corey Maggette (22-6), Al Jefferson (21, 11, 1.5 BLK), and LaMarcus Aldridge (18, 8, 1.2 BLK) are all having career years, it still hasn't been enough to offset the big time injuries. With Leandro Barbosa, Josh Howard, Tony Parker, and Andre Iguodala staying about even, this team should of had the firepower for a big run into the playoffs but they were just inconsistent all year. The gradual decline of rookies Yi Jianlian and Jamario Moon didn't help matters either. Management had to be disappointed with such a weak season after last year's powerhouse showing (and a promising four game win streak to get into the playoffs).

Sour Snails (11-7-2) vs Chunky Monkeys (11-8-1)
What a difference a year makes hunh? Last year, the Sour Snails were at the bottom of the barrel. They couldn't get their first win for nearly half a season and by the end, their team was in shambles. Enter Kevin Durant, number one draft pick and franchise savior! Okay, fine, the Snails improvement probably didn't just have to do with Durant's numbers (19 PTS, 4 REB, 1 STL/BLK/3PT). Consider him a nice addition to a swingman group that really pushed the Snails into fast forward. Jason Richardson, Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson, and especially Hedo Turkoglu all turned it up a notch and allowed Steve Nash and Allen Iverson to just play their games. With this group, the Snails became a fantasy version of the GS Warriors, tossing up ridiculous amounts of 3PTs and PTS. With an owner dedicated to mining talent (tied for league lead in roster moves), the Snails really turned their franchise around and could easily upend the favorites for a Finals run. They cleaned out the Monkeys in a game that wasn't nearly as close as the 5-4 score indicated.

Even with a huge injury to start the season -- Gilbert Arenas, beloved blogger, never made it onto the court this season -- the Monkeys should have been a force to be reckoned with. After all, they made the Finals last year (with a D-League caliber squad, but still). Well, injuries aside, the Monkeys just haven't been as cohesive as they were last year. Manu Ginobili, Joe Johnson, and Josh Smith have been impressive as usual, while Rajon Rondo, Danny Granger, and Mehmet Okur all had their moments. Mo Williams was no slouch either. With other talent on hand like Tyson Chandler (the new Ben Wallace), Andris Biedrins, Charlie Villanueva, and Troy Murphy, the Monkeys had some depth. The problem for the Monkeys boiled down to not having a superstar on board. Manu and Joe Johnson were both 20-5-5 guys, and Josh Smith is a BLK beast, but nobody could push the team to greater heights and take over a game in the fourth quarter. Where are you Agent Zero?

Toilet Bowl
Phanatics (7-13) vs Funk Coalition (5-15)
The Phanatics, as always, look so damn good on paper. Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Richard Jefferson, David West, Marcus Camby, and Lamar Odom are all All-Star caliber players. However, none are the top players for their teams. Is that a problem? Maybe. The Phanatics had a decent season considering they lost Nene for most of it and had a giant hole at the guard spots. Earl Watson and Charlie Bell were hardly fantasy worthy most nights, but who else would have fit in there? Luke Ridnour, Marcus Williams, or Mike Conley? As if. Still, Pierce, Carter, Jefferson, and West should be plenty to make a nice run into the Toilet Bowl and perhaps emerge with the top pick. Can GM Shen do something with that pick to put this team into the playoffs next year?

The Funk always rode the thin line between success and failure and after a promising first season, the wheels fell off the speed wagon and the Coalition collapsed. How many fantasy teams could have completely wasted Lebron James' 30-8-8 season? Not many. But when your team is comprised of point guards who all took a step back (except for Rafer Alston), you've got a recipe for disaster. Jameer Nelson and Raymond Felton are clearly light years behind fellow young PGs Chris Paul and Deron Williams. TJ Ford has Jose Calderon on his team. Randy Foye and Sebastian Telfair can't both play big minutes. With big scorers Michael Redd and Carmelo Anthony slowing down this season just a notch in the PTS deparment, the Funk couldn't stay on the good side of the wins column. Nobody else averaged more than 15 points aside from the big three. And that one guy was journeyman Rashad McCants. Time for Funk to retool?

Mid-Season Review: West

Now that fantasy football is over, it's time to turn our (full) attention in the direction of basketball. The NBA has been brilliant this season -- in no small part due to the resurgence of the Celtics. It seems like a transitory year as old stars are winding down a bit and new ones are emerging. How are our fantasy teams doing? Here's the overall stats for each team up to this point in the season and we'll explore brief capsule reviews of each team as we move along the next few days.

First up, the Western Conference. Unlike the NBA, the West is definitely struggling. Only two teams are over 0.500 and those two teams (Chunky Monkeys, Buffy) are the ones suffering from injuries to their biggest stars, Elton Brand and Gilbert Arenas. The West also fields easily the two worst teams in the league, Funk Coalition and Phanatics, who have won one game each. Let's take a look.

Chunky Monkeys (6-3-1)
The Monkeys are reeling from the loss of Gilbert Arenas and have lost two in a row recently. However, with a soft schedule (only 34 PA), they have maintained their top spot in the West. They are second to last in games played and are weak in PTS and REB, a strength for them last year. The Monkeys aren't dominant in STL or BLK like last year either. They are average in most categories -- aside from 3PT where they are top three -- but that's enough to lead the West. Joe Johnson, Mo Williams, and Manu Ginobili are holding it down but Mehmet Okur and Gilbert have been huge disappointments.

Buffy (6-4)
Buffy started off hot at 6-1 but have dropped three in a row. Similar to the Monkeys, Buffy suffers from a dearth of games played (third to last) due to injuries. They are horrible in FT% but are pretty good in PTS, REB, and excellent in 3PT. They are below average in most of the other categories but so far they've obviously been able to win. Tim Duncan and Antawn Jamison have been outstanding, as has Mike Dunleavy. But the team is hurting from the on and off exploits of Baron Davis, Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, and Kenyon Martin -- all of whom have missed significant time.

Sour Snails (4-5-1)
After sporting the worst record in the league last year, it's a huge season for the Snails already as they've won 4 games and tied 1. Trieu has definitely been paying attention as he's used the most linieups by far in the league, looking for the pieces that will put him over the top -- they've won three in a row. As a small team, they're excellent in FT%, AST, STL, and 3PT (where they almost double their next nearest challenger). They're also ranked top three in PTS. They're horrible in the big man categories but that's to be expected. With Allen Iverson and Steve Nash leading the way, as well as solid contributions from Ron Artest, Jason Richardson, an off the chaini Hedo Turkoglu, and rookie of the year Kevin Durant, the Snails are no longer in the slow lane.

Fat Jubas (4-5-1)
Last year's reigning West regular season champion, the Jubas are experiencing an up and down season despite an eye-poppingly talented roster. They're shooting horrifically (9th in FG% and FT%) but scoring tons of PTS, good enough to lead the league. They are however, very middle of the pack in REB, AST, and BLK. Andre Igoudala, Josh Howard, Corey Maggette, and Al Jefferson are great so far and the team still boasts Tony Parker and Leandro Barbosa -- along with nice looking rookie Yi Jianlian. But with Dwayne Wade, Tracy McGrady, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Jermaine O'Neal on and off, it's been a bit of a struggle. The Jubas are too deep to stay near 0.500 for long though.

Funk Coalition (1-9)
Choosing to fight in only five categories, the Funk have always been delicate. Last year, they were a respected if vulnerable team. This year, the wheels have fallen off and they're suffering from six losses in a row with no end in sight. They're 4th in PTS/STL/3PT, and only dominant in AST -- along with ranking 6th in FT%. Last year, they were near the top or dominant in PTS/AST/STL/3PT. Michael Redd and Carmelo Anthony aren't 30 point scorers anymore, TJ Ford is out, and the team suffers from a severe lack of depth. Only Leron James has been a bright spot this season (29 PTS, 7-8 REB/AST, 2 STL). GM Yang has built the real life version of the Cavs; a one-man band built only to lose.

Phanatics (1-9)
This team was capable of winning eight games last season but they're in severe trouble this year. With multiple injuries -- as always -- and little manager attention, the Phreaks have played the least games in the league. In addition, they're horrible in AST and STL. Then again, they are very powerful in REB and TO. What they need is to push every other category up to average status and estabalish some true strengths. Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Lamar Odom, Marcus Camby, Richard Jefferson, and David West should be enough to win more than one game so far.

Mid-Season Review: East

Man, the East is kicking ass. They've got two one loss teams and four teams over five hundred. By the power poll, the third place team in the East (Pogiboys) are better than any team in the West. How you like that for dominance? The Poobic Heirs are milking a four game win strea, the Pogiboys have three going on, and the rest of the conference can compete on most every night. Let's take at what's going on mid-season.

Squirtle Squad (9-1)
The Squad is cruising once again. They aren't dominant in any one category but they are strong in FG% and AST. Actually, the team does suffer from some significant weaknesses, despite their sterling record. They're third to last in FT%, BLK, and 3PT and not great at REB. Then again, they have had Brandon Roy emerge, a mostly healthy season from Jamaal Tinsley, and a great year from Deron Williams. In addition, Carlos Boozer is a maniac. Who else is averaging 23.5 PTS, 11.3 REB, 3 AST, and 1.3 STL? Nobody! The problem is that Boston teammates Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen are producing less than they did last year. Can the Squad fend off Poobic Heirs for the regular season crown?

Poobic Heirs (9-1)
With only one loss -- to Squirtle Squad -- the Heirs are in great position to defend their championship. They are tops in games played but that's not the reason they're winning; they're just very good. They are first in REB, FT%, STL, and BLK. Throw in the fact that they are second in PTS and very few teams will beat them. They are only 7th in FG% and AST (and horrible in TO) but no team can afford to be amazing across the board. Former teammates Kobe Bryant and Caron Butler are tearing apart the competition and Yao Ming, Kevin Martin, Monta Ellis, Udonis Haslem, Rasheed Wallace, and Samuel Dalembert are all great fantasy players. The only weak spot here has been the disappointing play of Kirk Hinrich but he's been picking it up of late.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (7-3)
The Pogiboys are the story of the first half of the season as they've gone for seven wins after winning a league low two games all of last year. They are a drastically transformed team with a full season from Chris Paul and his new cave man buddy Chris Kaman. The Pogiboys are no longer devastated by injury and are ranked very high in AST, STL, BLK, and FT%. They still have significant problems putting up PTS and REB but they're certainly very competitive, even handing the Squirtles their lone loss. Chauncey Billups is steady as ever, Rudy Gay has really emerged (and we won't even mention double double machine Kaman here), and Gerald Wallace is healthy and scoring. It's a shame Tyrus Thoomas and Darko Milicic can't really get it together but hey, the Pogiboys have Andrew Bynum and Al Horford to pick up the interior slack.

100AcreWoodPoohBears (5-5)
The Pooh Bears are a nice story themselves. They finished last season with a 38.1% winning percentage but they're playing even so far this season. As always, they can't score (PTS and 3PT are awful) but they shoot accurately and protect the ball. They have excellent FG%, FT%, and are tops in TO. If only they could get their STL and BLK numbers a bit higher, they would be a quite a threat. A full season of Pau Gasol has helped, as well as the return to form of Andrei Kirilenko (6 REB, 5 AST, 1.2 STL, 1.9 BLK). Let's crank up the defense!

Human Amoebas (4-6)
Always an intriguing team, the Amoebas have started off very average so far this season. They are ranked between 5th and 7th in FT%, PTS, AST, TO, and BLK. They are 9th in STL and 3PT with only one strength, REB (4th). They also shoot really poorly -- third to last. Still, this is a team with some serious talent. Dirk Nowitzki, Zach Randolph, Jason Kidd, Amare Stoudemire, and Richard Hamilton are standouts while Marvin Williams, Ben Wallace, and Daniel Gibons are all contributors. However, Raja Bell, Andrea Bargnani, Jarrett Jack, and Quentin Richardson have all turned in craptastic performances so far. What's next for the Amoebas?

Jedi Knights (2-7-1)
Our newest owner, Chris, is suffering from some growing pains. They are almost the exact opposite of the Sour Snails and Funk Coalition. The Knights are strong in REB, BLK, TO, and first in FG%. On the flip side, they're horrible in FT%, PTS, AST, STL, and 3PT. Their best bet to get a few wins is to push at least one of those latter categories up a few notches. Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, Emeka Okafor, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas have been what you'd expect. However, everyone else aside from Luol Deng and Grant Hill has been somewhat disappointing. The team desperately needs more outside shooting to complement Mike Miller, unless his 3PT are no longer needed at all.

Western Powers

Chunky Monkeys (3-0)
It hasn't been easy but Evan's Monkeys prove that they deserved to be in the Finals last year, despite suffering through a series with half of their top players missing. So far however, they've proven to be the cream of the Western Conference. Led by a healthy Joe Johnson, who is leading the charge with 23 PTS, 4 REB, 6 AST and 2 3PT per game. Jason Terry is also pushing for Sixth Man of the Year and he's been shotting an astonishing 54.9 FG% on his way to 20 PTS and 3.7 3PT a game. Oh wait, Manu Ginobili might take the Sixth Man Award this year, as he's going nutty with 20 PTS, 5 AST/REB and 2 STL/3PT a game.

With a such a solid backcourt, it hasn't hurt the Monkeys to have Gilbert Arenas suffereing from 38.7 FG% and only 22 PTS. Let's not forget about Josh Smith here either, as he's going out and producing 19 PTS, 7 REB, 2.4 STL, and 3.6 BLK a night. Wowza! This team is proving to be balanced and overall, much stronger than last year's excellent contending version.

Buffy (2-1)
Despite the loss of Elton Brand in pre-season, Buffy is still holding on to second place in the early going. With eight players averaging 15 points or more per game, this is a high scoring bunch. Baron Davis is contributing 9 AST and 1.5 STL/3PT a night, Stephon Marbury and Jamal Crawford combine for 32 PTS , 11 AST, 2.5 STL/3PT a game. Antawn Jamison is still nearly a 20-10 player (with 2.3 3PT to boot) and Rashard Lewis is popping 3PTs (3 a game) like nobody's business. Add in Tim Duncan and it's safe to say that losing Elton Brand, while slowing down Buffy, hasn't hobbled them in the least.

Fat Jubas (2-1)
The kings of the West last season, the Jubas were riding high before they got blasted by a rising Monkeys team this past week. Still, they are barely getting the full services of Dwayne Wade back -- despite losing Tracy McGrady for a few games -- so the Jubas should easily be in contention this season. They still have Tony Parker (18 PTS, 6 AST), Andre Igoudala (18 PTS, 6.7 REB, 5 AST, 1.9 STL), Josh Howard (23 PTS, 6 REB), Corey Maggette (20 PTS, 7.5 REB), Leandro Barbosa (20 PTS, 1.7 STL, 2.8 3PT), Al Jefferson (19.5 PTS, 11 REB), and LaMarcus Aldridge (19.5 PTS, 8 REB). Oh, did we already mention Wade and McGrady? Even rookie Yi Jianlian is showing signs of fantasy significance with 1.8 BLKs a game and some improving numbers. The only disappointment so far this season is Jermaine O'Neal's 13 PTs, 7.6 REB, and only 1.6 BLK per game.

Funk Coalition (0-3)
As always, the Funk have more point guards than you can shake a stick at. Raymond Felton, Jameer Nelson, Rafer Alston, Randy Foye, Kyle Lowry, Acie Law, and Sebastian Telfair. The problem is, all of these players have taken a step back -- excepting Jameer Nelson (13.8 PTS, 6.5 AST, 1.2 STL). AST and STL isn't the problem here, PTS and roster depth is. Lebron James is still a monster (29 PTS, 8 REB/AST, 1.8 STL) and Carmelo Anthony and Michael Redd are scoring machines -- albeit slightly less this year, combining for only 38 PTS per game but the end of this roster is ugly. The Big Three and the seven point guards might not be enough this year, so maybe a change is in order?

Sour Snails (0-3)
Hey, at least the Snails aren't in last! They haven't won yet but they've scored more categories than the Phanatics so are out of last place for the first time in their history! Schedule a parade! The Snails are actually looking pretty good. Holdovers Steve Nash and Iverson are combining for 45 PTS, 18 AST, 3 STL, 3.5 3PT a game. While Steven Jackson and Ron Artest are just starting to get into the swing of things and Jason Richardson has been struggling (41.7 FG%, 18 PTS, 2.5 3PT), there's signs of life here with new additions Kelenna Azubuike (17 PTS, 5.5 REB, 1.8 3PT), Damien Wilkins (16.6 PTS, 5.6 REB, 1.6 3PT), and of course, rookie Kevin Durant (37.4 FG%, 19 PTS, 1.3 STL/3PT), who's turning out to be a scoring machine. Hedo Turkoglu has been a nice surprise with 17 PTS, 6 REB, 4 AST, 1.2 STL and 1.8 3PT. Who is this guy?! How the pieces mesh together will be crucial for this team since they should have the players to become respectable at least.

Phanatics (0-3)
An ultra-talented team on paper continues to collapse under the weight of injuries and general mismanagement. Paul Pierce and Richard Jefferson are back to their old selves. David West (19 PTS, 7 REB, 1 STL/BLK), Drew Gooden (14 PTS, 10 REB), Al Harrington (20 PTS, 2.4 3PT), Lamar Odom (14.8 PTS, 8.8 REB), and Marcus Camby (13.5 REB, 1.4 STL, 3.3 BLK) are doing as expected and the roster is stacked top to bottom. What's the problem? Well, for one, Vince Carter has missed five games already and even when he was plaig, he was timid and put up only 17 PTS with 0.5 3PT. The piont guard situation on this team is atrocious. Luke Ridnour is injured, Ear Watson is well, Earl Watson, and Marcus Williams and Mike Conley is injured. This team has the talent to go far but they need a direction and a purpose.

Eastern Bloc

The Poobic Heirs (2-0)
The defending champions are asserting their regular season dominance already. With two wins and 14 categories won, they're clearly the cream of the crop in the early going. Kobe Bryant is averaging 30-7-5 and almost two STLs a game. Yao Ming has been dominating with 24-10 and 2.7 BLKs. Additional firepower has been coming in the form of Kevin Martin (28 PTS, 1.5 3PT). Rasheed Wallace has been impressive with 15-7 and more importantly, 1.5 BLK and STL. With Ricky Davis, Udonis Haslem, Devin Harris and Monta Ellis all contributing, the Heirs are looking very solid. The only guy underperforming is point guard Kirk Hinrich, who has been averaging only 9 PTS, 5.7 AST, and half a 3PT a game.

Squirtle Squad (2-0)
Last year's dominant regular season team, the Squirtles have also jumped out to a 2-0 record. Kevin Garnett hasn't lost a step in Boston and he and Boozer are putting up a combined 48 PTS, 28 REB, 9 AST and 3 STL and 2 BLK a game. Last year's rookie of the year, Brandon Roy has clearly stepped up his game by averaging 20 PTS, 6 AST, and chipping with just over one 3PT a game. Of course, Ray Allen is killing from beyond the arc with 3.5 3PT a game and also a healthy 23 PTS average. Plug in the further emergence of Deron Williams (21 PTS, 10 AST, 1.7 3PT) and this team's core is as strong as ever. If young contributers like Ronnie Brewer, David Lee, Martell Webster, and Andres Nocioni can continue to perform the Squad might not lose for a long time.

Jedi Knights (1-1)
New owner Superlum has wasted no introducing their team to the league. While the team is hardly firing on all cylinders, they have managed to put up 13 points scored, which is just a hair behind the Poobic Heirs. Big men and draft mates Dwight Howard and Emeka Okafor are averaging 34 PTS, 28 REB, and 2 BLK a game. While Chris Bosh has been slow to get going (16 PTS, 6.7 REB, 1.6 BLK), he will soon return to double double status. Filling in the stat sheet for him has been old man Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who's been dumping 17.6 PTS and 13 REB a game. Actually, of biggest concern is the ice cold start by Luol Deng, who is putting up just 14 PTS and 5 REB a game. C'mon Luol! The Jedi will have to find some help in the backcourt though, as Sam Cassell, Steve Francis, Nate Robinson, and Mike Miller have been shooting like they're aiming to miss.

100AcreWoodPoohBears (1-1)
With the most intriguing roster in the league, the Pooh Bears have been always swimming right on the cusp of respectability. The problem is, they don't have enough standout stars. Shawn Marion is certainly a fantasy god (16.4 PTS, 12.9 REB, 2.7 STL, 1 BLK/3PT) but beyond that, it's been a slow start overall. Peja Stojakovic is healthy but streaky (3.1 3PT). Pau Gasol isn't near his normal 20-10 numbers (16-6) and Andre Miller is only putting up 4.7 AST a game (along with 13.8 PTS and 5 REB). Andrei Kirilenko (10.9 PT, 7.1 REB, 6.4 AST, 1.6 STL, 2.1 BLK) has stepped up his all around game though, which is a huge relief for Pooh Bears' management. Ben Gordon, Josh Childress, and Tayshaun Prince need to kick it up a notch. The injury to Mike Bibby is clearly hurting this team. A big bright spot has been the play of forward Chris Wilcox, who's contributing 16 PTS and 9 REB a night.

Human Amoebas (1-1)
Without Amare Stoudemire, the Amoebas lose much of their pizzaz. With only 13 PTS and 5 REB a game (with 1.3 STL/BLK), Amare has been bothered by knee problems this season. Marvin Williams is showing the promise of a #2 overall pick with 17.5 PTS and 6.2 REB but center Ben Wallace has been horrific -- shooting 32.1 FG%, 4.8 REB, and just 1.2 BLK a game. Jason Kidd is flirting with a triple double average (9.5-8.0-10.5) but Jarrett Jack has virtually fallen off the planet. Boobie Gibson has been a stellar pickup aas he continues to drain 2.7 3PT a game on his way to 12.4 PTS and 1.4 STL. Dirk and Zach are doing about as expected (40 PTS, 22 REB, 6 AST combined) but it's clear that Dirk's days as a STL/BLK/3PT machine are over. The only veteran really tearing it up? Rip Hamilton, who is putting up an astounding 6.5 AST to go with 20 PTS and 4.5 REB.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (0-2)
New season, same problems. With two losses to start the season, Alvin's squad isn't exactly off to a terrific start. To be fair, they've faced two Western Conference powerhouses in the process so maybe it's just unfortunate scheduling. The team itself is showing lots of promise. Point guards Chris Paul (18 PTS, 11 AST, 2.9 STL) and Chauncey Billups (17.5 PTS, 6.7 AST, 1.8 STL, 2.2 3PT) are clearly the heart and soul of the team. Rudy Gay, Chris Kaman, and Tyrus Thomas have stepped up this season. Kaman especially is doing an excellent Elton Brand impersonation with 18.8 PTS, 13.5 REB, 1.8 BLK. The additions of John Salmons (20-4-4, 1.8 STL) and rookie Al Horford (8.5 PTS, 10 REB, 1.3 STL/BLK) fill out the roster at the forward spots. The big question is when young big men Darko Milicic, Channing Frye, and Andrew Bynum will step up and contribute. How's Crash Wallace doing by the way? Not too hot, shooting 39.3 FG%, with only 0.3 BLK and 15.8 PTS. The two STLs a game are nice but G Wallace is off to another super slow start, just like the Pogis.

Think Big!

With a highly anticipated kickoff to the 2007-2008 season, SlamNation endured quite the exciting summer. For one, how about defending champion Poobic Heirs having their best player, Kobe Bryant, demand to be traded? Perhaps he’s unhappy sharing the limelight with yet another dominant big man, Yao Ming. Kobe is an all world player but his selfishness is uncharted and unparalleled. Will he sit out the season and force a trade? Let’s hope so.

A few other big trades shook the off-season, none bigger than Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen joining forces with The Truth in Boston. Can Garnett and Ray-Ray still put up their stellar numbers? Heck, can Zach Randolph co-exist with Eddy Curry anywhere except the buffet table? The biggest impact from the off-season may have been an injury to Elton Brand. Roger’s Buffy team is deep but losing the equivalent of their first round pick for most of the year could really hurt. With that setting the stage for our new season, let’s take a look at off-season changes and additions for each team.

(1) Sour Snails
It wasn’t easy but somehow Trieu’s embattled team took the Toilet Bowl Championship and earned the right to draft first. As it turned out, this was the only no-brainer pick of the supplemental draft. Adding the ultra-talented Kevin Durant will surely lead the Snails to bigger and better days. To be honest though, the draft day move with the biggest impact for the Snails might have been Jason Richardson’s trade to Charlotte. He’ll become the offensive cornerstone and could easily set career marks in many categories.

Wally Szerbiak, Mark Blount, Jason Kapono, Ime Udoka, and Ryan Gomes also changed teams this summer but their fantasy values should stay about the same. Adding Juan Carlos Navarro, “La Bomba,” could give the Snails yet another shooter to compete with this season. Hopes are high for a stellar year.

(2) MoRRie’s Pogiboys
Turns out losing out on the number one pick had huge repercussions for the Pogiboys. Instead of being able to draft Durant or Greg Oden, Alvin was forced to go another direction after Oden’s season ending knee surgery. Ouch. The good news is that rookie Al Horford has a big butt and will likely start at power forward for the Hawks. If he can produce a good number of REB and a BLK or two, Alvin will be satisfied.

Not a lot more changes affected Alvin’s roster, unless you count Chucky Atkins, Steve Blake, and Darko Milicic moving teams big news. Growth for this team will have to come from Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, Darko Milicic, Tyrus Thomas, and Andrew Bynum learning fast. Second round pick Derek Fisher should provide plenty of 3PTs but probably not much else. Point guard is a strength with the C+C Assist Factory, Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups.

(3) Phanatics
Nobody knows where on Earth Ping is but his team is geared up and ready to play this season. Paul Pierce may have added two Hall of Famers on his team over the summer but he’ll still get his. Vince Carter re-upped with the Nets, and more importantly, Jason Kidd. This team is deep all the way down to the core. Lamar Odom, Richard Jefferson, David West, Marcus Camby, and Al Harrington all have significant fantasy value.

There is a lack of serviceable point guards on the roster so Ping’s hoping first round pick Mike Conley will be able to contribute soon. If Travis Outlaw can get more playing time in Portland, he should be able to average 1.5 STL/BLK per game and help the Phanatics round out their strong PTS/REB/3PT game.

(4) 100AcrePoohBears
Despite entering the Toilet Bowl as the best (worst) team, the Pooh Bears were dispatched quickly and even lost the consolation game to the Phanatics. That meant they would have to settle for the fourth pick in the draft. Drafting rookies Jeff Green and Rodney Stuckey might be more useful next year than this year. Green has a chance at lots of playing time but all scouting reports indicate that he’ll be Shane Battier-lite, and maybe not this year. Two of J’s top players went through a summer of discontent, as Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko adamantly wanted out of their current situations. In the end, both will stay with their NBA teams and play out the season. Currently, Anderson Varejao isn’t even signed and is holding out. Point guard Mike Bibby is injured and out for up to ten weeks so the Pooh Bears may be in for some tough times in the backcourt unless Brevin Knight can take over point guard duties in Clipperland.

(5) Human Amoebas
Unsure of how his fully stacked team didn’t win the whole enchilada last year, Eric-A has redoubled his efforts and promises to make at least one roster move this season. Last year, Eric-A didn’t have one waiver move or trade on his way to an 11-9-1 season. With no big changes from the off-season, Eric-A can look forward to the growth from Andrea Bargnani and Marvin Williams.

Supplemental draft picks Luis Scola and Spencer Hawes are both big men who should be able to contribute down the line. Scola is a bulldog and will get lots of REB next to Yao. Hawes is more of a project and will likely learn from Brad Miller this year. The key to the team will be simply filling out the middle of the roster as Dirk, Amare, and Kidd cover all the basics. Can Raja Bell, Quentin Richardson, and Jarrett Jacks continue to produce?

(6) Funk Coalition
With a roster full of point guards, Jon surprised no one by drafting two more, rookie Acie Earl IV and sophmore Kyle Lowry. Both will be involved in time shares but could provide the essential AST and STL needed to power the Funk engine. With Rafer Alston and Smush Parker now solidly stuck in a double (or triple) point guard situation, Jon will need his young guys to step up quick. The biggest question may be how many minutes Randy Foye will receive in Minnesota and what kind of stats he can put up. Aside from that, it's more of the same from a thin squad beyond Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, and Michael Redd. Here's hoping Jameer Nelson, Raymond Felton, and even TJ Ford step it up another notch.

(7) Jedi Knights
With DJ Reno stepping down due to personal reasons, we welcome his replacement owner, the ultra-competitive and knowledgeable Superlum! With a roster that leans toward huge (C Bosh, D Howard, E Okafor, B Miller, Z Ilgauskas), Chris wasted no time adding to his strengths by drafting Al Thornton, who should get plenty of time with Elton Brand out for a significant stretch of time. Looking to open up the floor with some shooting, Lum also drafted Morris Peterson, who should have plenty of chances to fire it up on New Orleans. Indications are that Nate Robinson could be in for a big year so as long as Luol Deng and Mike Miller continue their success from last season, Chris' team will be in good shape.

(8) Buffy
There's no way around it, the loss of Elton Brand hurts. Having traded away Chris Paul for Elton late last season, Buffy won't have much to show for the exchange until after the All Star break. Then again, Stephon Marbury isn't a bad point guard himself so there's a chance Roger's team will remain competitive throughout the season even without Brand. Drafting Kenyon Martin could prove to be a savvy move and if he and the team's other draft pick, multi-talented rookie Corey Brewer can step in, this team will still challenge for the deepest in the league. Rashard Lewis moved to Orlando and will probably set career highs in PTS and 3PT alongside Dwight Howard. The key will be if Baron Davis can stay healthy, as always.

(9) Squirtle Squad
The regular season Eastern Conference champion hasn't changed much over the off-season. Ray Allen may lose some numbers by being in Beantown but Kevin Garnett and Carlos Boozer form one of the best frontcourts in the league. Point guard Deron Williams is a full fledged fantasy star and Brandon Roy will emerge as one also (if he can ever stay healthy). The big question is if Boris Diaw will contribute anything this season with Kurt Thomas' departure from the Valley of the Sun.

By drafting Ronnie Brewer and Martell Webster, Brian is hoping that he can get some additional shooting to shore up his lineup. The sleeper here is Jason Maxiell, who scouts say could be ready for a big role in Detroit. The return of Nenad Krstic will help this team too and there's no reason why the Squirtles won't be a formidable opponent this year.

(10) Fat Jubas
Here's the regular season champion (16-4-1 record) back for another shot at glory after underachieving in the post-season. Last year, the Jubas were derailed by injuries to Dwayne Wade, Jermaine O'Neal, and Tracy McGrady. This time around, Wade's still hurt but the talent level has probably increased. Power forward Al Jefferson is now the man in Minnesota. Lamarcus Aldridge will become a scary fantasy force. The addition of the mysterious Yi Jianlian could pay big dividends later this season. Burly sophmore Rashad McCants might emerge as a sleeper also. All in all, with Wade, McGrady, J O'Neal, A Igoudala, T Parker, J Howard, L Barbosa, and Corey Maggette in a featured role, Eric-L's team will still be the favorite to win the West.

(11) Chunky Monkeys
The Monkeys made the Finals last year but had a backcourt that included the likes of Mardy Collins and Allan Ray. Not good. Suffering from significant injuries all around even as they pushed to the last week of the season, the Monkeys are looking to stay healthy this year in order to put up a real fight on their way to a championship.

With Gilbert Arenas, Joe Johnson, and Josh Smith anchoring a nicely balanced team, Evan is hoping that young guys like Danny Granger, Rajon Rondo, Andrei Biedrins, draft picks Marco Belinelli and Craig Smith can step up to the plate and hit their some fantasy home runs. Last year's revelation was guard Mo Williams and he'll probably put up similar numbers as he re-upped with the Bucks.

(12) Poobic Heirs
What do you add to a championship team? How about the number one pick in this year's NBA draft? Okay, okay, Greg Oden won't be available all of 2007-2008 but next year, he could turn out to be a tremendous value selection for Oliver. If any team can have the patience to wait on Mr.Oden, it's this one. With good players all the way to the bottom of the roster, the Heirs passed up on their second round supplemental pick as they elected to hold onto everyone from last year's team, save Jeff Foster.

It's hard not to argue with a starting lineup that features an underrated Kirk Hinrich, all world Kobe Bryant, monster thief Caron Butler, mercurial Rasheed Wallace, and Yao Ming. With a second five that consists of Ricky Davis, Andrew Bogut, Kevin Martin, Monta Ellis, and Shane Battier, Oliver's team should be stacked once again. After spurting through the playoffs despite a barely over 0.500 record, nobody will take the Poobic Heirs lightly again.