Recap: Week 19

Inter-Conference Games
7-2, Squirtle Squad vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
6-3, Buffy vs Sour Snails

Conference Games
6-3, Phanatics vs Rhythm Drive
5-4, Fat Jubas vs Pooh Bears
5-4, Poobic Heirs vs Funk Coalition
8-1, Chunky Monkeys vs Human Amoebas
(statistics)

6-3, Phanatics vs Rhythm Drive
The oft-injured Phanatics finally pick up a win, even though Lamar Odom didn't contribute anything to the lineup. With mighty mite Earl Watson on the loose to the tune of 14.5 PTS, 8 AST, 2.5 STL, and 2 3PT, maybe the Phanatics didn't need Odom? Vince Carter pumped in 21 PTS and 5 REB a game but he missed msot of his shots (36.7 FG%) and barely hit any 3PT. Since his return, Paul Pierce has only been a shadow of his former self and David West has cooled off after a fast start. Can the return of Marcus Camby and Richard Jefferson position the Phanatics for a run in the Toilet Bowl? They better hope so, otherwise this team is going to need some major restructuring.

Meanwhile, the Drive need to pull it together too. Emeka Okafor still sits in the lineup despite being obviously injured and down for the count. It's time for Steve Francis, Grant Hill, and Eddie Jones (19.25 PTS, 5 REB, 2 STL, 3.75 3PT) to hit the lineup and take over for Okafor and Sam Cassell. While Chris Bosh, Dwight Howard, Luol Deng, and Mike Miller can still pace this team, they're going to need some better lineup management for them to make any noise in the playoffs. Both the Phanatics and the Drive are in similar precarious positions, but they can both still make good on a season that held so much promise, but is now coming down to an endpoint.

7-2, Squirtle Squad vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
It's been a whirlwind week for the Pogiboys, as they've turned over half their roster in a few short days. Two trades, a few waiver wire additions and almost another trade later, the Pogiboys are positioning themselves for a Toilet Bowl victory. Sure, they got dumped on their ass this week but half those players aren't even here anymore. Who is still around? Gerald Wallace and his 26.3 PTS and 13 REB. Young players like Rudy Gay, Darko Milicic, Hakim Warrick, and Tyrus Thomas will have to contribute for the stretch run but this team suddenly has quite the point guard duo behind Chauncey Billups and Chris Paul. With only two short weeks to gel, can the Pogiboys be ready for the (Toilet Bowl) spotlight?

The Squad is ready and any time the playoffs start, they've got their eyes on the prize. The odds on favorite to advance to the Finals, the Squad is hurting a little bit -- David Lee and Andres Nocioni are out -- but they should have enough firepower left to take on all comers. Brandon Roy is a budding star (22.5 PTS, 5.5 AST, 2 3PT) and it looks like Brian was right on in selecting him in the sixth round and showing patience with him. Ray Allen is still the heart and soul of this team (29 PTS, 1.5 STL, 3 3PT); or is it Kevin Garnett (27 PTS, 13 REB, 4.3 AST, 2.3 BLK)? Hard to tell isn't it? The two of them are definitely the best inside-out combination in the league, as they cover all nine statistical categories. Do we hear co-MVP chants for this team?

5-4, Fat Jubas vs Pooh Bears
Both the Jubas and Bears are just riding out the regular season. The Jubas as the kings of the West, the Pooh Bears as the Toilet Bowl king of the East. Neither one can be affected negatively or positively the rest of the way and they're just hoping for no whammies (injuries). But they still play the game right? Fat Jubas narrowed edged out a ho-hum victory with a few extra three pointers (26-22) as Tracy McGrady showcased his range with 10 3PT on the week -- along with 25.75 PTS and 7 AST. Corey Maggette (19 PTS, 1.7 STL) and Zaza Pachulia (15.25 PTS, 9.75 REB) have been nice surprises too.

The Bears shot astoundingly well as a team this week: 50.0 FG% and 82.8 FT%. They'll need to keep that up to fend off a revamped Pogiboys during the Toilet Bowl. If they can, they're staring at adding Oden-Durant to an already formidable lineup. Marion, Gasol, and Oden next to Bibby, Gordon, and A Miller (18.7 PTS, 6.3 AST, 2 STL) sound good? Sure does!

5-4, Poobic Heirs vs Funk Coalition
While every other playoff contender in the West won this week, Funk Coalition collapsed under pressure and have most likely locked in a #4 seed in their conference. At the same time, with this win, the Poobic Heirs are one game up on the Human Amoebas and Rhythm Drive for the #2 seed in the East. Despite a few errant elbows or two, Kobe Bryant led the way with 31.7 PTS, 8.7 REB, 5 AST, and 2 3PT. That was enough to fend off Lebron and crew. Lebron (finally) had a huge week; 32.75 PTS, 8.5 REB, 7.75 AST, 2.25 STL, 2.5 3PT and more importantly, 73.1% from the line. If there were any doubts that Yao would come back strong, those doubts were dashed as he put up 22 PTS and 9 REB over four games this week.

6-3, Buffy vs Sour Snails
The Buff should have locked up a first round matchup with the suddenly derailed Chunky Monkeys. It's looking like the trade that involved Joe Johnson and Tim Duncan might have turned out better for Roger than it did for Evan. We'll find out as they are slated to fight it out in the playoffs. As for their last few warm up weeks, Buffy is just ridiing the big man Shaqalicious as he surges to the top of the charts - 20.5 PTS, 8.25 REB, and 67.3 FG%. Antawn Jamison is fully healthy again too (22.75 PTS, 7.25 REB, 1.5 3PT) and this upcoming week, Stephon Marbury and Elton Brand join the party to make one of the biggest -- not to mention most expensive -- teams in the league.

The Snails were looking good for awhile but now they're headed downhill again. Wally Szczerbiak shut it down for the season, Ron Artest is hitting people again, Ryan Gomes is hurt, Jason Kapono is hurt. The return of Jason Richardson (16.75 PTS, 4 REB/AST, 2.75 3PT) and Allen Iverson (25.75 PTS, 4.75 AST, 2 STL) is great, but can this team pull it together to beat the Phanatics for one of the coveted top picks? They're gonna have to really get their asses in gear. And Ron, stop hitting people!

8-1, Chunky Monkeys vs Human Amoebas
The Amoebas sure have a weird habit of getting crushed every few weeks. While they can certainly dish out the punishment on occasion, they are a good team that seems to collapse every so often. 7-2, 8-1, etc. The reasons for their inconsistent play hasn't yet been discovered by they better figure it out soon. This week, they played 8 less games than their opponent, which explains the loss. Only Rip Hamilton (18 PTS, 4 AST, 51.9 FG%) played four games. Everyone else was slated for three or less. The injury to Quentin Richardson didn't help matters either.

The Monkeys won on paper but their biggest loss came off the court as recent addition Joe Johnson may choose to shut it down for the season; due to a deep bruise. Sissy. Gilbert Arenas is back on track (27.75 PTS, 4.75 AST, 2.5 STL, 3.25 3PT) but can he carry the team deep in the playoffs himself? Josh Smith is still a solid second-in-command but will Manu Ginobili continue to be on fire (20.5 PTS, 2.5 3PT)? The still inspired play of Tyson Chandler (13 PTS, 11.7 REB, 3.7 BLK) is great news, but it's a sad week for Chunky fans everywhere.

Recap: Week 18

Inter-Conference Games
5-4, Buffy vs Phanatics
5-4, Rhythm Drive vs Squirtle Squad
5-3, Chunky Monkeys vs Sour Snails

Conference Games
5-4, MoRRie's Pogiboys vs Poobic Heirs
5-4, Funk Coalition vs Pooh Bears
6-3, Fat Jubas vs Human Amoebas
(statistics)

5-4, MoRRie's Pogiboys vs Poobic Heirs
It's over! Alvin's thirteen game losing streak is over! And not a moment too soon as the Pogiboys were lagging in morale and the fan attendance was at an all time low. How'd they do it? Well, a last second three by the much maligned Stephon Marbury gave Pogiboys the edge in 3PT (40 to 39) and got them the win. Stephon Marbury was back to Star status this week with an average of 30 PTS, 5.5 AST, 1.5 STL, and 4.25 3PT -- a total of 17 3PT. This victory was certainly Star-powered but the surging Gerald Wallace helped out too with his stellar shooting and 2.5 STL per game. Outfitted with two young bigs, the Pogiboys might even win another game soon!

The Heirs are top contenders but they walk away from this matchup with a loss, one that might have been prevented if Rasheed Wallace had suited up. Oh well, at least Yao is back for the stretch run, so there's not too much to complain about here. A healthy Heir team is still my pick to win the East.

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Pooh Bears
Both teams badly needed a victory, well, maybe the Pooh Bears needed one more. With hotly contested matchups in PTS, AST, and STL, the week culminated in a blow up face off between Michael Redd and Ben Gordon. The two combined for 100 points Sunday night and Jon walked away with a tight victory in STL (by 1) to effectively close the door on the Pooh Bears playoff hopes. With only three games left in the regular season, the Bears are three games behind the pack. Time to prepare for the Toilet Bowl?

The Funk dropped in an eye-gouging 64 3PT on the week, behind Redd's 16, Matt Carroll's 9, and everyone else dialing in from distance.

5-4, Buffy vs Phanatics
Can it get worse for Roger on the injury front? With JR Smith still ailing, Baron doing his time on the bench, and Luke Walton not looking to return soon, the Buffy depth will be sorely tested as Jamal Crawford exits stage right for the season. Jamal has been an explosive component to the Buffy attack and now they're forced to all but forego competing in 3PT. The good news is that Rashard Lewis fully recovered, as evidenced by his 27.25 PTS, 7.25 REB, 1.5 STL, and 2.75 3PT this week. On top of that, the Daddy is back (24.7 PTS, 9.3 REB, 1.7 BLK) but can it be enough to offset all these injuries?

The Phanatics lost by only 6 in REB, 5 in AST, and 30 in PTS so they almost had a chance this week. The thing to do now is just prepare for the Toilet Bowl as the are clearly out of playoff contention. Toward that end, Lamar Odom's 2-3 week injury won't exactly help matters; even if Richard Jefferson and Marcus Camby are back in action.

5-4, Rhythm Drive vs Squirtle Squad
The Drive have the lowest Points For (75) of any playoff team but they keep winning -- two in a row -- and are sitting pretty at second in the East. This week, they easy handled Brian's East leading Squirtle Squad despite the absence of Emeka Okafor. Luol Deng is a fantasy star (21.75 PTS, 5.25 REB, 4.5 AST, 2 STL and 58.1%) but he's often overlooked. His big week, along with Kyle Korver and Mike Miller's combined 39.75 PTS and 17 3PT, were enough to topple the Squad with no real problems.

The Squirtles are 2.5 games ahead of the competition so they can relax a bit and wait for Ray Allen to recover. Ray-Ray was on the verge of ending his season but it looks like he'll be returning to action on a bum ankle. With rebounding phenom David Lee ailing, and only stalwarts Carlos Boozer and Kevin Garnett contributing, the Squad took a quick loss.

5-3, Chunky Monkeys vs Sour Snails
The return of Jason Richardson to fantasy prominence (16.5 PTS, 7.25 REB, 5 AST, 1.5 BLK, 1 STL, 1.75 3PT) will help Trieu a lot, but not this week. Richardson played a lot of minutes, partly due to Stephen Jackson's bust of a week and the Snails couldn't use Nash-Iverson-Richardson to make up any ground on the Monkeys.

Once challenging for the lead in the West, they Monkeys have been uneven of late and are now duking it out with Roger for the #2 seed. Joe Johnson was an animal last week (27 PTS, 5.75 AST, 1.75 STL, 2.5 3PT on 53.2 FG%) and his fellow Hawk, Josh Smith, blocked 16 shots in four games. Wow. The horrific injury to Shaun Livingston aside, the Monkeys are prepping for a playoff run now that they're healthy and clicking -- except for Agent Zero, who is slumping badly due to a collarbone issue.

6-3, Fat Jubas vs Human Amoebas
Despite losing Dwayne Wade and Tony Parker's services to injuries, the Jubas easily dispatched the Amoebas behind the stunning work of Andre Igoudala (23.5 PTS, 7.25 REB, 6.5 AST, 3 STL) and Al Jefferson (23.5 PTS, 14.5 REB, 1.5 BLK). The Amoebas tried to take control behind their terrific duo of Dirk and Amare but without a third option, they faltered and will now have to fight it out with Reno and Oliver for playoff seeding -- all three teams are tied at 10-7-1 records. Can the Amoebas head into the post-season having not made any waiver moves all season? Time will tell as this dangerous team has been up and down all season but clearly still capable of winning quite a few games.

Recap: Week 16

Inter-Conference Games
6-3, Phanatics vs Fat Jubas
5-4, Funk Coalition vs Sour Snails
6-3, Buffy vs Chunky Monkeys
6-3, Human Amoebas vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
6-3, Squirtle Squad vs Pooh Bears
5-4, Poobic Heirs vs Rhythm Drive

Conference Games
none

With a short week and no players logging more than 2 games, upsets were bound to happen. The East took care of business, but the West had two (nearly three) big upsets. We'll take an abridged look at an an abridged week.

6-3, Phanatics vs Fat Jubas
The Phanatics put up a not too shabby 335 PTS in only 20 games and took the conference leading Jubas to the mat with a swift power slam. Nene dropped in 42 PTS on 68.0 FG% and the Phanatics used David West's 20 REB to clear the Jubas on the boards (by 5). Andre Iguodala had career high 13 AST in one game which was eyebrow raising and impressive -- but ultimately futile.

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Sour Snails
The Funk used their two extra GP to sneak out a win that should have been the Snails. Heading into the waning moments of Thursday night, the Snails were up 6-2 and cruising to a third straight win. But one magical BLK by Smush Parker, a few REB, and a 18-22 FT night for Lebron (versus 3-10 for the Snail's Larry Hughes) and the Coalition escaped with a much needed victory.

6-3, Buffy vs Chunky Monkeys
Another West upset special this week as Buffy takes out the suddenly vulnerable Monkeys. Buffy squeaked by the Monkeys in PTS (by 9), helped no doubt by Cuttino Mobley's 48 PTS on 54.5 FG%. They almost had the Monkeys in AST too (losing by only 4), to make it even more of a lopsided victory. When is Gilbert Arenas going to pull out of his shooting slump (30.8 FG% this week)?

6-3, Human Amoebas vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
We thought the Pogiboys might sneak one out this week to avoid the ignominious honor of owning the longest consecutive losing streak -- which they now own, at 12 losses -- since the Amoebas had Jason Kidd ailing. But Dirk Diggler dominated with averages of 32 PTS, 9.5 REB, 4.5 AST, and 2 3PT. The Pogis were unable to capitalize as Elton Brand sat out this week and Gerald Wallace's one game line of 32 PTS, 7 REB, 4 AST, and 2 BLK/3PT on great percentages wasn't quite enough for a miracle. Make the pain stop!

5-4, Poobic Heirs vs Rhythm Drive
The Drive need to keep winning to keep the Toilet Bowl hounds at bay. Playing an astonishing 6 games down in a short week won't help matters. Of course, they still almost won despite Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Brad Miller, and Mickael Pietrus contributing nothing into the starting lineup. The Poobic Heirs got nice numbers from Caron Butler (16 PTS, 8 AST, 5 STL in one game) and Monta Ellis (18.5 PTS, 4 AST, 2.5 STL) for the win. Will Yao make it back in time for the playoffs? Do the streaking Heirs -- six wins and counting -- even need him?

6-3, Squirtle Squad vs Pooh Bears
Despite being 4 GP down, the Squad took care of business, edging the Pooh Bears in AST (by 1) and STL (by 2) to take the win. They can thank Deron Williams and his outstanding 2-game week of 40 PTS, 21 AST, 3 STL and 2 3PT on 56.7% shooting for leading the way in a time when true All-Stars step up -- even if they don't go to Vegas. With only five weeks left in the regular season, the Bears are two games behind Rhythm Drive for that last playoff spot. Can they make it?

Recap: Week 15

Inter-Conference Games
5-4, The Poobic Heirs vs Pooh Bears
6-2, Human Amoebas vs Squirtle Squad
5-4, Funk Coalition vs Phanatics
7-2, Fat Jubas vs Buffy

Conference Games
5-3, Sour Snails vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
5-3, Rhythm Drive vs Chunky Monkeys
(statistics)

5-3, Sour Snails vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
The Snails are having an undefeated month! Someone alert Springfield; this is historic! And they're doing it largely without Allen Iverson and um, Steve Nash. Stephen Jackson has stepped up his game (22.75 PTS, 4 REB/AST, 1.5 STL/3PT) along with that other crazy man from Northern California, Ron Artest. Artest shot a respectable 45.6%, put in 18 PTS, 8.25 REB, 4.5 AST, 2 STL, and 2.5 3PT. The duo are the Batman and Robin of the NBA; except they don't hit criminals, they hit NBA fans!

This week, they just clear knocked out the Pogiboys -- who had a 5 GP advantage too. With this loss, the Pogiboys have tied the Snails for the longest consecutive losing streak of the season. Unless they pull a big win out next week against the Human Amoebas, the Pogiboys will be the sole holder of this dubious record. It's clearly build for the future time but Alvin still needs to win in the Toilet Bowl to secure Durant or Oden. Can Elton and Billups lead the way to the promised (lottery) land? Can the Pogiboys win another game this season?

5-4, The Poobic Heirs vs Pooh Bears
The game of the week here fellas, in terms of big man on campus status. Both teams had four game win streaks on the line and only one team could emerge victorious. The Pooh Bears are climbing into the playoff picture and the Poobic Heirs are trying to the East leading Squirtles. In what seemed like a tightly contested game, it was really all Poobic Heirs.

The Bears barely won AST, STL, and BLK and only the razor thin margins in those categories prevented a blow out. Outside of Pau Gasol (22.5 PTS, 12.5 REB, 3 BLK), nobody on the Bears really stepped up this week. Among other highlights, the Heirs got a big push from Kirk Hinrich (23.75 PTS, 5 AST, 2.5 3PT) and Kevin Martin (23.25 PTS, 2.25 3PT, 50.9 FG%) to push their win streak to five games. Who's lucky number six? Can Reno stop Oliver?

6-2, Human Amoebas vs Squirtle Squad
Man, those Amoebas sure are hard to pin down. They get blown out, they blow people out. They win two, they lose one, they win two, they lose two. They sure are...shapeless. Are there any amoeba jokes out there? Bueller? Bueller?

Taking down the top ranked team in the land isn't an easy task but the Amoebas sure made it look easy in a 6-2 drubbing of the Squirtles. The biggest draft day gamble may have been taking Amare Stoudemire with a third round pick but that pick has been gold -- as proven by Amare's 31.75 PTS, 11.25 REB, and 54.4 FG% week. Another Amoeba draft day gamble, Raja Bell, casually contributed 18 PTS, 4 REB/AST, and 2.25 3PT.

One man's third round gold is another man's third round pyrite. Boris Diaw -- the Squirtles third round pick -- has had his impact subdued due to Amare's presence. The Squirtles are also suffering from injuries, mainly to Carlos Boozer and Andres Nocioni, and despite a heroic effort from Ray Allen (29 PTS, 4 REB, 5 AST, 2.25 STL and 3 3PT) couldn't do enough damage to put up much of a fight.

7-2, Fat Jubas vs Buffy
The Jubas are in take no prisoners mode and defending their perch atop the West by unleashing a wicked beat down on Buffy. Even though Chris Paul is back, the Baron is hurt (for awhile) and that kills Buffy. The good news is: Rashard Lewis is back too and rounding into shape. And look, a Shaq sighting in the lineup (15.25 PTS, 5 REB, 2 BLK)! There's not a lot of nice things to say about a 7-2 loss but there is a silver lining here as the Buff are looking much better with some of their injured stars returning and Shaq and Webber looking like they're capable of contributing.

After calling out the Big German this week, Dwayne Wade went out and tossed in 27.5 PTS and 8.75 AST on 57.1% shooting to back up his words. Wade's been slept on this year but he's been amazing. The only thing this guy can't do is shoot 3PT but his AST and FG% have been astronomical. The Jubas are for real and have Wade, McGrady, AI2, Josh Howard, Jermaine O'Neal, Tony Parker, and Leandro Barbosa attacking the rim and wrecking opponents. Watch out now!

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Phanatics
In a close, but preposterous game, Adam Morrison and Steve Blake sealed a win for the Funk by getting back-to-back blocks in the waning moments of the matchup with the Phanatics. The Funk lost PTS by 1 but won BLK by 1 -- maybe the first time they've won that category all season. For the Phanatics, having Nene and his 5 BLK in there, instead of the injured Marcus Camby, would have won the week for them. Ouch. Hey, at least Paul Pierce is back -- if Ping remains alert enough to put The Truth into the lineup.

Carmelo Anthony had a huge return from suspension with four games worth of 30.25 PTS, 8.25 REB and 7.75 AST. Melo's an All-Star! The Funk need him to stay strong as Lebron seems to have slumped under a weakened toe (19.3 PTS, 7.3 REB, 4.6 AST on 41.2%). The Funk have been doubling up their opponents in AST and dominating in STL and 3PT but barely winning (or rather, losing). Rumors abound that a major shakeup is coming.

5-3, Rhythm Drive vs Chunky Monkeys
In their last matchup, Reno and Evan secured our league's first tie. This time around, Reno landed an uppercut to Evan's jaw and scored a KO. Of course, the two teams still tied in turnovers -- who the hell ties in turnovers!? Rhythm Drive won despite losing BLK -- again. This isn't what the doctor ordered but hey, the Monkeys are the best BLK team in the business so this wasn't too bad. Josh Smith had a ri-blockulous 13 BLK while Emeka only had 4 BLK for the Drive (Dwight had 10 though).

The Drive did have enough juice to take PTS and STL (Luol and Emeka both had 7 STL each for the team to win by 1 STL). The main reason for the big win though? How about that Dwight Howard? Young Dwight shot 84.6% FROM THE FIELD and had a 27 PTS, 10 REB, 2.5 BLK, and 5 TO (!) average for the week. The Monkey's number one man, Agent Zero, talked a big game but only put up 18 PTS per in three games on 32.1 FG%. Looks like Gil and the Chunky crew's big mouth finally caught up with them this week as they landed hard on the mat.

Recap: Week 14

Inter-Conference Games
8-1, The Poobic Heirs vs Human Amoeba
6-3, Pooh Bears vs Rhythm Drive
6-3, Chunky Monkeys vs Fat Jubas
5-4, Buffy vs Funk Coalition

Conference Games
5-4, Phanatics vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
5-4, Sour Snails vs Squirtle Squad
(statistics)

5-4, Sour Snails vs Squirtle Squad
What does it mean when 11-win Squirtle Squad loses to 1-win Sour Snails? Is the worst team in the West better than the best team in the East? Nobody expected the tiny sluggers from the West to win this one but win they did for their morale boosting second W of the season. At first glance, the loss of Carlos Boozer might account for the loss, but the Squad won PTS-REB handily, as well as FG%. Maybe Boozer would have contributed 2 STL or BLK -- and got the win for the Squad -- but then again, it's not like the Snails weren't missing a star of their own (Allen Iverson only played one game).

This was a legit win here! Rasual Bulter, Ryan Gomes, Trenton Hassell (5 BLK), and Hedo Turkoglu; step right up! Hedo had 8 STL (1 more than Artest) and his fine defensive effort can be given much of the credit for the Snails stunning win. A European shooter playing defense for the win?! The fantasy gods have a funny sense of humor.

Or maaaybe, it was just Trieu's birthday this week (Feb 2) so he used his one wish to go undefeated the rest of the season. One down, a championship to come.

6-3, Chunky Monkeys vs Fat Jubas
How many teams can sit the likes of Manu Ginobili and Danny Granger on the bench and pull off a quality win over a conference leader? The Monkeys were on fire this week with the newly acquired Joe Johnson (an eye-opening week of 33 PTS, 5 AST/REB, 4 3PT) and Tyson Chandler (15.25 REB, 2.75 BLK). Can anybody match 667 PTS, 272 REB, 34 BLK, 46 3PT and great percentages for the week? Woo-whee.

The diminished Jubas didn't stand a chance with McGrady ailing, Josh Howard hurting, and Tony Parker on the bench. Are we seeing a changing of the guard here? Are the Monkeys making push to be the Best of the West?

5-4, Phanatics vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
It looks like every weak West team is stepping up this week. The moribund Phanatics took it to the Pogiboys (playing five less games) and left Alvin's squad crying and weeping after losing their tenth straight. It was a pretty close battle but in the end, the Phanatics had 4 more 3PT -- on five more games -- and squeaked out a win. If it wasn't for waiver wire addition Chucky Atkins' 8 3PT for the Pogiboys, it wouldn't even have been that close.

The Pogi's have to be happy that Gerald Wallace is finally going wild though (26 PTS, 10.8 REB, 2 BLK/STL, 1 3PT on 55.4 FG%). The Phanatics have their own good news story, as Lamar Odom returned as versatile as ever (16 PTS, 10 REB, 4.5 AST, 1.75 STL/3PT). These two likely Toilet Bowl contestants get a late season look at each other

5-4, Buffy vs Funk Coalition
An extra 7-GP should allow anybody to compete right? Well, compete yes, win no. The Funk had a seven game advantage on Buffy this week -- annihilating them in PTS, AST, STL, and 3PT, but oh that tricky FT%. 77.8% from Buffy to 74.4% from Funk. You think Lebron's 47.4% from the line has anything to do with that? You bet your All-Star berth it does! Even notoriously bad free throw shooter Tim Duncan pulled off 82.6% this week. Lebron, stop making commercials and get thee to the gym.

Buffy sneaks out a win as Nick Collision continues to contribute amazing numbers (20 PTS, 12.7 REB, 1.3 BLK on 64.1 FG%). Good news? Chris Paul is back. Bad news? Antawn Jamison is out. Will Buffy ever get a full roster? Maybe not...

8-1, The Poobic Heirs vs Human Amoeba
I guess if you're going to dish it out you gotta be able to take it too right? The Amoebas came within a few free throws of being made the second team to be swept in every category -- they had done the sweeping the first time around. Raja Bell and Quentin Richardson flamed out this week (injuries) and it looks like when they misfire, opposing defenses collapse on Dirk, Amare, and Zach and the Amoebas lose -- sometimes big. Or um, that's the way I think it would work if fantasy basketball was real basketball.

Or maybe we're just looking at it the wrong way, as the Heirs laid out an ass whooping behind Kobe Bryant and the Kirk Hinrich-es. Kirk tossed up 20.7 PTS, 8 AST, 2 STL and 1.3 3PT on 53.2% shooting as he continues his fine play. Kobe finally has a real point guard, sadly, it's only on Oliver's roster.

6-3, Pooh Bears vs Rhythm Drive
Wait, weren't the Drive supposed to win BLK handily with Emeka Okafor on their side? Instead, the Drive lost the BLK category by 4. What gives? Okafor got 10 in four games, but Dwight Howard and Big Z put up less than 1 per game this week. The Pooh Bears had Pau Gasol swat 13 shots in only three games. That's the difference. The Drive did win PTS, FG% and REB so the plan is on track, but losing by 1 3PT probably hurt too. Mike Miller put in 5.7 3PT per game (an astonishing 17 by himself) but nobody else stepped up to help him out.

Clearly, the Drive will need another week to gel and become a team -- something the Pooh Bears have done as they have streaked out for four straight wins and are only 1-game behind the Drive and the Amoebas for a playoff spot. And let's give a big shout-out to the underrated Josh Childress who is an all-around talent with an impressive 52.5 FG% (along with 6.5 REB, 4.5 AST, 1 STL/BLK/3PT).

Recap: Week 13

Inter-Conference Games
5-4, Chunky Monkeys vs Funk Coalition
6-3, Pooh Bears vs Human Amoeba

Conference Games
5-4, Buffy vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
7-2, Poobic Heirs vs Sour Snails
7-2, Squirtle Squad vs Phanatics
5-4, Flaming Shrapnel vs Rhythm Drive
(statistics)

5-4, Buffy vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
Oh if only the Pogiboy's could get their act together. They've been close to victories so many times but too many lost opportunities have doomed them to loss after loss. This time out, the Pogiboys just ran into a Buffy buzzsaw; or more accurately, a hot as fire Jamal Crawford (32.5 PTS, 6.25 AST, 3.75 3PT and 16 straight shots made!). Buffy still has Chris Paul and Rashard Lewis ailing but importing the newly acquired Tim Duncan, a healthy Shaquille O'Neal, and a suddenly playable Chris Webber into the lineup could quickly transform the strength of this team from the backcourt to the frontcourt. The good news for the Pogiboys is that third round pick Gerald Wallace shot 52.5% on the week, scored 21.25 PTS and contributed 8.5 REB and 1.75 STL -- still no BLKs but something is better than nothing.

7-2, Poobic Heirs vs Sour Snails
The Snails are on the hunt for win number two and shed a quarter of their roster recently in a drastic move by management to find some hope. Clearly, it's rebuilding time. Low upside veterans like Trenton Hassell, Hedo Turkoglu, Anthony Parker, et al, are not the answer. Bring in the youth and bring in some vision. The Snails need to build a team around the dynamic duo of Steve Nash and Allen Iverson but at this rate, those two talents are being overwhelmed weekly. Not much has been heard from Ron Artest of late but that's perhaps why he's excelling (22.75 PTS, 7.5 REB, 2.5 STL, 1.75 3PT and 52.1 FG%). The Snails will need to stay busy to make a push in the Toilet Bowl and for next year.

Let's talk about early season fantasy gems Monta Ellis and Kevin Martin. Both have settled into their roles and have proven that they can be depended on for big numbers. Monta is a scoring machine with good AST and STL numbers while Kevin Martin has slowed down some (if 20 PTS, 4 REB, 1.7 3PT is "slow") but is still Rip Hamilton with some range. Both are extremely solid fantasy players and it's a credit to the Heirs' scouting that both were plucked so late in the draft - Rd 10 for Martin and Rd 14 for Ellis.

7-2, Squirtle Squad vs Phanatics
The Phanatics haven't had much to look forward to this season but finally, finally, they are close to being 100% healthy. Swingmen Paul Pierce and Richard Jefferson are still down for the count but forwards Lamar Odom and David West are back; not to mention center Marcus Camby. Even more good news: post-trade, Al Harrington put up 29 PTS, 3 3PT, 1.7 STL on a ridiculous 72.7 FG% in three games last week. The Phanatics should be preparing for a Toilet Bowl run and they're headed in the right direction. Of course, it's not all roses and ice cream since they still got pounded by the league leading Squirtles this week.

For the Squad, it's more savvy waiver wire manuvering as Delonte West has suddenly returned to fantasy prominence with 20.5 PTS, 5.75 REB, 2 STL, and a handful of 3PT. We haven't talked much about Kevin Garnett this year because he's just so consistently dominating (24.25 PTS, 9.5 REB, 4.25 AST, 3 STL, 1 BLK and great percentages) but he's almost the steal of the draft at #7 overall -- unless it's Gilbert Arenas at #6 overall.


5-4, Flaming Shrapnel vs Rhythm Drive
The Drive have made big changes themselves this week and they're hoping that it'll enable them to pull out of a two game nose dive. Despite putting up a good fight against the Western Conference leader, the Drive fell short in REB (by 30) and lost BLK too; the newly acquired Emeka Okafor will do his damnest to make sure that never happens again. The Jubas didn't have a great week by their high standards -- Tracy McGrady rode the pine -- but they had enough from Andre Igoudala and the immortal Dwayne Wade (31 PTS, 5.7 REB, 7 AST, 3 STL) to pull out the win.

5-4, Chunky Monkeys vs Funk Coalition
These two teams have made two trades each so it's fitting that after this week, both of their personalities will look to change drastically. The Monkeys will get smaller without Tim Duncan, the Funk will get super small by moving Emeka Okafor and importing Raymond Felton; plus adding a bunch of waiver wire guards. This week, the Funk were undermanned (no Redd, no TJ Ford, one game missed from Lebron) and overpowered. The Monkeys blasted them from the get-go and the matchup wasn't as close as the score indicated. It looks like Josh Smith is finally finding a groove with 20.5 PTS, 9.5 REB, 2 STL, and 2.75 BLK for the week -- J.Smooth indeed. Next week, everything changes for these two.

6-3, Pooh Bears vs Human Amoeba
It looks like the Pooh Bears are making a push to join the playoff party. Three straight wins later, they are nipping at the heels of this week's opponent, the Amoebas, and Rhythm Drive for that final Eastern Conference playoff spot. After squeaking out category wins in PTS (+27), REB (+11), and BLK (+4) this week, the Bears may have finally learned how to win. Point guard Andre Miller has been Jason Kidd-like with 16 PTS, 6.75 REB, and 10 AST for the week. Someone's loving life as a Sixer!

It's hard to say how the Amoebas lost after cleaning out Rhythm Drive in spectacular fashion last week, but it probably has something to do with Andrea Bargnani, Quentin Richardson, and Jarrett Jack all sucking it up big time this week. It may be time to dip into that bench and see if Marvin Williams is ready for the big time. Let's just call this an emotional let-down game for the Amoebas after a record making win last week.

Recap: Week 12

Conference Games
9-0, Human Amoebas vs Rhythm Drive
7-1, Squirtle Squad vs Buffy
8-1, Poobic Heirs vs Phanatics
6-3, Chunky Monkeys vs MoRRie's Pogiboys

Inter-Conference Games
7-2, Fat Jubas vs Funk Coalition
9-0, Human Amoebas vs Rhythm Drive

This was a week of intense beat downs. No 5-4 scores here buddy. Every team that lost was thoroughly beaten and this was highlighted by our first 9-0 week as the Human Amoebas took the Rhythm Drive to the rack, to the basket, to the bench, to the streets, stomped the yard, back to Reno's home, and then took him one last time in the bedroom. Just walk it off baby, walk it off.

9-0, Human Amoebas vs Rhythm Drive
What can you say about an unanimous victory? The Amoebas hurled injury onto insult by dropping 55 3PT on the Drive (18 from Raja and 16 from Quentin Richardson). In Reno's defense, Steve Francis is still ailing and not in lineup. Keep in mind, Reno was on a four game winning streak here. What happened?!?

7-2, Fat Jubas vs Funk Coalition
The Jubas trounced the Funk in Week 1 and they did it again in their second matchup. Funk tried to dial it in from downtown -- 55 3PT -- but they weren't really in contention versus a Jubas team that is finding its groove and not looking back. Josh Howard is making his push for All-Star status (27.3 PTS, 9 REB, 2 3PT, 1.7 STL) -- and succeeding.

7-1, Squirtle Squad vs Buffy
Buffy gave it a go but only managed to tie in AST and win STL. Everything aside from that was all Squirtles. Even with a Kevin Garnett suspension and just two games from Ray Allen, Brian had enough punch to take Roger out early. All hail Matt Carroll (17.5 PTS, 2.25 3PT, 52.2 FG%), who has been putting up ridiculous numbers for awhile now. Carroll is the rich man's Adam Morrison!

8-1, Poobic Heirs vs Phanatics
Life goes on for the injury plagued Phanatics as they only managed to win the turnover battle - by playing seven less games. Kobe could have probably beat the entire Phanatic team this week by himself as the Heirs nearly doubled the Phanatics in just about every category. In good news, David West did come back to put up 22.5 PTS and 11.5 REB in two games (on the bench) which is nice.

7-2, Pooh Bears vs Sour Snails
God this man is scary. Take a look at the picture of Stephen Jackson. This is the way this man takes a publicity shot? With a snarl and a look of utter wickedness? Geezes. Shame Jackson's crazy Golden State start (29 PTS, 7 REB, 5 AST, 5 STL, 5 3PT) couldn't quite push the Snails to a win -- or even within a rocket launcher's distance of a win.

6-3, Chunky Monkeys vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
The only West team to beat an East opponent this week? The Monkeys, who won the squeaker of the week by beating the Pogiboys by only three categories. That loss might have something to do with Alvin's Double-Ds (Damon Jones and Damon Stoudamire), who combined to score 33 points total in seven games. The Monkeys got an immediate return from Mehmet Okur (27 PTS, 7.5 REB, 2.25 3PT) and Mike Dunleavy (16 PTS, 8 REB, 3.5 AST, 2 3PT) on their way to an easy win.

Recap: Week 11

Inter-Conference Games
5-4, Sour Snails vs Human Amoebas
5-4, Rhythm Drive vs Funk Coalition
5-4, Squirtle Squad vs Chunky Monkeys
5-4, Fat Jubas vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
8-1, Poobic Heirs vs Buffy
7-2, Pooh Bears vs Phanatics

Conference Games
none
(statistics)

5-4, Sour Snails vs Human Amoebas
This is NOT a misprint, the Snails have won! Cue the party music, reserve the championship banner, get that parade started. It might have taken eleven weeks to reach their first win but the Snails did it in high style by knocking off a top team -- with four less games played no less, and Wally World in the lineup but injured. Everyone on the Snails roster rattled in at least three 3PT en route to 44 3PT on the week, and Steve Nash dropped 13.3 dimes per game in order to almost single-handedly win AST. Goooaaallllll!

In the duel of Canada versus Germany, Dirk Nowitski put up the gaudy all-around numbers (32.5 PTS, 8.5 REB, 1.5 3PT, 53.8 FG%) but in the end, it was the weak shooting of Marvin Williams (27.8 FG%) that did the Amoeba Goliath in. Zach Randolph's 1-12 shooting day on Sunday probably didn't help either, as he shot an uncustomarily poor 40.9% for the week.

5-4, Fat Jubas vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
We seem to say this every week but the Pogiboys are getting closer. This week, they lost by 5 REB; in past weeks, they've lost by close margins in other categories. Taking out a full strength Jubas team (well, Zaza went down) would have been a nice feather in MoRRie's cap. In the end, despite a poor shooting week, Al Jefferson managed to snag 13.7 REB in each of three games to power the Jubas to a win.

The Pogiboys were working short handed too, with team leader Chauncey Billups on the bench -- but in the lineup. His likely replacement, Channing Frye, would have gotten that REB win. That's how close it is each week. One decision can make or break you. Mount Mutombo did his damnest (15.75 REB, 2.5 BLK) to push the Pogiboys over the hill, but alas, it wasn't quite enough.

5-4, Squirtle Squad vs Chunky Monkeys
The Monkeys are hurting, or rather, the menagerie that is the Monkeys is hurting; Fellow Bucks Mo Williams and Charlie Villanueva are down, as is Hawk Josh Smith. Raptor Jorge Garbajosa might as well be extinct for the way he played (4.5 PTS, 2 REB). Only Bobcat Emeka Okafor managed to put up a career high 10 BLK in one game, but that all of that wasn't nearly enough to douse the fiery shooting of Squirtle Squad.

After a few weeks of off-kilter shooting, Ray Allen is en fuego again (36 PTS, 4.7 3PT) -- with a 54 point game on Friday night. Allen also had the support of Carlos Boozer (30 PTS, 11 REB, 2 STL avg) and as always, the Big Ticket, Kevin Garnett. There's some underperforming players at the end of this lineup -- David Lee and Damien Wilkins -- but who cares? The turtles are number one! Cowabunga!

And yes, I know the picture does not depict a Squirtle, it's a Wartortle, the evolved version. Next evolution is Blastoise, duh.

5-4, Rhythm Drive vs Funk Coalition
Reno's team takes over the mantle of the league's hottest team by edging out Jon in the waning moments of the week. With his win, Reno moves up to second place in the East; strangely, with his loss, Jon moves up to second place in the West. On Sunday, the game came down to Chris Bosh versus TJ Ford for PTS and TO. Bosh upchucked 6 TO but also scored 24 PTS, allowing Rhythm Drive to win PTS by 9.

Neither team had a great week but with Mike Miller's continued hot shooting (20 PTS, 2 3PT), Rhythm Drive had enough to knock off an inter-conference foe and establish themselves as a team to beat. The Funk probably shouldn't get too comfortable atop the standings, as Michael Redd is slated to miss 4-6 weeks.

8-1, Poobic Heirs vs Buffy
Ouch. Buffy is usually on the "kick" part of the "kick ass" equation; this week they were the "ass." What're you going to do though when you're the team hardest hit by injuries? The news gets worse for Buffy as breakout player Tony Allen tears an ACL going for a dunk. The return of JR Smith will hardly alleviate that pain. Also, everyone is wondering: what's up with Joe Johnson? What happened to the triple-double threat of earlier in the season? Oh well, at least the boy can still shoot -- (19 PTS, 3 REB/AST, 2.3 3PT).

The Heirs had an outstanding week with contributions from nearly everyone on the roster and it's hard to pinpoint anyone who had a spectacular week in such blow out. Oh wait, there's been a Samuel Dalembert sighting! Big Sam shot amazing, rebounded well, and swatted shots with aplomb (15 PTS, 12 REB, 3.5 BLK, 55.6 FG%, 83.3 FT%). If Sam keeps getting almost forty minutes a night, he might be able to keep up those numbers -- keep in mind though, Dalembert's done this before and faded fast.

7-2, Pooh Bears vs Phanatics
Making his own case for the team hardest hit by injuries, the Phanatics were on the receiving end of a beat down themselves. Paul Pierce and Lamar Odom are still not showing any signs of returning (although David West is practicing) and even worse, the rest of the team isn't picking up the slack. The only bright spot here? Mighty Earl Watson (36 AST over three games), but his minutes have reduced Phanatic teammate Luke Ridnour's effectiveness (7.7 PTS, 1.3 AST). It's a time share, and not a good one for the Phanatics. Hang on tight Ping, the cavalry's coming...eventually.

For the Pooh Bears, it's the Ruben Patterson show! With averages of 19.7 PTS, 6.3 REB, and 4.7 AST, Ruben is taking over as the number one everything for the injury ravaged Bucks. Actually, to be honest, it's the Ben Gordon show. Little Ben averaged 24 PTS and 4 3PT on 56.4 FG% this week and with numbers like that, he's proving to be the new-age Microwave. And he doesn't just shoot either with 3.5 REB/AST; fine, he mainly just shoots but man is he good at it.

Recap: Week 10

Inter-Conference Games
5-4, Squirtle Squad vs Fat Jubas
4-4, Chunky Monkeys vs Poobic Heirs
6-3, Buffy vs Pooh Bears
8-1, Human Amoebas vs Phanatics
5-4, Funk Coalition vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
5-4, Rhythm Drive vs Sour Snails

Conference Games
none
(statistics)

5-4, Squirtle Squad vs Fat Jubas
The two best teams in the league faced off and the Squirtles sent the Jubas to the mat with a well balanced week that featured outstanding shooting (50.0 FG%). The Squirtles were suffering from some shooting woes recently but are now back on track -- more accurately, Ray Allen is back on track (53.7 FG%, 27 PTS and 3.5 3PT) and that made all the difference.

The Jubas finally got a healthy Tracy McGrady in the lineup with a huge week -- 35.3 PTS, 7 REB, 4.3 AST, 2.7 3PT -- but an injury to Dwayne Wade left the Jubas at less than full strength. In fact, the Jubas were lucky to win even four categories, as they eeked out victories in PTS (590-575) and TO (67-70) by a hair. The re-match with a healthy Wade could be exciting, perhaps in the Finals?

4-4, Chunky Monkeys vs Poobic Heirs
What is going on? The Monkeys have more ties than losses. If this were chess, they'd be the grandmaster who asks for a draw after five moves -- every game. Just like last week, the Monkeys tied in the 3PT department with their opponent. In fact, the Monkeys did a pretty good job fighting back in the AST department (eventually winning by 10) as the week came to a close but the Yao-less Heirs stuck it out for a big tie (winning PTS by only 3).

For Oliver, Ricky Davis stepped up with 16.25 PTS, 4.5 REB, 5 AST and 2.25 3PT to support Kobe and Caron. The other good news is that sophmore phenom Monta Ellis is back, and he's ready to be re-inserted into the lineup. Evan himself has a Warrior in his starting lineup, sadly that Warrior is Keith McLeod. Who? Yeah, exactly. McLeod dropped 16 PTS and 3 AST/TO/3PT total, dooming the Monkeys to yet another tie. Actually, Jorge Garbajosa and his one game dud might have something to do with the tie. Let's not finger anybody out though, at least it's not a loss!

6-3, Buffy vs Pooh Bears
Make no mistake, Buffy may be hobbled with his entire bench down for the count, but they're still capable of beating any team in the league. Tony Allen is a monster during Paul Pierce's absence, doing a nice approximation of Ron Artest in his prime -- 21.25 PTS, 6 REB, 3.75 STL on 58.5 FG% and 82.6 FT%. Aside from that, the two Knicks, Jamal Crawford and Eddy Curry are kind of nice too. The Baron is still his fine self and even if Joe Johnson is suffering from some weird disease (he's turned into a pure scorer, without any all-around stats) Buffy is strong.

The Pooh Bears couldn't compete this week, but there are some good things happening in the point guard department. Mike Bibby found his stroke -- scoring 28.3 PTS on 51.8 FG% -- and Andre Miller isn't suffering from his trade back East -- 17.3 PTS and 8.7 AST per game. The rest of the team though -- especially AK47, Josh Childress, Ruben Patterson and Tayshaun Prince -- had a terrible scoring period. The Bears suffer from a let down after last week's big win. Walk it off, walk it off.

5-4, Rhythm Drive vs Sour Snails
Dammit, I thought the Snails got one there. But the site didn't update yet and Reno snuck in a few extra points on Sunday, taking the PTS category (427-406) and the win. I guess the Snails will keep waiting for that first victory. It hurts that a suddenly healthy Ron Artest and Wally Szczerbiak were on the bench while Jason Richardson stayed in the lineup while hurt. That could have been the win right there. Maybe next week.

These two teams are the ones who have the least Games Played on the season, the reason for that? Injuries, to be sure, but also a bit of mismanagement? We're not sure. Sam Spade will be looking into that one. One thing Sam won't need to look into is why Mike Miller is dropping a mind boggling 4 3PT a game; he's averaging more than ten attempts for his last eight games. That's a green light to chuck it from afar and Mike's not hesitating -- or missing (53.3 FG%). Mr Bosh is back too, and right back to his 20-10 numbers.

8-1, Human Amoebas vs Phanatics
The beatdown in Motown as the Amoeba engulfed the entire Phanatic team and spit them back out disheveled and confused. Ping's team couldn't do anything right, even losing the TO battle despite playing four fewer games. Who had a good week for the Phanatics? Um, Drew Gooden (18.75 PTS, 11 REB, 58.3 FG%)? But Drew isn't leading anybody to a championship anytime soon. It's just sit and wait until Odom and Pierce come back for the Phreaks I guess, it could be a long winter of discontent for the Phanatics fan(s).

It's not like the Amoebas had a great week, but the Big German blitzkrieged the Phanatics into quick submission with 29 PTS and 10.75 REB on 51.2% shooting. Heil Dirk! Despite a lot of swingmen and smaller players, the Amoeboid are really good at REB. Like, really good (ranked 2nd in the league, but barely off the lead). Dirk, Zach Randolph, Amare Stoudemire, Ben Wallace, and Jason Kidd can all clean the glass, which gives the Amoebas second chances galore.

5-4, Funk Coalition vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
Alvin had Jon on the ropes as the Pogiboys were edging the Funk on FT% but then horror of horrors, late turnovers cost them a crucial category. It's not often that Funk wins the TO battle but in this case, the Pogiboys three extra GP -- plus the (apparently fortuitous) early week injury to TJ Ford -- enabled the Funk to stumble into a victory. Who were the TO culprits that led to a loss? LA Clippers Elton Brand and Chris Kaman led the Pogiboys with 17 and 14 TO respectively. It hurts when your big men are fumbling the ball away -- the next closet TO guy? Alonzo Mourning with eight. Buy some stick'em guys.

Funk dropped in 53 3PT this week behind a career high for Matt Barnes (19.5 PTS, 6.25 REB, 2 STL, 1 BLK and 13 3PT). For the Pogiboys, the backcourt is in trouble, as Chauncey and Gerald Wallace are both hurt, and replacements Derek Fisher and Damon Jones aren't pulling their weight. Hey, least Stephon Marbury is back to his glory days -- scoring over 20 points and dropping 6 AST last week (not to mention 2.67 3PT a game).

Recap: Week 9

Inter-Conference Games
6-3, Human Amoebas vs Buffy
4-4, Pooh Bears vs Chunky Monkeys
5-4, Funk Coalition vs Squirtle Squad
5-4, Fat Jubas vs The Poobic Heirs

Conference Games
5-4, Rhythm Drive vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
6-3, Phanatics vs Sour Snails
(statistics)

6-3, Human Amoebas vs Buffy
This could have been the Game of the Week but injuries are starting to pile up for Buffy. A dominant team when healthy, Buffy has Rashard Lewis injured, Chris Paul injured, Joe Johnson was injured, and um, the never used Shaq is still injured. Oh right, JR Smith has been out too, but he's feeling perfectly healthy. All of these injuries have played havoc with Buffy's lineup and despite the possible emergence of Tony Allen (himself a beneficiary of Paul Pierce's injury) -- 18.5 PTS, 6.5 REB, 3 AST, 1.75 STL, 1.25 BLK -- the team is headed toward a rough start to the new year.

It's time to give some shine to Rip Hamilton, who dropped in 51 points in a game on Dec 27, pushing him to 31.25 PTS for the week. Rip's got ridiculous percentages and he's able to contribute a little bit in the rebounding, passing, and steals departments -- and a tiny bit behind the arc (0.6 per). Many write off Rip as a one (or two) trick pony but I've always liked him quite a bit. He's consistent, never injured, and a proven winner, as playing on the Amoebas has shown.

4-4, Pooh Bears vs Chunky Monkeys
Two ties in nine weeks for the Monkeys. Twenty percent of the time this team suits up and takes to the floor, they leave with no decision. But hey, they're sitting pretty at 5-2-2 and sport the third best record in the league (as well as the highest Points For, if that means anything). The two teams were knotted up in the 3PT department, 26 each, even if it took the Bears six more games to accomplish their tie.

How do the Bucks have so many damn fantasy contributors? Ruben Patterson averaged 17.5 PTS, 7 REB and 4 AST. Mo Williams himself had 19.5 PTS, almost 6 REB/AST, plus 2+ STL and 1.5 3PT after winning Eastern Conference Player of the Week. Redd, Mo, Bell, Villanueva, and Bogut are all good to great lineup options -- the Bucks are the fantasy Suns of the East!

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Squirtle Squad
The two most active teams on the waiver wire went head-to-head last week and fought a hard battle in AST, STL and TO. Ultimately, the Funk was able to squeak out a win, mostly due to the Squirtles uncharacteristic poor shooting from the field and from the line -- 39.9% from the field is way below average for our best shooting team (normally 49.1 FG%).

Last week, we said that the return of Ray Allen and Brandon Roy would power this team to victories but instead, their 35.3% and 41.3% field goal shooting (along with K Garnett's 37.9%) doomed the Squirtles to just their second loss of the season. Funk continues to win despite Carmelo's absence and it's mostly due to Earl Boykins picking up the scoring slack at 24.5 PTS and 2 3PT a game. With this win, Funk takes over the mantle as the hottest team in the league with three straight wins -- but they are still far off the six straight win streak the Squirtles had been riding.

5-4, Fat Jubas vs The Poobic Heirs
One team's loss is another team's gain. The Jubas become the top team in the league with a Squirtles loss and their win over a Yao-less (but in the lineup) Heirs team. The Jubas scored one more point than the Heirs -- 612 to 611. You don't think Yao's replacement wouldn't have scored more than one point? Don't be crazy. Kobe gave it his all (34 PTS avg) but he couldn't quite push the Heirs to a win without the services of Yao and Monta Ellis.

Of course, the Jubas made a lineup gaffe of their own as Tracy McGrady rode the pine despite four healthy games. So let's call this a matchup of two owners still sleeping after their Christmas feasts. One guy who has been awake and alert is Josh Howard, who averaged 21.5 PTS, 10.75 REB, 3.25 AST and 1 STL/BLK/3PT last week. Wake up to deez!

5-4, Rhythm Drive vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
D-d-d-danger, watch behind you -- there's a stranger out to find you! The Pogiboys have come so close to near upsets of division rivals in the past two weeks (last week it was the East leading Squirtles). They are destined for a victory soon and if not for missing two rebounds at the end of the week, they would have toppled the behemoth Rhythm Drive. It looks like Gerald Wallace is back (22.5 PTS, 7.25 REB, 2 STL/BLK for the week) so that's a huge sigh of relief for Alvin -- wait, what? He's hurt again?! Insert Mumra roar-screech!

So, who got those two winning rebounds for Reno? It sure as hell wasn't Chris Bosh, who was in the lineup but nowhere close to actually playing. Apparently even his ghostly presence on the court is enough to scare opposing big men away from the boards. Brad Miller averaged a paltry 4 REB this week, is he the white Eddy Curry? Just kidding, we love Brad -- he just blocks like a sissy. Luol Deng's not playing like a girl, as he's on the verge of taking his game to the next level -- 20.25 PTS, 8 REB, and 56.9 FG% last week.

6-3, Phanatics vs Sour Snails
In a battle of futility, someone's got to win right? The Phanatics handled their fellow cellar dweller Sour Snails by edging them in PTS (506-504) and STL (44-41). The Snails are being ravaged by inconsistent play and lineup appearances, with Ron Artest, Jason Richardson, Larry Hughes and Wally Szerbiak all coming on and off the bench. Nash and Iverson are trying to pick up the pace but they can only do so much.

The Phanatics aren't exactly the picture of perfection either, with four of their top guys sitting the pine due to injuries (Pierce, Odom, Camby, D West). But hey, a win's a win and they'll take one wherever they can find it. This week, Desmond Mason and Richard Jefferson (both over 50.0 FG% and 18 PTS per) supported Vince "Air New Jersey" Carter to pick up a much needed confidence booster for the Phanatics.

Recap: Week 8

Inter-Conference Games
5-4, Funk Coalition vs The Poobic Heirs
8-1, Fat Jubas vs Pooh Bears
8-1, Chunky Monkeys vs Human Amoebas
7-2, Rhythm Drive vs Phanatics

Conference Games
6-3, Buffy vs Sour Snails
5-4, Squirtle Squad vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
(statistics)

5-4, Funk Coalition vs The Poobic Heirs
Is there life after Melo? Apparently there might be as the Funk pulled off a convincing win against the Poobic Heirs -- ratcheting up 634 PTS and 49 3PT in the process. It was a team effort as Rafer Alston, Earl Boykins and TJ Ford took advantage of higher profile teammates' injuries to post good weeks. The big man on campus for Funk was Mehmet Okur, who put up averages of 22 PTS, 8.5 REB and 3 3PT for the week.

The Heirs drop to 4-4 and lose Yao for a few weeks, which could prove to be problematic. The rest of the team is just doing so-so and it looks like Kobe's going to have to step up his game to replace Ming's numbers. One player who is still as steady as ever for Oliver is Caron Butler, who sported an average of 27.6 PTS, 10 REB and 2.3 STL for the week. Damn, too bad he's not still a Laker eh?

8-1, Fat Jubas vs Pooh Bears
What happens when the first place team from one division meets the fourth place team from the other division? Beat down. The Bears got rocked and were left without any honey or any wits. The Bears almost won 3PT (lost by one) but aside from turnovers, they were apathetic, ineffective, and just ick. Point guard Mike Bibby hasn't been able to shoot all season long, AK47 is still misfiring a bit, and right after we called Andre Miller and Brevin Knight the most underrated passing duo in the league, Brevin gets knocked up and Miller gets traded. Oh right, Peja's out for a few weeks too. Pau Gasol, it's showtime!

The Jubas are actually suffering from some injury woes of their own as Tracy McGrady has been sidelined -- as usual. Without him, the roster is still very solid, but not having that second star alongside the indomitable Dwayne Wade hurts. Of course, AI2 could fill that void very quickly (23.6 PTS, 7 AST, 2.33 STL, 1.33 3PT). With an emerging Al Jefferson and the still solid play of Josh Howard, Tony Parker, and Jermaine O'Neal, this team is still the cream of the crop -- possibly in both divisions?

8-1, Chunky Monkeys vs Human Amoebas
Another beat down for the West. The Monkeys annihilate the Amoebas this week. Granted, the Amoebas were facing a six game GP disadvantage (Q Richardson got hurt) so let's just write this week off as what it was okay? A blip on the radar for Eric-A. Kids, Ben Wallace is back -- with 3 STL and 2.66 BLK this week -- sort of -- only 7.3 REB. The more timely question is to figure out if Starvin Marvin Williams is for real or not -- he's been scoring, but not much else. We'll find out soon enough as he's been getting 30+ minutes a night.

The Monkeys didn't have a stellar week but who cares, they finally won a football championship! With a keeper roster that has sported unbelievable stars each and every year (Peyton, LDT, Shaun, LJ, TO, etc), they'd never reached the mountain top before. They finally did it this year and they are elated. A dominating win in basketball is just the cherry on top. It's time for us to address the madness that is Mo Williams. 25.6 PTS, 8.7 REB, 6.7 AST and 1.7 3PT for the week, and that's not really too crazy for him. He's one of only four players to average 15 points and 5 reb/ast on the season. This guy is Jason Kidd with a shot! The other young point guard on this team, Shaun Livingston, might never get this good, ever -- despite much more hoopla.

7-2, Rhythm Drive vs Phanatics
Someone's got to defend the honor of the East this week and who better than the bruising Rhythm Drive? They edged out the Phanatics by 8 PTS but really, when you're cruising in a blow out, do the points really matter? Reno's squad is still minus Chris Bosh but Mike Miller stepped up this week in his absence and took over early (24.25 PTS, 8 REB, 4.75 AST and a mind numbing 19 3PT). The Drive will need Miller to keep it up as nobody else on this team is capable of scoring like he can.

We already know what ails the Phanatics: injuries. Add two more to the list. Paul Pierce out for two weeks, and Marcus Camby out for his annual trip to Club Med. While this could open the door for Nene, with Pierce, Camby, Odom, and D West on the bench, this team will be hard pressed to win anything in the upcoming weeks. The good news is, well, um, Vince Carter's still healthy? Injuries are starting to effect every team, but the Phanatics may be the hardest hit of all.

6-3, Buffy vs Sour Snails
Despite a four game win streak and a surging month, Buffy could be headed for some rough waters. Top 3PT shooter JR Smith is still gone for another week or two, but worse than that, MVP candidate Rashard Lewis is down for the count for up to two months. That's like a whole bucketful of 3PT -- along with tons of other stats from Lewis. Then again, it's not like Chris Paul, Baron Davis, Joe Johnson, and Antawn Jamison (plus the definitely for real Eddy Curry) are anything to sneeze at. Buffy should contine to fight for top dog status in the West while waiting for the return of JR Smith. And hey, Andre Miller could make Chris Webber valuable again -- long shot, but possible.

The Snails aren't in a good place, but we've been saying that all season. Although a quick resolution to the Iverson situation is great, nagging injuries to Ron Artest, Wally Szcerbiak, and Jason Richardson continue to wreak havoc on this team. Nothing's worse than not knowing when, or if, your top players will play. In a bid to renovate his team, Trieu has placed 80% of his roster on the trading block. C'mon guys, it's a fantasy auction!

5-4, Squirtle Squad vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
Facing off against the behemoth of the East, one loss Squirtle Squad, the Pogiboys weren't given much of a chance. But we all know that MoRRie loves the holidays and with Christmas cheer behind him, he put up quite the fight before losing by just a few free throws. Still, this team is (finally) looking up. And look at that, the Pogiboys resurgence -- can it be a "re-" if there was no surging in the first place? -- is being led by Stephon Marbury (15.75 PTS and 7.5 AST) who isn't the best point guard in the league anymore *cough*cough* but is starting to drop some dimes. The new year could see the Pogiboys pick up some steam -- and cookies, and candy canes, and fuzzy red hats. MoRRie says "Happy Holidays!"

This might be the closest Squirtle comes to a loss for quite awhile. They're back at full strength with Ray Allen and Brandon Roy back and should only continue to get better. The one season ending injury here, Nenad Krstic, could hardly make that much of an impact and unless KG or Boozer take a dive, the Squirtles could go undefeated the rest of the way? Wait, let's not jinx them yet, this early in the season. On a side note, David Lee averaged 16.5 REB this week, over four games. I can't believe I didn't stay with this guy. He's like Rodman without the hair, the tattoos, the muscles, the crazy, or the melatonin. Give him back!

Recap: Week 7

Inter-Conference Games
4-4, Fat Jubas vs Human Amoebas
5-4, Funk Coalition vs Pooh Bears

Conference Games
7-2, Chunky Monkeys vs Sour Snails
5-4, Buffy vs Phanatics
7-2, Poobic Heirs vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
7-2, Squirtle Squad vs Rhythm Drive
(statistics)

4-4, Fat Jubas vs Human Amoebas
The first "Battle of the Eric's" ends in, appropriately enough, a tie! As if providence wasn't looking over our league enough, this proves that higher powers are at work. With the Jubas narrowly edging out a high powered Amoeba team in PTS and STL, it looked like they would head toward a close victory but then that one last turnover left them all tied up. Penalty kicks anyone? Or do we settle this one with a wicked game of Magic? Hum...

The Jubas probably should have won this one in a walk except Jermaine O'Neal was on the bench and the injured Tracy McGrady started in his stead. The story of the week for Fat is the emergence of Al Jefferson (17.5 PTS, 11.25 REB, 2 BLK, 54.2 FG%), can he keep it up? The Amoebas have their own emerging star: Welcome back Marvin Williams! How does 17.25 PTS and 5.5 REB with a STL and BLK a game sound to you? Point guard Jason Kidd damn near averaged a triple-double this week on his way to leading this team to a tie.

5-4, Funk Coalition vs Pooh Bears
The Funk play a precarious game. Competitive in only a handful of categories, they ride a razor's edge and this week, they were lucky and used a late surge to take out Jose's PoohBears. They narrowly achieved victories in PTS, AST and 3PT. The real reason for their squeaker of a win: the high number of turnovers by the PoohBears. Everyone on this roster (outside of Tayshaun Prince) loves to turn over the ball -- averaging at least 2 TO a game this week. Andre Miller had 21 TOs himself (albeit with 33 assists).

After a rousing win over Rhythm Drive last week, the Bears barely lost this one in the closing seconds. Close but no cigar. The Coalition will be without the services of Carmelo for 15 games -- 34.75 PTS, 6.5 REB, 4.25 AST and 52.3 FG% this week -- and that could doom them to a month or so of losing. Having a top star go down (swinging or not) is going to doom any team; losing a top star on a team that barely wins as it is might equal upcoming blowouts.

7-2, Chunky Monkeys vs Sour Snails
Ouch, we all know the Snails are struggling but did you have to keep running up the score Evan? Sheesh. The Chunky Monkeys had the game locked up by the first quarter and just kept pouring it on, even attempting to score for the other team just to force overtime. Luckily, Trieu kept Artest on a short leash and decided not to engage in gentlemanly fisticuffs despite Isaiah-like motivation. If I were Evan, I'd keep an eye over my shoulder at all times...and stay out of the lane.

With a terrific 660 PTS, 237 REB, 54 STL, 44 BLK, 51.5 FG% and 44 3PT, the Monkeys might have achieved a week for the record books. Who ran the show? Of course there's the always spectacular Gilbert Arenas (37.3 PTS, 6 AST/REB, 3 STL, 4 3PT per) but the big news for the Monkeys is a sign of life from third round pick Josh Smith. He'll take 14.75 PTS, 8.75 REB, 4.75 AST, 2 STL, 3.75 BLK on 55.6 FG% any week of the month after fearing a semi-bust. The Monkeys are really rounding into shape mid-season and are looking like a terror.

The Snails are in a super slide and with Allen Iverson sitting, Jason Richardson ailing, and half the team on the trading block, look for some big moves here. We're still believers in this team, at least, we believe in a win coming before Week 12. That's my lock of the season, one win for the Snails before the All-Star Break. Book it. Outside of Steve Nash, this team is in total collapse -- no wonder AI wants out.

5-4, Buffy vs Phanatics
Roger's team has now won three straight and is looking to challenge for the divsion lead. Buffy actually had kind of an off week, nearly falling to an unbalanced Phanatics team that was without glue man Lamar Odom -- and Hedo Turkoglu. Ping's team put up quite a show, outshooting Roger (a very good 3PT team) from beyond the arc and winning that category by just 1 -- 46 to 45 3PT. Credit the outstanding fireworks to Paul Pierce and Vince Carter, who dropped in 16 and 17 3PT respectively.

Buffy was suffering from the loss of Joe Johnson, who was only able to contribute one game and a pedestrian one at that. However, Baron Davis, Rashard Lewis, and Chris Paul are still hot so we can't see this winning streak stopping soon. Despite a close loss this week, the Phanatics are in a bit of a pickle. They aren't the most diversified team and while they are definitely very talented, injuries are starting to take a toll (Odom, Hedo, David West, Drew Gooden). Plus, some of the players on this team aren't really helping the bottom line. Still, this team doesn't look too bad and with a few tweaks, they can put a stop to this four game skid.

7-2, Poobic Heirs vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
Oh wait, did we say that Evan had the best week ever? Maybe Oliver might have something to say about that. How's 734 PTS, 227 REB, 36 STL, 49 3PT, 50.3 FG%, and 83.8 FT% (and an eyebrow raising 111 TO)? Sure the Poobic Heirs would have lost to the Monkeys this week, 4 to 5, if they faced off but look at those numbers. 734 points! -- that's the area code for Ann Arbor btw, but us Michigan folk knew that.

Only one man can be responsible for that kind of dominance...Yao Ming! Just kidding. While Yao had an outstanding week (32.75 PTS, 12 REB, 3.25 BLK), it was Kobe Bryant who jacked up 154 PTS, with 15 3PT, in four games. Whew, this is the one-two scoring punch Oliver was looking for when Kobe dropped to him in the first round. Yao-za.

While the Pogiboys aren't quite winning games yet, at least they're showing some signs of life. A creature was stirring and it wasn't a mouse. Point guards Stephon Marbury (16.5 PTS, 4.5 AST) and Speedy Claxton (8 AST, 3 STL avg) are playing better so hope is on the horizon.

7-2, Squirtle Squad vs Rhythm Drive
Reno once ruled the roost but with two games sinking them to .500, they're on the verge of droppnig further in the rankings as Chris Bosh heads to the ranks of the injured. Replacing Bosh will be nigh-impossible since he's the only true scoring threat on this team; Adam Morrison doesn't count, he's too streaky. More importantly, Bosh anchored the team with his fine percentages and his contributions to REB and BLK are necessary for Rhythm Drive to compete. With AST, STL, and 3PT already ranking at the bottom of the league, Reno may want to consider moving his smalls and going even bigger. For now though, with the personification of the Raptor's logo out indefinitely, Reno could be in for some tough times.

You know who is king of the castle nowadays? It's Squirtle Squad, helmed by the legendary fantasy owner Brian. He's proving that his reputation for sports acumen and success is well deserved as he muscles his way to the best record in the league on the strength of five straight wins. How good are they? Near the tail end of the week, I thought they would take out Reno in a complete sweep of the categories. Despite playing four more games than Rhythm Drive, the Squirtles only lost TO by 4 and with two more 3PT, they would have won that category too. Epic, a potential 9-0 win.

The only area of concern here? Ray Allen's health, but it looks like he's returning sooner than expected. And watch out, Brandon Roy is returning too. Plus, Boris Diaw is starting to heat up (14.75 PTS, 8.25 REB, 6 AST, 1 STL/BLK/3PT on great percentages). Can the rich get any richer? Apparently the answer is "yes."

What I'd like to know is if Brian is able to extend his fantasy football championship streak alive this year, someone keep me updated!