Western Powers

Chunky Monkeys (3-0)
It hasn't been easy but Evan's Monkeys prove that they deserved to be in the Finals last year, despite suffering through a series with half of their top players missing. So far however, they've proven to be the cream of the Western Conference. Led by a healthy Joe Johnson, who is leading the charge with 23 PTS, 4 REB, 6 AST and 2 3PT per game. Jason Terry is also pushing for Sixth Man of the Year and he's been shotting an astonishing 54.9 FG% on his way to 20 PTS and 3.7 3PT a game. Oh wait, Manu Ginobili might take the Sixth Man Award this year, as he's going nutty with 20 PTS, 5 AST/REB and 2 STL/3PT a game.

With a such a solid backcourt, it hasn't hurt the Monkeys to have Gilbert Arenas suffereing from 38.7 FG% and only 22 PTS. Let's not forget about Josh Smith here either, as he's going out and producing 19 PTS, 7 REB, 2.4 STL, and 3.6 BLK a night. Wowza! This team is proving to be balanced and overall, much stronger than last year's excellent contending version.

Buffy (2-1)
Despite the loss of Elton Brand in pre-season, Buffy is still holding on to second place in the early going. With eight players averaging 15 points or more per game, this is a high scoring bunch. Baron Davis is contributing 9 AST and 1.5 STL/3PT a night, Stephon Marbury and Jamal Crawford combine for 32 PTS , 11 AST, 2.5 STL/3PT a game. Antawn Jamison is still nearly a 20-10 player (with 2.3 3PT to boot) and Rashard Lewis is popping 3PTs (3 a game) like nobody's business. Add in Tim Duncan and it's safe to say that losing Elton Brand, while slowing down Buffy, hasn't hobbled them in the least.

Fat Jubas (2-1)
The kings of the West last season, the Jubas were riding high before they got blasted by a rising Monkeys team this past week. Still, they are barely getting the full services of Dwayne Wade back -- despite losing Tracy McGrady for a few games -- so the Jubas should easily be in contention this season. They still have Tony Parker (18 PTS, 6 AST), Andre Igoudala (18 PTS, 6.7 REB, 5 AST, 1.9 STL), Josh Howard (23 PTS, 6 REB), Corey Maggette (20 PTS, 7.5 REB), Leandro Barbosa (20 PTS, 1.7 STL, 2.8 3PT), Al Jefferson (19.5 PTS, 11 REB), and LaMarcus Aldridge (19.5 PTS, 8 REB). Oh, did we already mention Wade and McGrady? Even rookie Yi Jianlian is showing signs of fantasy significance with 1.8 BLKs a game and some improving numbers. The only disappointment so far this season is Jermaine O'Neal's 13 PTs, 7.6 REB, and only 1.6 BLK per game.

Funk Coalition (0-3)
As always, the Funk have more point guards than you can shake a stick at. Raymond Felton, Jameer Nelson, Rafer Alston, Randy Foye, Kyle Lowry, Acie Law, and Sebastian Telfair. The problem is, all of these players have taken a step back -- excepting Jameer Nelson (13.8 PTS, 6.5 AST, 1.2 STL). AST and STL isn't the problem here, PTS and roster depth is. Lebron James is still a monster (29 PTS, 8 REB/AST, 1.8 STL) and Carmelo Anthony and Michael Redd are scoring machines -- albeit slightly less this year, combining for only 38 PTS per game but the end of this roster is ugly. The Big Three and the seven point guards might not be enough this year, so maybe a change is in order?

Sour Snails (0-3)
Hey, at least the Snails aren't in last! They haven't won yet but they've scored more categories than the Phanatics so are out of last place for the first time in their history! Schedule a parade! The Snails are actually looking pretty good. Holdovers Steve Nash and Iverson are combining for 45 PTS, 18 AST, 3 STL, 3.5 3PT a game. While Steven Jackson and Ron Artest are just starting to get into the swing of things and Jason Richardson has been struggling (41.7 FG%, 18 PTS, 2.5 3PT), there's signs of life here with new additions Kelenna Azubuike (17 PTS, 5.5 REB, 1.8 3PT), Damien Wilkins (16.6 PTS, 5.6 REB, 1.6 3PT), and of course, rookie Kevin Durant (37.4 FG%, 19 PTS, 1.3 STL/3PT), who's turning out to be a scoring machine. Hedo Turkoglu has been a nice surprise with 17 PTS, 6 REB, 4 AST, 1.2 STL and 1.8 3PT. Who is this guy?! How the pieces mesh together will be crucial for this team since they should have the players to become respectable at least.

Phanatics (0-3)
An ultra-talented team on paper continues to collapse under the weight of injuries and general mismanagement. Paul Pierce and Richard Jefferson are back to their old selves. David West (19 PTS, 7 REB, 1 STL/BLK), Drew Gooden (14 PTS, 10 REB), Al Harrington (20 PTS, 2.4 3PT), Lamar Odom (14.8 PTS, 8.8 REB), and Marcus Camby (13.5 REB, 1.4 STL, 3.3 BLK) are doing as expected and the roster is stacked top to bottom. What's the problem? Well, for one, Vince Carter has missed five games already and even when he was plaig, he was timid and put up only 17 PTS with 0.5 3PT. The piont guard situation on this team is atrocious. Luke Ridnour is injured, Ear Watson is well, Earl Watson, and Marcus Williams and Mike Conley is injured. This team has the talent to go far but they need a direction and a purpose.

Eastern Bloc

The Poobic Heirs (2-0)
The defending champions are asserting their regular season dominance already. With two wins and 14 categories won, they're clearly the cream of the crop in the early going. Kobe Bryant is averaging 30-7-5 and almost two STLs a game. Yao Ming has been dominating with 24-10 and 2.7 BLKs. Additional firepower has been coming in the form of Kevin Martin (28 PTS, 1.5 3PT). Rasheed Wallace has been impressive with 15-7 and more importantly, 1.5 BLK and STL. With Ricky Davis, Udonis Haslem, Devin Harris and Monta Ellis all contributing, the Heirs are looking very solid. The only guy underperforming is point guard Kirk Hinrich, who has been averaging only 9 PTS, 5.7 AST, and half a 3PT a game.

Squirtle Squad (2-0)
Last year's dominant regular season team, the Squirtles have also jumped out to a 2-0 record. Kevin Garnett hasn't lost a step in Boston and he and Boozer are putting up a combined 48 PTS, 28 REB, 9 AST and 3 STL and 2 BLK a game. Last year's rookie of the year, Brandon Roy has clearly stepped up his game by averaging 20 PTS, 6 AST, and chipping with just over one 3PT a game. Of course, Ray Allen is killing from beyond the arc with 3.5 3PT a game and also a healthy 23 PTS average. Plug in the further emergence of Deron Williams (21 PTS, 10 AST, 1.7 3PT) and this team's core is as strong as ever. If young contributers like Ronnie Brewer, David Lee, Martell Webster, and Andres Nocioni can continue to perform the Squad might not lose for a long time.

Jedi Knights (1-1)
New owner Superlum has wasted no introducing their team to the league. While the team is hardly firing on all cylinders, they have managed to put up 13 points scored, which is just a hair behind the Poobic Heirs. Big men and draft mates Dwight Howard and Emeka Okafor are averaging 34 PTS, 28 REB, and 2 BLK a game. While Chris Bosh has been slow to get going (16 PTS, 6.7 REB, 1.6 BLK), he will soon return to double double status. Filling in the stat sheet for him has been old man Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who's been dumping 17.6 PTS and 13 REB a game. Actually, of biggest concern is the ice cold start by Luol Deng, who is putting up just 14 PTS and 5 REB a game. C'mon Luol! The Jedi will have to find some help in the backcourt though, as Sam Cassell, Steve Francis, Nate Robinson, and Mike Miller have been shooting like they're aiming to miss.

100AcreWoodPoohBears (1-1)
With the most intriguing roster in the league, the Pooh Bears have been always swimming right on the cusp of respectability. The problem is, they don't have enough standout stars. Shawn Marion is certainly a fantasy god (16.4 PTS, 12.9 REB, 2.7 STL, 1 BLK/3PT) but beyond that, it's been a slow start overall. Peja Stojakovic is healthy but streaky (3.1 3PT). Pau Gasol isn't near his normal 20-10 numbers (16-6) and Andre Miller is only putting up 4.7 AST a game (along with 13.8 PTS and 5 REB). Andrei Kirilenko (10.9 PT, 7.1 REB, 6.4 AST, 1.6 STL, 2.1 BLK) has stepped up his all around game though, which is a huge relief for Pooh Bears' management. Ben Gordon, Josh Childress, and Tayshaun Prince need to kick it up a notch. The injury to Mike Bibby is clearly hurting this team. A big bright spot has been the play of forward Chris Wilcox, who's contributing 16 PTS and 9 REB a night.

Human Amoebas (1-1)
Without Amare Stoudemire, the Amoebas lose much of their pizzaz. With only 13 PTS and 5 REB a game (with 1.3 STL/BLK), Amare has been bothered by knee problems this season. Marvin Williams is showing the promise of a #2 overall pick with 17.5 PTS and 6.2 REB but center Ben Wallace has been horrific -- shooting 32.1 FG%, 4.8 REB, and just 1.2 BLK a game. Jason Kidd is flirting with a triple double average (9.5-8.0-10.5) but Jarrett Jack has virtually fallen off the planet. Boobie Gibson has been a stellar pickup aas he continues to drain 2.7 3PT a game on his way to 12.4 PTS and 1.4 STL. Dirk and Zach are doing about as expected (40 PTS, 22 REB, 6 AST combined) but it's clear that Dirk's days as a STL/BLK/3PT machine are over. The only veteran really tearing it up? Rip Hamilton, who is putting up an astounding 6.5 AST to go with 20 PTS and 4.5 REB.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (0-2)
New season, same problems. With two losses to start the season, Alvin's squad isn't exactly off to a terrific start. To be fair, they've faced two Western Conference powerhouses in the process so maybe it's just unfortunate scheduling. The team itself is showing lots of promise. Point guards Chris Paul (18 PTS, 11 AST, 2.9 STL) and Chauncey Billups (17.5 PTS, 6.7 AST, 1.8 STL, 2.2 3PT) are clearly the heart and soul of the team. Rudy Gay, Chris Kaman, and Tyrus Thomas have stepped up this season. Kaman especially is doing an excellent Elton Brand impersonation with 18.8 PTS, 13.5 REB, 1.8 BLK. The additions of John Salmons (20-4-4, 1.8 STL) and rookie Al Horford (8.5 PTS, 10 REB, 1.3 STL/BLK) fill out the roster at the forward spots. The big question is when young big men Darko Milicic, Channing Frye, and Andrew Bynum will step up and contribute. How's Crash Wallace doing by the way? Not too hot, shooting 39.3 FG%, with only 0.3 BLK and 15.8 PTS. The two STLs a game are nice but G Wallace is off to another super slow start, just like the Pogis.

Think Big!

With a highly anticipated kickoff to the 2007-2008 season, SlamNation endured quite the exciting summer. For one, how about defending champion Poobic Heirs having their best player, Kobe Bryant, demand to be traded? Perhaps he’s unhappy sharing the limelight with yet another dominant big man, Yao Ming. Kobe is an all world player but his selfishness is uncharted and unparalleled. Will he sit out the season and force a trade? Let’s hope so.

A few other big trades shook the off-season, none bigger than Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen joining forces with The Truth in Boston. Can Garnett and Ray-Ray still put up their stellar numbers? Heck, can Zach Randolph co-exist with Eddy Curry anywhere except the buffet table? The biggest impact from the off-season may have been an injury to Elton Brand. Roger’s Buffy team is deep but losing the equivalent of their first round pick for most of the year could really hurt. With that setting the stage for our new season, let’s take a look at off-season changes and additions for each team.

(1) Sour Snails
It wasn’t easy but somehow Trieu’s embattled team took the Toilet Bowl Championship and earned the right to draft first. As it turned out, this was the only no-brainer pick of the supplemental draft. Adding the ultra-talented Kevin Durant will surely lead the Snails to bigger and better days. To be honest though, the draft day move with the biggest impact for the Snails might have been Jason Richardson’s trade to Charlotte. He’ll become the offensive cornerstone and could easily set career marks in many categories.

Wally Szerbiak, Mark Blount, Jason Kapono, Ime Udoka, and Ryan Gomes also changed teams this summer but their fantasy values should stay about the same. Adding Juan Carlos Navarro, “La Bomba,” could give the Snails yet another shooter to compete with this season. Hopes are high for a stellar year.

(2) MoRRie’s Pogiboys
Turns out losing out on the number one pick had huge repercussions for the Pogiboys. Instead of being able to draft Durant or Greg Oden, Alvin was forced to go another direction after Oden’s season ending knee surgery. Ouch. The good news is that rookie Al Horford has a big butt and will likely start at power forward for the Hawks. If he can produce a good number of REB and a BLK or two, Alvin will be satisfied.

Not a lot more changes affected Alvin’s roster, unless you count Chucky Atkins, Steve Blake, and Darko Milicic moving teams big news. Growth for this team will have to come from Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, Darko Milicic, Tyrus Thomas, and Andrew Bynum learning fast. Second round pick Derek Fisher should provide plenty of 3PTs but probably not much else. Point guard is a strength with the C+C Assist Factory, Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups.

(3) Phanatics
Nobody knows where on Earth Ping is but his team is geared up and ready to play this season. Paul Pierce may have added two Hall of Famers on his team over the summer but he’ll still get his. Vince Carter re-upped with the Nets, and more importantly, Jason Kidd. This team is deep all the way down to the core. Lamar Odom, Richard Jefferson, David West, Marcus Camby, and Al Harrington all have significant fantasy value.

There is a lack of serviceable point guards on the roster so Ping’s hoping first round pick Mike Conley will be able to contribute soon. If Travis Outlaw can get more playing time in Portland, he should be able to average 1.5 STL/BLK per game and help the Phanatics round out their strong PTS/REB/3PT game.

(4) 100AcrePoohBears
Despite entering the Toilet Bowl as the best (worst) team, the Pooh Bears were dispatched quickly and even lost the consolation game to the Phanatics. That meant they would have to settle for the fourth pick in the draft. Drafting rookies Jeff Green and Rodney Stuckey might be more useful next year than this year. Green has a chance at lots of playing time but all scouting reports indicate that he’ll be Shane Battier-lite, and maybe not this year. Two of J’s top players went through a summer of discontent, as Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko adamantly wanted out of their current situations. In the end, both will stay with their NBA teams and play out the season. Currently, Anderson Varejao isn’t even signed and is holding out. Point guard Mike Bibby is injured and out for up to ten weeks so the Pooh Bears may be in for some tough times in the backcourt unless Brevin Knight can take over point guard duties in Clipperland.

(5) Human Amoebas
Unsure of how his fully stacked team didn’t win the whole enchilada last year, Eric-A has redoubled his efforts and promises to make at least one roster move this season. Last year, Eric-A didn’t have one waiver move or trade on his way to an 11-9-1 season. With no big changes from the off-season, Eric-A can look forward to the growth from Andrea Bargnani and Marvin Williams.

Supplemental draft picks Luis Scola and Spencer Hawes are both big men who should be able to contribute down the line. Scola is a bulldog and will get lots of REB next to Yao. Hawes is more of a project and will likely learn from Brad Miller this year. The key to the team will be simply filling out the middle of the roster as Dirk, Amare, and Kidd cover all the basics. Can Raja Bell, Quentin Richardson, and Jarrett Jacks continue to produce?

(6) Funk Coalition
With a roster full of point guards, Jon surprised no one by drafting two more, rookie Acie Earl IV and sophmore Kyle Lowry. Both will be involved in time shares but could provide the essential AST and STL needed to power the Funk engine. With Rafer Alston and Smush Parker now solidly stuck in a double (or triple) point guard situation, Jon will need his young guys to step up quick. The biggest question may be how many minutes Randy Foye will receive in Minnesota and what kind of stats he can put up. Aside from that, it's more of the same from a thin squad beyond Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, and Michael Redd. Here's hoping Jameer Nelson, Raymond Felton, and even TJ Ford step it up another notch.

(7) Jedi Knights
With DJ Reno stepping down due to personal reasons, we welcome his replacement owner, the ultra-competitive and knowledgeable Superlum! With a roster that leans toward huge (C Bosh, D Howard, E Okafor, B Miller, Z Ilgauskas), Chris wasted no time adding to his strengths by drafting Al Thornton, who should get plenty of time with Elton Brand out for a significant stretch of time. Looking to open up the floor with some shooting, Lum also drafted Morris Peterson, who should have plenty of chances to fire it up on New Orleans. Indications are that Nate Robinson could be in for a big year so as long as Luol Deng and Mike Miller continue their success from last season, Chris' team will be in good shape.

(8) Buffy
There's no way around it, the loss of Elton Brand hurts. Having traded away Chris Paul for Elton late last season, Buffy won't have much to show for the exchange until after the All Star break. Then again, Stephon Marbury isn't a bad point guard himself so there's a chance Roger's team will remain competitive throughout the season even without Brand. Drafting Kenyon Martin could prove to be a savvy move and if he and the team's other draft pick, multi-talented rookie Corey Brewer can step in, this team will still challenge for the deepest in the league. Rashard Lewis moved to Orlando and will probably set career highs in PTS and 3PT alongside Dwight Howard. The key will be if Baron Davis can stay healthy, as always.

(9) Squirtle Squad
The regular season Eastern Conference champion hasn't changed much over the off-season. Ray Allen may lose some numbers by being in Beantown but Kevin Garnett and Carlos Boozer form one of the best frontcourts in the league. Point guard Deron Williams is a full fledged fantasy star and Brandon Roy will emerge as one also (if he can ever stay healthy). The big question is if Boris Diaw will contribute anything this season with Kurt Thomas' departure from the Valley of the Sun.

By drafting Ronnie Brewer and Martell Webster, Brian is hoping that he can get some additional shooting to shore up his lineup. The sleeper here is Jason Maxiell, who scouts say could be ready for a big role in Detroit. The return of Nenad Krstic will help this team too and there's no reason why the Squirtles won't be a formidable opponent this year.

(10) Fat Jubas
Here's the regular season champion (16-4-1 record) back for another shot at glory after underachieving in the post-season. Last year, the Jubas were derailed by injuries to Dwayne Wade, Jermaine O'Neal, and Tracy McGrady. This time around, Wade's still hurt but the talent level has probably increased. Power forward Al Jefferson is now the man in Minnesota. Lamarcus Aldridge will become a scary fantasy force. The addition of the mysterious Yi Jianlian could pay big dividends later this season. Burly sophmore Rashad McCants might emerge as a sleeper also. All in all, with Wade, McGrady, J O'Neal, A Igoudala, T Parker, J Howard, L Barbosa, and Corey Maggette in a featured role, Eric-L's team will still be the favorite to win the West.

(11) Chunky Monkeys
The Monkeys made the Finals last year but had a backcourt that included the likes of Mardy Collins and Allan Ray. Not good. Suffering from significant injuries all around even as they pushed to the last week of the season, the Monkeys are looking to stay healthy this year in order to put up a real fight on their way to a championship.

With Gilbert Arenas, Joe Johnson, and Josh Smith anchoring a nicely balanced team, Evan is hoping that young guys like Danny Granger, Rajon Rondo, Andrei Biedrins, draft picks Marco Belinelli and Craig Smith can step up to the plate and hit their some fantasy home runs. Last year's revelation was guard Mo Williams and he'll probably put up similar numbers as he re-upped with the Bucks.

(12) Poobic Heirs
What do you add to a championship team? How about the number one pick in this year's NBA draft? Okay, okay, Greg Oden won't be available all of 2007-2008 but next year, he could turn out to be a tremendous value selection for Oliver. If any team can have the patience to wait on Mr.Oden, it's this one. With good players all the way to the bottom of the roster, the Heirs passed up on their second round supplemental pick as they elected to hold onto everyone from last year's team, save Jeff Foster.

It's hard not to argue with a starting lineup that features an underrated Kirk Hinrich, all world Kobe Bryant, monster thief Caron Butler, mercurial Rasheed Wallace, and Yao Ming. With a second five that consists of Ricky Davis, Andrew Bogut, Kevin Martin, Monta Ellis, and Shane Battier, Oliver's team should be stacked once again. After spurting through the playoffs despite a barely over 0.500 record, nobody will take the Poobic Heirs lightly again.

2007 Championships

6-3, The Poobic Heirs vs Chunky Monkeys
While I wouldn't go so far as the say that our Finals were anti-climatic, it's no stretch to say that the odds were against a big upset. We already covered the numerous injuries to both teams and the bad luck that befell every conference finalist. Our playoffs turned into a battle of the best man standing.

The Monkeys stumbled into the Finals, the Heirs were the dark horse from mid-season on. It came down to who had the biggest star. Who could take their team on his back and win a championship? In the end, the Heirs took it all -- with Kobe leading the way. Ricky Davis and Yao Ming played a big part in the victory but to be honest, this game was over before it began.

The Monkey's best player? Um, Danny Granger? Nate Robinson? Mardy Collins (who is this guy)? Rajon Rondo or Mo Williams? Yeah, Ricky D by himself is probably better than any of these guys. Distraught over his embarassing loss, GM Evan lashed out at his staff and fired his trainer, his assistant secretary, and Cintas, his uniform people. Asked about his plans for next year, Evan responded with "Basketball? What's that? I'm out to defend my fantasy football title. Peyton, LT, LJ, TO, AJohnson; keeper team, what!?"

In the adjoining locker room, Oliver's Poobic Heirs were celebrating, pouring champagne, using Nair, and generally getting rowdy. When the team owner was asked about his thoughts on an epic season, what did he say? Well, there was no response. Oliver was passed out from his Zima-lite and decided to take a little nappy. Instead, Vanessa Bryant stepped to the podium and announced that she would be leaving Kobe and the Heirs for greener pastures. And that she wanted the championship ring as a severance package too. Size five for Vanessa please.

Yao Ming, when asked about his plans for the future, now that he was rid of Tracy McGrady and one up on NBA championships over Wang Zhi-Zhi and Mengke Bateer, responded with: "Wo ai ni. Wo hen ugh." The Big Talker he isn't yet.

So, after many months and an entertaining, and educational season, our champion? From the Eastern Conference, hailing from the wilds of Michigan, Oliver and his Poobic Heirs!

SlamNation Finals 2007

Chunky Monkeys vs Poobic Heirs
It's not a joyous day for the Monkeys. Despite reaching the Finals and having a chance to capture a football and basketball championship in the same year, they'll need a miracle -- a literal miracle -- to win. Check out their bench: Gilbert Arenas, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Tyson Chandler, and Charlie Villanueva. That's the top three players for the Monkeys riding the pine -- to to mention their REB and BLK anchor.

What's left? Um, the Knicks and Celtics backcourt (Nate Robinson/Mardy Collins and Rajon Rondo/Allan Ray respectively) along with Manu Ginobili, Jason Terry, and Mo Williams. The front line? Mehmet Okur, Andris Biedrins, and Danny Granger. Remember when the Knicks blitzed to the Finals without Patrick Ewing that year? Well, this is the 2007 Monkeys. They're at the big show but so hobbled that they might as well just get drunk every night and forget the actual games.

The Poobic Heirs aren't supremely healthy themselves, but they can withstand the loss of Caron Butler and Andrew Bogut just fine. They still have Kobe and Yao (dinged up), and the rest of their team isn't exactly trash time scrubs. Kirk Hinrich, Ricky Davis, Kevin Martin, and Monta Ellis are an All-Legends team compared to what Evan is fielding. Samuel Dalembert, Rasheed Wallace, and Antonio McDyess are good enough to cancel anything Okur, Biedrins, and Granger can throw up. Plus, this team fields the ultimate glue guy, Shane Battier, as tenth man. Are the Heirs destined for a championship? Sure looks like it to this prognosticator. If not, this would be the greatest upset since Douglas-Tyson.

But hey, that's why they play the game right? Even if it's definitely a low-wattage event.

Note: Championship Week ends Sunday night even though the schedule is set up until after that.