Bill Russell has eleven, Mike Jordan has six (as does Robert Horry), Magic and Rodman each earned five, Shaq has four, Larry's won three, and even little Stevie Kerr has five. Dwayne got his last year, Lebron's still looking, and Stockton, Malone, Barkley and a whole slew of other superstars will never get one.
So the question is: How many rings do you want?
I've personally been lusting after a fantasy championship ring since Josten's started producing football ones a few years ago. Sadly, both of my fantasy championships (one each in football and basketball) came pre-ring era. Now that we present each winner with a ring, I can't win a damn thing. My keeper football team is in shambles, our old basketball league fell apart...
But it's the dawn of a new day. Josten's has finally released fantasy basketball rings (along with baseball and hockey versions) and I've already got my fingers sized up. In fact, I've already figured out which finger(s) will be decorated first. I'd like to get one hand full of football rings and the other full of basketball rings.
I'm gonna look pretty stupid at forty years old wearing my fantasy bling, but hey, I'll have earned it and I'm gonna show off my hardware with pride -- forever.
The hunt for our inaugural championship ring starts today, get geeked.
First Question Is...
"Jon, CA: We just started a league where we don't use any positions, what do you think the ramifications of doing this will be? And would you say that's a good or bad idea? 10 starters, 5 bench, 9 category H2H, with no positions......Damn, if I had known he was going to answer (never mind as the first question), I would have asked something more exciting. Like, "With Red Auerbach's passing, would it be okay to pull a 'Red' and draft Joakim Noah this year for my keeper league? Only to honor Auerbach's memory and general managering savvy of course."
Keith Lipscomb: As long as everyone's playing by the same rules, I don't see any problems with any quirks, really. Sure, some teams will load up on a category or two, but they will likely be deficient in an area as well. It should be interesting to see how that plays out."
-espn, chat wrap, 10/30-
Monday, October 30, 2006
5:08 PM
Spotlight: Week 1
Here we'll take a quick glance at a few games of interest for the upcoming week.
Sour Snails vs 100AcreWoodPoohBears
A look at our most polarized team, the Sour Snails, versus our pre-season top ranked, and highly versatile, 100AcreWoodPoohBears. The Snails will be starting the seaon with Nash and Iverson leading a group of guards into the fray. The big question is if Jason Richardson will be ready to play. If not, Fred Jones (or another young Snail) might need to come in and pick up the slack.
The Pooh Bears are without the services of Mike Bibby and Pau Gasol, but their lineup still boasts AK47, the Matrix, Peja Stojakovic and Ben Gordon. It should be easy enough for Jose to win REB, BLK, and FG% but he's giving up the edge in PTS, 3PT, and FT% right off the bat.
The two teams will be fighting over AST and STL, with TO in doubt too. The Pooh Bears don't have any bench players capable of adding additional AST, STL and TO, so they'll have to ride this one out and hope for the victory. The Snails need to take two out of the three in order to win; maybe adding in a Rudy Gay or Rajon Rondo instead of Wally World might be a good move since they are dominant in PTS and 3PT already.
Buffy vs Squirtle Squad
Roger and Brian are in for a heated matchup this week, with quite a few categories up for grabs. Roger should take PTS and STL handily, while losing FT% and the TO battle to Brian. Aside from those four categories, AST, REB, 3PT, FG% and to a lesser extent, BLK will be up in the air. With a healthy Shaq and Tyson Chandler in the lineup, Buffy should be able to take BLK since Squirtle only has KG putting up any interior resistance (unless Alonzo gets in there).
The AST, 3PT and FG% will be particularly close so even one game could make the difference. Chris Paul, Joe Johnson, and Baron Davis better be ready to compete with Ray Allen, Boris Diaw and KG. It might behoove Brian to sub in another PG or two, just to secure those AST and 3PT numbers -- with Boykins, Watson, and Tinsley on the bench. But it's hard to decide to mess with success the first week, and not play your top ten players. Roger's bench is decidely unproven, so his substitution decisions won't be nearly as hard.
Good luck gentlemen.
Sour Snails vs 100AcreWoodPoohBears
A look at our most polarized team, the Sour Snails, versus our pre-season top ranked, and highly versatile, 100AcreWoodPoohBears. The Snails will be starting the seaon with Nash and Iverson leading a group of guards into the fray. The big question is if Jason Richardson will be ready to play. If not, Fred Jones (or another young Snail) might need to come in and pick up the slack.
The Pooh Bears are without the services of Mike Bibby and Pau Gasol, but their lineup still boasts AK47, the Matrix, Peja Stojakovic and Ben Gordon. It should be easy enough for Jose to win REB, BLK, and FG% but he's giving up the edge in PTS, 3PT, and FT% right off the bat.
The two teams will be fighting over AST and STL, with TO in doubt too. The Pooh Bears don't have any bench players capable of adding additional AST, STL and TO, so they'll have to ride this one out and hope for the victory. The Snails need to take two out of the three in order to win; maybe adding in a Rudy Gay or Rajon Rondo instead of Wally World might be a good move since they are dominant in PTS and 3PT already.
Buffy vs Squirtle Squad
Roger and Brian are in for a heated matchup this week, with quite a few categories up for grabs. Roger should take PTS and STL handily, while losing FT% and the TO battle to Brian. Aside from those four categories, AST, REB, 3PT, FG% and to a lesser extent, BLK will be up in the air. With a healthy Shaq and Tyson Chandler in the lineup, Buffy should be able to take BLK since Squirtle only has KG putting up any interior resistance (unless Alonzo gets in there).
The AST, 3PT and FG% will be particularly close so even one game could make the difference. Chris Paul, Joe Johnson, and Baron Davis better be ready to compete with Ray Allen, Boris Diaw and KG. It might behoove Brian to sub in another PG or two, just to secure those AST and 3PT numbers -- with Boykins, Watson, and Tinsley on the bench. But it's hard to decide to mess with success the first week, and not play your top ten players. Roger's bench is decidely unproven, so his substitution decisions won't be nearly as hard.
Good luck gentlemen.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
1:24 PM
Mr. Irrelevant
With the last pick of the 2006 SlamNation draft, GM Reno took rookie Lakers' point guard Jordan Farmar. Mr Farmar was very excited about his new role as cheerleader-slash-fifteenth man on Rhythm Drive. After starring on a perennially underachieving UCLA team, Farmar stated that he was just happy to make it to the "big leagues." He's hoping that Steve Francis will take him under his wing and teach him how to get traded twice in a career. In fact, once team owner Reno was reached for comment, he seemed confused and said "Jordan Farmar? I wanted Michael Jordan! Who is this guy? Trade him immediately!"
Despite not having the full support of his team (or teammates), Farmar is dedicated to signing a few endorsement deals before he gets cut. As the new "Mr Irrelevant," he hopes to spin his five minutes of fame into a book deal, an inspirational song, and a Saturday Night Live hosting gig. "I'll be looking forward to expanding my career. I'm open to taking any advice that talent scouts -- or coaches -- throw my way."
From the looks of his signing party, Farmar seems to be quite capable of listening intently. Look at the size of those ears...
Despite not having the full support of his team (or teammates), Farmar is dedicated to signing a few endorsement deals before he gets cut. As the new "Mr Irrelevant," he hopes to spin his five minutes of fame into a book deal, an inspirational song, and a Saturday Night Live hosting gig. "I'll be looking forward to expanding my career. I'm open to taking any advice that talent scouts -- or coaches -- throw my way."
From the looks of his signing party, Farmar seems to be quite capable of listening intently. Look at the size of those ears...
Friday, October 27, 2006
11:19 PM
Team Focus: Buffy
With seven potential 20 point scorers, Buffy is misleadingly ranked only third in PTS. We can't figure out why either. The young trio of Chris Paul, Joe Johnson, and Rashard Lewis complement and cover for each other very well. Paul is the new Jason Kidd, Joe Johnson does it all, and Rashard shoots. Add in savvy veterans Antawn Jamison (PTS, 3PT, REB) and Baron Davis (everything, except FG%) and this team is very solid.
Then you look at rounds 6 and 7, Chris Webber and Shaquille O'Neal, both former #1 NBA picks, both former ROY. Both still capable of near 20-10 seasons, even if they are injury prone. It's amazing how far Shaq slipped. The big man does have some issues, but he's still a force in head-to-head leagues.
Keeping with his "I'm sticking to my board" strategy, Buffy GM Roger was able to get value picks like Webber, Shaq and the underappreciated Cuttino Mobley, along with upside loaded talents like Jamal Crawford, Tyson Chandler, Eddy Curry, and Stromile Swift in the late rounds. Of course, all four of the latter players have been mostly teases throughout their careers, but they are all calculated gambles.
With a roster stacked with talent and names, Buffy is pretty good at everything. They are near the top in PTS, AST, REB and spectacular at STL. FT% is dead last, but if Shaq doesn't get off the bench for Buffy, that number can rise at any time. TO is also a concern but when you have playmakers like Paul, Joe Johnson, and Baron Davis, you've pretty much committed to punting that category.
It looks like Buffy has a versatile team capable of mixing and matching with any other team in the league. It'll be interesting to see which teases pan out for Buffy and how the players are deployed each week in their quest for a basketball championship (to go along with a few football ones).
Then you look at rounds 6 and 7, Chris Webber and Shaquille O'Neal, both former #1 NBA picks, both former ROY. Both still capable of near 20-10 seasons, even if they are injury prone. It's amazing how far Shaq slipped. The big man does have some issues, but he's still a force in head-to-head leagues.
Keeping with his "I'm sticking to my board" strategy, Buffy GM Roger was able to get value picks like Webber, Shaq and the underappreciated Cuttino Mobley, along with upside loaded talents like Jamal Crawford, Tyson Chandler, Eddy Curry, and Stromile Swift in the late rounds. Of course, all four of the latter players have been mostly teases throughout their careers, but they are all calculated gambles.
With a roster stacked with talent and names, Buffy is pretty good at everything. They are near the top in PTS, AST, REB and spectacular at STL. FT% is dead last, but if Shaq doesn't get off the bench for Buffy, that number can rise at any time. TO is also a concern but when you have playmakers like Paul, Joe Johnson, and Baron Davis, you've pretty much committed to punting that category.
It looks like Buffy has a versatile team capable of mixing and matching with any other team in the league. It'll be interesting to see which teases pan out for Buffy and how the players are deployed each week in their quest for a basketball championship (to go along with a few football ones).
Best pick: Antawn Jamison in Rd4.
Future star: none.
Steal: Shaquille O'Neal in Rd7.
Questionable: none.
NBA copycat: Miami Heat.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
11:46 PM
Team Focus: Human Amoebas
Dirk Nowitski is a true all around fantasy threat. He contributes mightily in every category and shoots great percentages. Plus, he's the focal point of a winning franchise and squarely in his prime. Eric-A chose Dirk over a slew of talented options such as Kobe, Marion, and Garnett and that seems to be an excellent decision. The problem isn't going to be Dirk this season, but what the team looks like around him.
Jason Kidd is also a multi-category star but he's not really a huge PTS producer. Amare Stoudemire as a second rounder is amazing value if he returns to even 80% of his previous statistics but that could be a big "if." Picks 3-6 were also pretty solid, with defensive force Ben Wallace joining straight shooting Rip Hamilton and 20/10 producer Zach Randolph.
At this point in the draft, the Human Amoebas were looking pretty strong, albeit with some outside shooting deficiencies. Ideally, the 7th and 8th round selections of Raja Bell and Quentin Richardson would be the answer here, but there are concerns about both. They were the surprise 3PT shooting sensations of the last two years, but can they do it again?
Many owners coveted Marvin Williams so it was sly of Eric-A to grab him in the ninth. Young point guard Jarrett Jack and 2006's #1 pick Andrea Bargnai should be intriguing projects this year but it seems like veteran Michael Finley has seen better days.
The Amoebas have the makings of a good team, but they're lacking in solid guard play. They're dead last in AST, weak in STL and 3PT, and in addition to that, are second-to-last in PTS. Having said that, they are very strong in both REB and FT%. For the most part, this is a veteran team looking to gel over the season; and most of all, hoping for a big comeback from Amare.
Jason Kidd is also a multi-category star but he's not really a huge PTS producer. Amare Stoudemire as a second rounder is amazing value if he returns to even 80% of his previous statistics but that could be a big "if." Picks 3-6 were also pretty solid, with defensive force Ben Wallace joining straight shooting Rip Hamilton and 20/10 producer Zach Randolph.
At this point in the draft, the Human Amoebas were looking pretty strong, albeit with some outside shooting deficiencies. Ideally, the 7th and 8th round selections of Raja Bell and Quentin Richardson would be the answer here, but there are concerns about both. They were the surprise 3PT shooting sensations of the last two years, but can they do it again?
Many owners coveted Marvin Williams so it was sly of Eric-A to grab him in the ninth. Young point guard Jarrett Jack and 2006's #1 pick Andrea Bargnai should be intriguing projects this year but it seems like veteran Michael Finley has seen better days.
The Amoebas have the makings of a good team, but they're lacking in solid guard play. They're dead last in AST, weak in STL and 3PT, and in addition to that, are second-to-last in PTS. Having said that, they are very strong in both REB and FT%. For the most part, this is a veteran team looking to gel over the season; and most of all, hoping for a big comeback from Amare.
Best pick: Jason Kidd in Rd3.
Future star: Marvin Williams in Rd12.
Steal: Zach Randolph in Rd6.
Questionable: Quentin Richardson in Rd8.
NBA copycat: Utah Jazz.
6:35 PM
Team Focus: Chunky Monkeys
With a possibly lethal 1-2 combination in Gilbert Arenas and Tim Duncan, it's a bit surprising that the Chunky Monkeys seem to be lacking in so many areas. Their biggest team strength seems to be on defense -- pre-season league leader in both STL and BLK. Seems weird right? Maybe it's all third round pick Josh Smith's doing, as he contributes to both areas greatly, and working in concert with Arenas and Duncan could provide dominant numbers in both categories (and we can't forget Emeka Okafor). But where's the offense on this team?
The only projected 20+ point scorers are Arenas and Duncan, with possibly Jason Terry, Josh Smith, or Charlie Villanueva stepping up. Maybe Manu Ginobili can add some scoring, but he's gonna have to average quite a few points to get the Monkeys up to par.
It does seem like Evan will be able to dial in from downtown however, with Arenas, Terry, Smush Parker, and Manu (this team is ranked third in 3PT). Young Pacers Danny Granger and Marquis Daniels are both promising, but neither will make huge impacts in any of the scoring categories.
A trio of point guards (Evan ended up with a league leading five of them) round out the roster. Smush Parker is the most accomplished name here but Shaun Livingston has the most upside. Mo Williams is a bit of a mystery as to how much he'll play, but he could conceivably be a fine AST man.
Despite the big hole in PTS, this team is set up to win quite a few games. Few teams can match the outside shooting, and no teams will challenge them on STL and BLK. The problem is, it doesn't look like there are two more categories within winning distance. The roster of this team is promising but a bit disjointed.
The only projected 20+ point scorers are Arenas and Duncan, with possibly Jason Terry, Josh Smith, or Charlie Villanueva stepping up. Maybe Manu Ginobili can add some scoring, but he's gonna have to average quite a few points to get the Monkeys up to par.
It does seem like Evan will be able to dial in from downtown however, with Arenas, Terry, Smush Parker, and Manu (this team is ranked third in 3PT). Young Pacers Danny Granger and Marquis Daniels are both promising, but neither will make huge impacts in any of the scoring categories.
A trio of point guards (Evan ended up with a league leading five of them) round out the roster. Smush Parker is the most accomplished name here but Shaun Livingston has the most upside. Mo Williams is a bit of a mystery as to how much he'll play, but he could conceivably be a fine AST man.
Despite the big hole in PTS, this team is set up to win quite a few games. Few teams can match the outside shooting, and no teams will challenge them on STL and BLK. The problem is, it doesn't look like there are two more categories within winning distance. The roster of this team is promising but a bit disjointed.
Best pick: Tim Duncan, Rd 2.
Future star: Josh Smith, Rd3.
Steal: Emeka Okafor, Rd10.
Questionable: Mo Williams, Rd12.
NBA copycat: Chicago Bulls.
12:12 AM
Team Focus: Squirtle Squad
The cornerstones of this franchise, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, are a great duo for any team. Garnett fills it up in every category while Ray Allen shoots enough 3PT for two people -- plus he's not bad in the other categories. Third round pick Diaw is undoubtably a great all around player, but will Amare's comeback affect his numbers dramatically? Or maybe that'll just make him better. Mr Carlos Boozer, on the other hand, is capable of putting up 20-10 but he's not exactly the healthiest guy on the market, nor does he block any shots at power forward.
Brian popped the rookie cherry by taking Brandon Roy in the sixth round, which may have been a round or two too early. But youth is everything isn't it? Roy is expected to be the rookie of the year afterall. Point guard Deron Williams is looking toward a successful second year while Andres Nocioni and Nenad Krstic are looking to build upon their breakout successes. Later round picks Damon Stoudamire and Bonzi Wells could both have success this year, while Earl Watson should steal huge minutes off of Luke Ridnour. We love the mighty mites of Stoudamire and Watson. Both should provide big AST/STL bang for the buck. Promising big man Kendrick Perkins is slated for a possible starting position, and if he does start, expect good REB and some BLK.
Overall, the Squirtle Turtles are another of those well rounded teams that don't quite do anything spectacularly (highest rank is 4th in AST) but is solidly in the upper half for most categories. It's gonna be a matchup game for Brian with this roster, but it's hard to bet against a man who I've heard legendary stories about in the realm of fantasy sports -- 4 out of last 5 football championships, in a 16 team league no less. Never underestimate the heart (and brains) of a champion.
Brian popped the rookie cherry by taking Brandon Roy in the sixth round, which may have been a round or two too early. But youth is everything isn't it? Roy is expected to be the rookie of the year afterall. Point guard Deron Williams is looking toward a successful second year while Andres Nocioni and Nenad Krstic are looking to build upon their breakout successes. Later round picks Damon Stoudamire and Bonzi Wells could both have success this year, while Earl Watson should steal huge minutes off of Luke Ridnour. We love the mighty mites of Stoudamire and Watson. Both should provide big AST/STL bang for the buck. Promising big man Kendrick Perkins is slated for a possible starting position, and if he does start, expect good REB and some BLK.
Overall, the Squirtle Turtles are another of those well rounded teams that don't quite do anything spectacularly (highest rank is 4th in AST) but is solidly in the upper half for most categories. It's gonna be a matchup game for Brian with this roster, but it's hard to bet against a man who I've heard legendary stories about in the realm of fantasy sports -- 4 out of last 5 football championships, in a 16 team league no less. Never underestimate the heart (and brains) of a champion.
Best pick: Ray Allen in Rd2.
Future star: Brandon Roy in Rd6.
Steal: Ray Allen in Rd2.
Questionable: Boris Diaw in Rd3.
NBA copycat: Dallas Mavericks.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
1:02 PM
Team Focus: Funk Coalition
It's hard NOT to build a quality team around Lebron James. He scores, he passes, he rebounds, he shoots threes, he does it all -- except block shots. Then again, with such an all around killer, does it make sense to punt half of the categories? Whether it makes sense or not, the Funk Coalition are choosing to do exactly that.
Pure shooting Michael Redd and Carmelo Anthony were the second and third picks. By passing up a quality big man here (Jermaine O'Neal was available), Jon emphasized his desire to go small ball. Since Redd and Carmelo are only three category players, sealing the other category breaches would have been very difficult.
By taking point guards Jameer Nelson, TJ Ford, Rafer Alston, and Sam Cassell in four out of the next five picks, it's small ball all the way for Funk. Fifth round pick Mehmet Okur was an interesting choice for this strategy; even considering he can hit a three per game. Okur's REB and BLK stats, as paltry as they are, could be totally wasted here.
The rest of the squad is composed of pure 3PT shooter Kyle Korver, the always tantalizing (ie. disappointing) Mike Dunleavy, and a young big man, Sean May. This team is killer in PTS and AST. They are projected to outscore the rest of the league by a wide margin, and should have enough point guards to win AST handily. Funk ranks first in PTS, AST, FT% and second overall in 3PT. Of course, they also rank dead last in FG% and TO, with REB and BLK not doing much better. The key category here could be STL, since quite a number of teams can currently out-STL Funk Coalition, which would translate into instant victory for opponents.
Pure shooting Michael Redd and Carmelo Anthony were the second and third picks. By passing up a quality big man here (Jermaine O'Neal was available), Jon emphasized his desire to go small ball. Since Redd and Carmelo are only three category players, sealing the other category breaches would have been very difficult.
By taking point guards Jameer Nelson, TJ Ford, Rafer Alston, and Sam Cassell in four out of the next five picks, it's small ball all the way for Funk. Fifth round pick Mehmet Okur was an interesting choice for this strategy; even considering he can hit a three per game. Okur's REB and BLK stats, as paltry as they are, could be totally wasted here.
The rest of the squad is composed of pure 3PT shooter Kyle Korver, the always tantalizing (ie. disappointing) Mike Dunleavy, and a young big man, Sean May. This team is killer in PTS and AST. They are projected to outscore the rest of the league by a wide margin, and should have enough point guards to win AST handily. Funk ranks first in PTS, AST, FT% and second overall in 3PT. Of course, they also rank dead last in FG% and TO, with REB and BLK not doing much better. The key category here could be STL, since quite a number of teams can currently out-STL Funk Coalition, which would translate into instant victory for opponents.
Best pick: Lebron James in Rd1.
Future star: none.
Steal: Sam Cassell in Rd8.
Questionable: Mehmet Okur in Rd5. He really doesn't fit in here does he?
NBA copycat: Phoenix Suns
9:26 AM
Team Focus: Poobic Heirs
The Big O put in a well-rounded, stellar draft. With a nice combination of big men (Yao, Rasheed, Bogut, Dalembert) to complement multi-talented wingmen (Caron Butler, Ricky Davis, Shane Battier) and number one stunner, Kobe, this team measures out pretty good on paper.
Kirk Hinrich is a nice point guard who's often overlooked. His 6 AST, 1.6 3PT, 1.2 STL and excellent FT% are exactly what you need from the position. Late round pick Devin Harris probably won't approach those numbers this year and that'll leave The Poobic Heirs a few assists short (projected as second-to-last). Still, that's the only dramatic weakness on this well balanced team. Yao, Rasheed, and Bogut will provide nice numbers everywhere and if Sam Dalembert can pick it up, that's a BLK title right there.
Caron Butler, Ricky Davis, and to a lesser extent, Shane Battier are able to contribute positively in all categories and that should be more than enough to complement Kobe Bryant. Sure, on paper, Oliver's team is lacking some in PTS, but Kobe can win that category by himself once in awhile. If new Sacramento shooting guard Kevin Martin can contribute like he did near the end of last season, that's going to be a huge bonus for this team. With real balance through most categories (weak in AST, dominant in FT%), it'll be interesting to see if Oliver's team can win consistently by just being good at everything. The numbers say yes, the fans say "of course."
Best pick: Kobe Bryant in Rd1.
Future star: none.
Steal: Kobe Bryant in Rd1.
Questionable: none.
NBA copycat: Denver Nuggets.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
10:29 AM
Team Focus: Sour Snails
In a bold move, Trieu was the only owner fearless enough to take the plunge into small ball from the get-go. Ripping a page out of the small ball draft primer, Trieu followed the precepts to a T and now is about to take his team from the science labs to the proving ground. Still the only team with no power forwards or centers on the roster, Trieu passed up a boatload of bigs to commit to shooters and passers.
Assists will come from the duo of Steve Nash and Allen Iverson, with Mike James and possibly Rajon Rondo contributing a few per game. Aside from that, the rest of the team just shoots, and shoots. Of course, it's not fair to label players such as Ron Artest, Jason Richardson, Larry Hughes and Rudy Gay as just pure shooters or scorers. These guys will steal the ball, shoot the three, and put up all the necessary guard related numbers. Morris Peterson, Wally Szerbiak and (the possibly jail bound) Stephen Jackson will hoist it from the perimeter and aside from Jackson, won't contribute much else outside of good %s. The only player even resembling a front court player is Ryan Gomes, who's hardly a power player.
Needless to say, the Sour Snails are going to need to dominate PTS-AST-STL-3PT-FT%. It looks like they'll beat most comers in 3PT and FT% -- first and third respectively. However, they are a bit light in the AST and STL departments. They're good, but not amazing. Of course, all that separates the leaders from Trieu in these two categories is 4 AST and 1 STL a game. So the potential is there for Trieu to take all four each week.
The question will be PTS, as in, can the Snails get enough? Iverson can provide the necessary spark but Artest, Richardson, Peterson and everyone else had better kick it up a few notches. Otherwise it's going to be fun-and-gun, but without many victories since they are conceding the other four categories right out of the gate.
Assists will come from the duo of Steve Nash and Allen Iverson, with Mike James and possibly Rajon Rondo contributing a few per game. Aside from that, the rest of the team just shoots, and shoots. Of course, it's not fair to label players such as Ron Artest, Jason Richardson, Larry Hughes and Rudy Gay as just pure shooters or scorers. These guys will steal the ball, shoot the three, and put up all the necessary guard related numbers. Morris Peterson, Wally Szerbiak and (the possibly jail bound) Stephen Jackson will hoist it from the perimeter and aside from Jackson, won't contribute much else outside of good %s. The only player even resembling a front court player is Ryan Gomes, who's hardly a power player.
Needless to say, the Sour Snails are going to need to dominate PTS-AST-STL-3PT-FT%. It looks like they'll beat most comers in 3PT and FT% -- first and third respectively. However, they are a bit light in the AST and STL departments. They're good, but not amazing. Of course, all that separates the leaders from Trieu in these two categories is 4 AST and 1 STL a game. So the potential is there for Trieu to take all four each week.
The question will be PTS, as in, can the Snails get enough? Iverson can provide the necessary spark but Artest, Richardson, Peterson and everyone else had better kick it up a few notches. Otherwise it's going to be fun-and-gun, but without many victories since they are conceding the other four categories right out of the gate.
Best pick: Jason Richardson in Rd 4.
Future star: Rudy Gay in Rd9.
Steal: Mike James in Rd6.
Questionable: none. Maybe Morris Peterson in Rd5 but it's hard to argue with the pick considering the team philosophy.
NBA copycat: Seattle Supersonics.
9:25 AM
Team Focus: MoRRie's Pogiboys
It was nearly one year ago when Alvin and I first spoke of starting an "All-Star" fantasy basketball league in order to fulfill our basketball jones. Here we are, one year later, about to step off the precipice of an exciting keeper league. So, how's Alvin looking?
Despite not getting Gilbert Arenas to fall to him at pick nine, Alvin has to be ecstatic about Elton Brand dropping down to him. Nobody would have predicted that this 20-10 stud, still in his prime, would drop so far. On the turnaround, Alvin scooped up Chauncey Billups, who is hardly underrated, but he's still underrated. A career year translated into 18 pts, 9 asts, and 2.3 threes for Chauncey. That's pretty useful to have around. If fourth round pick Stephon Marbury bounces back like we all think he will, that's another 20-8 point guard on the roster. Young big men Chris Kaman and Channing Frye are both active on the boards and on defense -- plus, both shoot stellar FT%. That's a 20-10 franchise player in the frontcourt, two stellar point guards, and two double-double big men. That doesn't include X-Factor Gerald Wallace, who is a STL and BLK machine if he stays healthy.
With a stellar first six picks, could Alvin surround his solid core with the right kinds of players? The additions of point guards Speedy Claxton and Sebastien Telfair should add more ASTs for the present and the future, however neither are stellar shooters. No problem, shooting is all Vladimir Radmanovic does. He'll be needed to shoot a career number of threes, and even that might not be enough (Pogiboy is currently ranked 8th in 3PT). If Derek Fisher can contribute in any way, he'll help those long range numbers. Golden State big men Troy Murphy and Ike Dioglu are directly opposing type of playrs. Troy is a FG% killer, but he can score and rebound, plus drop in a three per game. Ike is currently in Don Nelson's doghouse but he's got some good low post skills.
The Pogiboys are well rounded in pretty much every respect -- with good numbers in AST, REB, STL, BLK, FT% and TO -- however, the total lack of PTS could be troubling. This team is dead last in PTS -- since Elton is the only bonafide scorer (and maybe Stephon if he returns to form). It may be time to ignore the scoreboard and just add on to the strengths that this team already exhibits. It'll be interesting to see how Alvin rounds out his roster to maximize his talent.
Despite not getting Gilbert Arenas to fall to him at pick nine, Alvin has to be ecstatic about Elton Brand dropping down to him. Nobody would have predicted that this 20-10 stud, still in his prime, would drop so far. On the turnaround, Alvin scooped up Chauncey Billups, who is hardly underrated, but he's still underrated. A career year translated into 18 pts, 9 asts, and 2.3 threes for Chauncey. That's pretty useful to have around. If fourth round pick Stephon Marbury bounces back like we all think he will, that's another 20-8 point guard on the roster. Young big men Chris Kaman and Channing Frye are both active on the boards and on defense -- plus, both shoot stellar FT%. That's a 20-10 franchise player in the frontcourt, two stellar point guards, and two double-double big men. That doesn't include X-Factor Gerald Wallace, who is a STL and BLK machine if he stays healthy.
With a stellar first six picks, could Alvin surround his solid core with the right kinds of players? The additions of point guards Speedy Claxton and Sebastien Telfair should add more ASTs for the present and the future, however neither are stellar shooters. No problem, shooting is all Vladimir Radmanovic does. He'll be needed to shoot a career number of threes, and even that might not be enough (Pogiboy is currently ranked 8th in 3PT). If Derek Fisher can contribute in any way, he'll help those long range numbers. Golden State big men Troy Murphy and Ike Dioglu are directly opposing type of playrs. Troy is a FG% killer, but he can score and rebound, plus drop in a three per game. Ike is currently in Don Nelson's doghouse but he's got some good low post skills.
The Pogiboys are well rounded in pretty much every respect -- with good numbers in AST, REB, STL, BLK, FT% and TO -- however, the total lack of PTS could be troubling. This team is dead last in PTS -- since Elton is the only bonafide scorer (and maybe Stephon if he returns to form). It may be time to ignore the scoreboard and just add on to the strengths that this team already exhibits. It'll be interesting to see how Alvin rounds out his roster to maximize his talent.
Best pick: Elton Brand in Rd1.
Future star: Gerald Wallace in Rd3.
Steal: Stephon Marbury in Rd4.
Questionable: Sebastian Telfair in Rd9.
NBA copycat: Houston Rockets.
Monday, October 23, 2006
10:18 AM
Team Focus: Phanatics
Here's an interesting team to look at. Ping's Phanatics had a very strong draft overall and this prognosticator really likes this team. The versatile duo of Paul Pierce and Vince Carter provide all sorts of help across the board. Tack on Richard Jefferson and the Phanatics have by far the best wingmen in the league. Versatile, and high rebounding, forward Lamar Odom really helps to complement Pierce, Carter, and Jefferson.
The addition of Marcus Camby is what really puts this team over the top for me. By taking this REB and BLK machine, Ping really solidified all of his categories, and he was able to take Camby in Rd6. Sure Camby will probably sit out 30 games or so but the other 50 games he'll bring dominance in two categories.
Young forward David West can put up 17-7 with little effort and with additional strong rebounders on board like Drew Gooden and Nazr Mohammed, it's no wonder Ping is by far first in REB. Despite just one point guard on the roster (Luke Ridnour), Ping has the capability to post some decent AST numbers, simply because Pierce, Carter, and Odom are all so well rounded. Late round pick Marcus Williams is a great selection for the future as he could take over the reins from Jason Kidd in a few years. Hedo Turkoglu brings in an additional weapon from long range.
Due to the extreme versatility of many of Ping's first few selections, there seem to be no outrageous holes on this roster. Sure, STL and 3PT are a bit of an issue, but nobody's perfect. With such clear dominance in REB, near dominance in BLK (if Camby plays), and excellent FG% and FT%, the Phanatics could be quite a handful against any matchup.
The addition of Marcus Camby is what really puts this team over the top for me. By taking this REB and BLK machine, Ping really solidified all of his categories, and he was able to take Camby in Rd6. Sure Camby will probably sit out 30 games or so but the other 50 games he'll bring dominance in two categories.
Young forward David West can put up 17-7 with little effort and with additional strong rebounders on board like Drew Gooden and Nazr Mohammed, it's no wonder Ping is by far first in REB. Despite just one point guard on the roster (Luke Ridnour), Ping has the capability to post some decent AST numbers, simply because Pierce, Carter, and Odom are all so well rounded. Late round pick Marcus Williams is a great selection for the future as he could take over the reins from Jason Kidd in a few years. Hedo Turkoglu brings in an additional weapon from long range.
Due to the extreme versatility of many of Ping's first few selections, there seem to be no outrageous holes on this roster. Sure, STL and 3PT are a bit of an issue, but nobody's perfect. With such clear dominance in REB, near dominance in BLK (if Camby plays), and excellent FG% and FT%, the Phanatics could be quite a handful against any matchup.
Value pick: Richard Jefferson in Rd4.
Future star: none.
Steal: Marcus Camby in Rd6.
Questionable: none.
NBA copycat: New Jersey Nets.
2:02 AM
Team Focus: 1000 Acre Wood Pooh Bears
It looks like J's put together quite a team around his intriguing duo of Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko. The Evan Team Rater has J's team ranked number one after eleven rounds. J's only real weakness is in points -- but even then, he's squarely safe in the middle of the pack. In fact, J's at least near average (meant as a good thing) in every category while ranking near the top in AST and both the %'s. Surprisingly, The Pooh Bears aren't the top team in BLK, even with Marion and AK on the roster.
With point guards Mike Bibby and Andre Miller picked directly after Matrix and AK, J took immediate control of his AST situation. Adding Brevin Knight in Rd10 could be a real steal, since he should get AST and STL easily enough. Shooters Peja Stojakovic and Ben Gordon were efficiently snapped up to fill out the perimeter, leaving room for multi-talented wingman Tayshaun Prince and the up-and-coming Josh Childress. This could be the skinniest wingmen duo in history.
With a solid foundation, J could afford to grab Pau Gasol in Rd6 and wait on him. In the meantime, Chris Wilcox and Shareef Abdur-Rahim should be able to make do in Gasol's absence. In Wilcox's case, he could even become a huge contributor if he decides to work hard throughout the season.
The more I look at this team, the more noticeably well put together it is. Needs were readily identified and then addressed. The only big question is whether or not AK can stay healthy. Just a smart solid team all-around with enough excellent categories to win each week.
Best pick: Pau Gasol, Rd6.
Future star: none, maybe Ben Gordon in Rd7.
Steal: none.
Questionable: none.
NBA copycat: Detroit Pistons.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
10:12 PM
Team Focus: Fat Jubas
Fat Jubas: the origin of the name is apparently Eric-L's pet iguana. I think. Actually, I have no idea, but that makes as much sense as anything else right? In our current power rankings, Eric-L's ranks a lowly 10th. However, his roster looks tight, and benefitting from possibly the biggest steal of the draft (Jermaine O'Neal at 27th overall), this team should be very competitive.
Passing up tempting choices like Shawn Marion and Kobe Bryant, Eric-L took Dwayne Wade at the third spot overall. Wade will bring you great FG% and fabulous numbers across the board, except in 3PT. In the playoffs however, Wade was taking (and hitting) shots from beyond the arc so his game will probably keep expanding. Second round value Tracy McGrady has been a fantasy superstar in the past, but his back might limit him once again. Same story with Jermaine O'Neal; all world talent and numbers, injury prone.
A slightly questionable pick in this draft might be Andre Iguodala in the fourth. Iguodala is physically talented but he only averaged 12-6-3 (albeit with 1.6 STL) last year. And with the other AI around, he's probably not going to get much better numbers wise. Still, Iguodala and Josh Howard (acquired in Rd7) are both expected to be all-around fantasy talents. But Howard, who has similar numbers to Iguodala, was taken three rounds later.
On a team sorely lacking AST, lightning bugs Tony Parker and Leandro Barboso won't necessarily help. Both are great at getting in the lane, pushing the pace, and scoring, but neither will contribute that much in the passing department. Corey Maggette was once a rising star, but now his health, and role, is a bit more in doubt. At his best, Maggette is an offensive force who can really help out your FT% since he gets to the line so much. The other center, Zaza Pachulia, had a great year last year (12-8, 1 STL) and here's hoping his new Jubas' teammate, rookie forward Shelden Williams, doesn't disturb those numbers. The Jubas also won the Darko lottery, meaning he should get 2 BLK a game, and maybe more?
The Jubas rank first in FG% and second in BLK. The problem is, they generate a ton of turnovers (tied for last in the league) without much return in AST (third-to-last). In addition, the Jubas are dead last in 3PT too. So there are some real obvious strengths and weaknesses on this team -- and that's with the roster healthy. What happens if McGrady or JO miss half a season? Let's hope they don't have to find out.
Passing up tempting choices like Shawn Marion and Kobe Bryant, Eric-L took Dwayne Wade at the third spot overall. Wade will bring you great FG% and fabulous numbers across the board, except in 3PT. In the playoffs however, Wade was taking (and hitting) shots from beyond the arc so his game will probably keep expanding. Second round value Tracy McGrady has been a fantasy superstar in the past, but his back might limit him once again. Same story with Jermaine O'Neal; all world talent and numbers, injury prone.
A slightly questionable pick in this draft might be Andre Iguodala in the fourth. Iguodala is physically talented but he only averaged 12-6-3 (albeit with 1.6 STL) last year. And with the other AI around, he's probably not going to get much better numbers wise. Still, Iguodala and Josh Howard (acquired in Rd7) are both expected to be all-around fantasy talents. But Howard, who has similar numbers to Iguodala, was taken three rounds later.
On a team sorely lacking AST, lightning bugs Tony Parker and Leandro Barboso won't necessarily help. Both are great at getting in the lane, pushing the pace, and scoring, but neither will contribute that much in the passing department. Corey Maggette was once a rising star, but now his health, and role, is a bit more in doubt. At his best, Maggette is an offensive force who can really help out your FT% since he gets to the line so much. The other center, Zaza Pachulia, had a great year last year (12-8, 1 STL) and here's hoping his new Jubas' teammate, rookie forward Shelden Williams, doesn't disturb those numbers. The Jubas also won the Darko lottery, meaning he should get 2 BLK a game, and maybe more?
The Jubas rank first in FG% and second in BLK. The problem is, they generate a ton of turnovers (tied for last in the league) without much return in AST (third-to-last). In addition, the Jubas are dead last in 3PT too. So there are some real obvious strengths and weaknesses on this team -- and that's with the roster healthy. What happens if McGrady or JO miss half a season? Let's hope they don't have to find out.
Best pick: Tracy McGrady in Rd2.
Future star: Dwayne Wade in Rd1.
Steal: Jermaine O'Neal in Rd3.
Questionable: Andre Iguodala in Rd4.
NBA copycat: Los Angeles Clippers.
3:50 PM
Team Focus: Rhythm Drive
We passed over Reno's team in our draft diary so we return to shed some spotlight on this gargantuan squad. Now that we're twelve rounds into the draft, all our teams have taken shape and most of the potential starters are ready to be slotted into our lineups. The promise of earlier rounds has now turned into the reality of trying to win games. In fantasy basketball, the first three or four rounds will dictate what your needs are in the mid and lower rounds. If you drafted small early, you're likely going to need to go big later. This is especially true in rotisserie (a bit less since we are going head-to-head).
In Reno's case, he went big early with Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard, and then got even bigger with Brad Miller and Zydrunas Ilgauskas in Rounds 4-5. In-between that foursome of giants, he grabbed up-and-coming point guard Raymond Felton. This is a solid foundation for the future. Bosh and Howard are a very coveted duo and are likely the best young big men in the game. If Bosh can return to his shot blocking ways, he and Howard will combine to clean up on all the traditional big men numbers. Howard is a mini-Shaq in the sense that his FT% is horrible (Bosh's is excellent) but you take the bad with the good -- and good is 18 point and 14 rebounds.
With four big men in his first five picks, Reno's strength was obviously going to lie in REB and BLKs. However, height can be misleading. Brad Miller isn't a huge REB or BLKs guy -- he's a premier passing center. Ilgauskas isn't a top tier REB or BLKS guy either, but he is more than serviceable and has very impressive %'s all around.
So what should have happened in the crucial mid-rounds for Reno? If he's going to balance out his roster, he was going to have to invest heavily into guards, specifically, to get his AST and 3PT up. With his next few picks, he did exactly that.
Mike Miller will provide PTS and 3PT early on while Gasol is out. Steve Francis should be able to get PTS and maybe some AST, ideally returning to 75% of his "Stevie Franchise" status. Luol Deng is a useful piece but he doesn't clearly address any of Reno's needs -- still, he's a rising player in the league. Additional late mid-round picks, rookies Adam Morrison and Randy Foye, are really investments toward the future. Morrison should be a shooter in the style of Wally Szerbiak, and Foye is slotted to be an all-around star -- just maybe not this year.
The most recent two picks were used on Kenyon Martin and Grant Hill. Kenyon can provide decent production in REB and BLK assuming he stays healthy and Grant Hill is looking at a contract year and hopefully 60-70 games. It's assumed that both of these veterans will play early for Rhythm Drive, until the rookies can step up. Or until the two vets fall down, whichever happens first.
Right now, Reno is ranked second in REB, sixth in BLK, and third in FG%. The team is dead last in STL and 2nd to last in 3PT, which is to be expected by looking at the roster. In fantasy, you can either shore up a weakness, or build on a strength. In Reno's case, he's done a little bit of both, leaving him somewhat here nor there. Until Morrison and Roye step up, or Francis/Kenyon/Hill provide some positive contributions, Reno's team could struggle to find an identity.
In Reno's case, he went big early with Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard, and then got even bigger with Brad Miller and Zydrunas Ilgauskas in Rounds 4-5. In-between that foursome of giants, he grabbed up-and-coming point guard Raymond Felton. This is a solid foundation for the future. Bosh and Howard are a very coveted duo and are likely the best young big men in the game. If Bosh can return to his shot blocking ways, he and Howard will combine to clean up on all the traditional big men numbers. Howard is a mini-Shaq in the sense that his FT% is horrible (Bosh's is excellent) but you take the bad with the good -- and good is 18 point and 14 rebounds.
With four big men in his first five picks, Reno's strength was obviously going to lie in REB and BLKs. However, height can be misleading. Brad Miller isn't a huge REB or BLKs guy -- he's a premier passing center. Ilgauskas isn't a top tier REB or BLKS guy either, but he is more than serviceable and has very impressive %'s all around.
So what should have happened in the crucial mid-rounds for Reno? If he's going to balance out his roster, he was going to have to invest heavily into guards, specifically, to get his AST and 3PT up. With his next few picks, he did exactly that.
Mike Miller will provide PTS and 3PT early on while Gasol is out. Steve Francis should be able to get PTS and maybe some AST, ideally returning to 75% of his "Stevie Franchise" status. Luol Deng is a useful piece but he doesn't clearly address any of Reno's needs -- still, he's a rising player in the league. Additional late mid-round picks, rookies Adam Morrison and Randy Foye, are really investments toward the future. Morrison should be a shooter in the style of Wally Szerbiak, and Foye is slotted to be an all-around star -- just maybe not this year.
The most recent two picks were used on Kenyon Martin and Grant Hill. Kenyon can provide decent production in REB and BLK assuming he stays healthy and Grant Hill is looking at a contract year and hopefully 60-70 games. It's assumed that both of these veterans will play early for Rhythm Drive, until the rookies can step up. Or until the two vets fall down, whichever happens first.
Right now, Reno is ranked second in REB, sixth in BLK, and third in FG%. The team is dead last in STL and 2nd to last in 3PT, which is to be expected by looking at the roster. In fantasy, you can either shore up a weakness, or build on a strength. In Reno's case, he's done a little bit of both, leaving him somewhat here nor there. Until Morrison and Roye step up, or Francis/Kenyon/Hill provide some positive contributions, Reno's team could struggle to find an identity.
Best pick: Dwight Howard in Rd2.
Future star: Raymond Felton in Rd3.
Steal: Steve Francis in Rd8.
Questionable: Luol Deng in Rd6, passing up some point guards such as Mike James (taken one spot later) who could have contributed immediately with 3PT and AST. But for Deng and the Rhythm Drive, it's all about upside.
NBA copycat: Orlando Magic.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
12:52 PM
Geeks + Fantasy = Dorks
We can't avoid it, we just all love numbers! While the league is still setting up, the pocket calculators, Excel spreadsheets, and number crunching has started. As if playing fantasy sports wasn't nerdy enough, Evan had to go and generate a projected stats sheet for our current rosters (through the 9th round). Break out that abacus baby!
What his in-depth statistics have revealed to us is that we are all lacking in something -- as if we didn't know that already. There is no dominant team by any stretch of the imagination and every team has numerous strengths and weaknesses. The statistics don't take into account the turnover (TO) ranking so it's slightly skewed to the smaller teams. While these numbers are not meant to imply that these are the best teams, they can certainly give us an idea of how our drafts are going.
Plus it reveals such tidbits as "Hey, I thought my STLs were much higher! What happened?" We've only got a few more rounds here to go so if you need something to boost one of your categories up a little bit, now's the time! And, keep in mind, we're going head-to-head so sometimes, it really doesn't matter how you rank, as long as you win. I mean, C Webb and Starbury are great numbers guys but they've never won a thing...
So, for your enjoyment, here are the initial rosters and the stats (updated through RD 11) from Evan -- also available on the blog's sidebar. Now, a magician can't reveal all his secrets, so he's withheld the more intimidate personnel details, but he has been kind enough to show us this. For that we applaud him.
If knowing is half the battle, then getting another person to do the Excel work is the other half. Thanks man.
What his in-depth statistics have revealed to us is that we are all lacking in something -- as if we didn't know that already. There is no dominant team by any stretch of the imagination and every team has numerous strengths and weaknesses. The statistics don't take into account the turnover (TO) ranking so it's slightly skewed to the smaller teams. While these numbers are not meant to imply that these are the best teams, they can certainly give us an idea of how our drafts are going.
Plus it reveals such tidbits as "Hey, I thought my STLs were much higher! What happened?" We've only got a few more rounds here to go so if you need something to boost one of your categories up a little bit, now's the time! And, keep in mind, we're going head-to-head so sometimes, it really doesn't matter how you rank, as long as you win. I mean, C Webb and Starbury are great numbers guys but they've never won a thing...
So, for your enjoyment, here are the initial rosters and the stats (updated through RD 11) from Evan -- also available on the blog's sidebar. Now, a magician can't reveal all his secrets, so he's withheld the more intimidate personnel details, but he has been kind enough to show us this. For that we applaud him.
If knowing is half the battle, then getting another person to do the Excel work is the other half. Thanks man.
Friday, October 20, 2006
12:31 AM
Green with Envy
Yesterday, a terrible tragedy occured, one involving new Boston Celtics' point guard Sebastien Telfair. No, we're not talking about him getting his $50,000 chain getting snatched, or the subsequent shooting-related (guns, not baskets) accusation lowered at him. We're talking about Alvin picking Telfair near the bottom of the ninth. The crime was approximately committed around 5:48pm EST, approximately. This bold move, unmistakably a declaration of metaphorical rochambo, sent shockwaves through the Funk household. Much cursing and swearing was undertaken before a calm settled in. "I'll just take one of his guys...!"
Then, in an obviously coordinated move to further mess up the Funk Coalition's funk, the Celtics' other point guard of the future, RaJON Rondo, was stolen by Trieu in the tenth -- a mere three hours after Telfair was kidnapped. Can we say "conspiracy?"
Both players were crushed by the idea of suiting up for a non-Funk Coalition affiliated team. Telfair and Rondo had their morale destroyed and their will to play basketball might be dashed beyond repair. Telfair and Rondo said, in unison, that they would not so much as touch a basketball all season if that's what it took be to waived or traded to the Coalition.
In an inspiring show of solidarity, other non-Funk affiliated Celtics Paul Pierce and Wally Szerbiak have also declared themselves unwilling to play this season. In a statement released by Funk Coalition owner Jon, he acknowledged that it would be a great idea if Pierce, Telfair, and Rondo sit the year out. However, he did add that, "Wally can play all he wants, that guy sucks. By playing he'll actually help me more than if he were on my team. Play on Wally!"
To sum up the general mood around these parts...
Then, in an obviously coordinated move to further mess up the Funk Coalition's funk, the Celtics' other point guard of the future, RaJON Rondo, was stolen by Trieu in the tenth -- a mere three hours after Telfair was kidnapped. Can we say "conspiracy?"
Both players were crushed by the idea of suiting up for a non-Funk Coalition affiliated team. Telfair and Rondo had their morale destroyed and their will to play basketball might be dashed beyond repair. Telfair and Rondo said, in unison, that they would not so much as touch a basketball all season if that's what it took be to waived or traded to the Coalition.
In an inspiring show of solidarity, other non-Funk affiliated Celtics Paul Pierce and Wally Szerbiak have also declared themselves unwilling to play this season. In a statement released by Funk Coalition owner Jon, he acknowledged that it would be a great idea if Pierce, Telfair, and Rondo sit the year out. However, he did add that, "Wally can play all he wants, that guy sucks. By playing he'll actually help me more than if he were on my team. Play on Wally!"
To sum up the general mood around these parts...
"Grab ya glocks, when you see TupacBut in the spirit of peace, co-existence, league unity, and of doing no violence upon any man, we'll settle this one on the court. Trieu, Alvin...that's right, we're gonna take it...we're gonna take it to the streets!
Call the cops, when you see Tupac, uhh
Who shot me, but ya punks didn't finish
Now ya bout to feel the wrath of a menace
n*****, I hit em' up..."
Thursday, October 19, 2006
1:40 AM
The "Fantasy" Draft: Part 1
If we conducted a fantasy draft of anyone in the world right now, who would each team select? Welcome to the world and wacky world of "What If?!?"
What do you get the team that is chock full of shooters and passers? Why, the greatest shooter and passer of all time of course! Larry Legend, welcome to the Funk Coalition. With the Quicken Arena rocking with chants of "Le-Bron, Le-Bron" and "La-rry, La-rry" this is place where (fantasy) banners will be raised. Larry Bird can do it all -- shoot the three, fight for rebounds like a 12th man, make free throws lefty, and even get a few steals with his amazing anticipation. His one "weakness" is a lack of BLK ability but really, this team can't BLK for shit anyway.
The Human Amoebas have just about everything on their team; a studly front line (Dirk-Amare-Big Ben-Zach Randolph), a versatile point guard in Jason Kidd, and some shooters to spread the floor in Rip Hamilton and Raja Bell. The Amoebas do need some more leadership, passing ability, and scoring punch. Welcome hometown hero Isiah Thomas -- the player not the general manager. Not only is Isiah a part-way inspiration for Eric-A's first son (Isaiah), he's a feisty leader who can dish and score with the best of them. Plus, he's used to the Pistons jersey, and new-classic Pistons like Ben Wallace and Rip Hamilton will instantly bond with him. Isiah may be charming on the outside with his cutesy smile, but he's really a ruthless assassin at heart. Perfect for this team.
Eric-L needs a healthy dose of.....well, health. While his team has a number of outstanding players, they do tend to get hurt quite a lot. Dwayne Wade is a high flying bulldozer and that puts him on the bench quite a bit. Tracy McGrady is constantly hurt and hasn't played a full season in forever. Jermaine O'Neal has suffered from shoulder injuries -- although his fist seems to be fine. Corey Maggette is not exactly the invulnerable man-stud he looks like. Even Josh Howard gets dinged up once in awhile. What this team needs is a doctor. And who better to draft than a wrinkly, sub-five foot healer who possesses magical powers? No, not Dr Ruth, we mean E.T. -- the Extra Terrestrial! With just one touch of his magical finger, E.T. would heal all and get the Fat Jubas on the court in no time flat in order to soar to a championship.
With the intriguingly lanky duo of Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko covering every statistical category on the planet, who better to add to that odd combo than our favorite Sudanese basketball "star," Manute Bol. The original air up there, Manute is versatility personified. He can be tall, he can be thin, he can block shots, he can be a humanitarian, and he can box -- beating Refrigerator Perry in an unanimous decision. Plus he can drain threes at an amazing rate (during blowouts) with an unorthodox shot that is similar but completely different than Marion's. What more could you want for your team than a 7'7", shot blocking, slingshot shooting center?
What do Lorraine Bracco and Nicole Kidman have to do with basketball? Well, as Kobe knows, behind every strong man is a beautiful woman -- or two, or three. Lorraine Bracco is the acclaimed psychologist on the Sopranos who helps Tony with his issues. And to say that this team has issues is an understatement. Ignoring Kobe altogether, we still have nut cases Rasheed Wallace and Ricky Davis on board. You know, Rasheed, he of the anger management problems and Ricky D, the player who once tried to create his own fake rebound in order to secure a triple-double? And let's not forget, Caron Butler used to play side by side with Kobe, and he undoubtably has some latent emotional issues to deal with. So what is Nicole Kidman around to do (aside from tempting Kobe)? Interpret of course! Yao is Chinese; Rasheed and Ricky are crazy; Kobe is Italian, an asshole, and stand-offish; Bogut is Australian; and Hinrich is white; they're gonna need some serious help communicating and coping. Plus, two chicks are always better than one. Arguably.
With the next pick in the 2006 Fantasy Draft, Chunky Monkey's GM Evan selects...Barry Sanders. Finally, an unrequited love affair consumated; even if Barry is retired and originally a football player. Barry is a freak of nature like Josh Smith, a solid citizen like Tim Duncan, and crazy motivated like Gilbert Arenas -- well, up until he suddenly retired in 1999. Barry's back and Evan finally has him on his fantasy team. A dream come true. Can Evan break through and win a championship now? Most certainly. Old Detroit saying: "Where's there's a Barry there's a way."
What do you get the team that is chock full of shooters and passers? Why, the greatest shooter and passer of all time of course! Larry Legend, welcome to the Funk Coalition. With the Quicken Arena rocking with chants of "Le-Bron, Le-Bron" and "La-rry, La-rry" this is place where (fantasy) banners will be raised. Larry Bird can do it all -- shoot the three, fight for rebounds like a 12th man, make free throws lefty, and even get a few steals with his amazing anticipation. His one "weakness" is a lack of BLK ability but really, this team can't BLK for shit anyway.
The Human Amoebas have just about everything on their team; a studly front line (Dirk-Amare-Big Ben-Zach Randolph), a versatile point guard in Jason Kidd, and some shooters to spread the floor in Rip Hamilton and Raja Bell. The Amoebas do need some more leadership, passing ability, and scoring punch. Welcome hometown hero Isiah Thomas -- the player not the general manager. Not only is Isiah a part-way inspiration for Eric-A's first son (Isaiah), he's a feisty leader who can dish and score with the best of them. Plus, he's used to the Pistons jersey, and new-classic Pistons like Ben Wallace and Rip Hamilton will instantly bond with him. Isiah may be charming on the outside with his cutesy smile, but he's really a ruthless assassin at heart. Perfect for this team.
Eric-L needs a healthy dose of.....well, health. While his team has a number of outstanding players, they do tend to get hurt quite a lot. Dwayne Wade is a high flying bulldozer and that puts him on the bench quite a bit. Tracy McGrady is constantly hurt and hasn't played a full season in forever. Jermaine O'Neal has suffered from shoulder injuries -- although his fist seems to be fine. Corey Maggette is not exactly the invulnerable man-stud he looks like. Even Josh Howard gets dinged up once in awhile. What this team needs is a doctor. And who better to draft than a wrinkly, sub-five foot healer who possesses magical powers? No, not Dr Ruth, we mean E.T. -- the Extra Terrestrial! With just one touch of his magical finger, E.T. would heal all and get the Fat Jubas on the court in no time flat in order to soar to a championship.
With the intriguingly lanky duo of Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko covering every statistical category on the planet, who better to add to that odd combo than our favorite Sudanese basketball "star," Manute Bol. The original air up there, Manute is versatility personified. He can be tall, he can be thin, he can block shots, he can be a humanitarian, and he can box -- beating Refrigerator Perry in an unanimous decision. Plus he can drain threes at an amazing rate (during blowouts) with an unorthodox shot that is similar but completely different than Marion's. What more could you want for your team than a 7'7", shot blocking, slingshot shooting center?
What do Lorraine Bracco and Nicole Kidman have to do with basketball? Well, as Kobe knows, behind every strong man is a beautiful woman -- or two, or three. Lorraine Bracco is the acclaimed psychologist on the Sopranos who helps Tony with his issues. And to say that this team has issues is an understatement. Ignoring Kobe altogether, we still have nut cases Rasheed Wallace and Ricky Davis on board. You know, Rasheed, he of the anger management problems and Ricky D, the player who once tried to create his own fake rebound in order to secure a triple-double? And let's not forget, Caron Butler used to play side by side with Kobe, and he undoubtably has some latent emotional issues to deal with. So what is Nicole Kidman around to do (aside from tempting Kobe)? Interpret of course! Yao is Chinese; Rasheed and Ricky are crazy; Kobe is Italian, an asshole, and stand-offish; Bogut is Australian; and Hinrich is white; they're gonna need some serious help communicating and coping. Plus, two chicks are always better than one. Arguably.
With the next pick in the 2006 Fantasy Draft, Chunky Monkey's GM Evan selects...Barry Sanders. Finally, an unrequited love affair consumated; even if Barry is retired and originally a football player. Barry is a freak of nature like Josh Smith, a solid citizen like Tim Duncan, and crazy motivated like Gilbert Arenas -- well, up until he suddenly retired in 1999. Barry's back and Evan finally has him on his fantasy team. A dream come true. Can Evan break through and win a championship now? Most certainly. Old Detroit saying: "Where's there's a Barry there's a way."
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
5:18 PM
The "Fantasy" Draft: Part 2
Talk about classy, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen are two of the nicest guys in the league. Almost too nice in fact. Some say that they lack a killer instinct and would serve better as second bananas on a championship caliber team. So here's who we got for the Squirtle Squad -- Dr J. The face of the ABA, the slam dunk king, and one of the classiest (and most iconic) athletes to grace the planet. Dr J had to face some adversity in his career and critics said he was too nice also. But Dr J has won quite a few titles in both the ABA and the NBA. His swooping athletic style of play would fit right in next to KG and Ray-Ray -- and he could take the spotlight off of them. The Doctor, with his 70's flare pants, and Boris Diaw, with his European fashion sense, could go shopping for tight pants together. In addition, with a backstabbing bastard like Carlos Boozer on your team, you're gonna need a true ambassador of basketball on your side if you want to win the fans over. Julius, the Doctor, Errrrvvvviiiiiiinggg!!!
Buffy is stacked. Young leaders like Chris Paul and Joe Johnson are ready to take veterans like Chris Webber, Baron Davis, Antawn Jamison, and Shaquille O'Neal to the promised land. Well, the Diesel has been there four times, but of late, he's needed some help. While Shaq has always been a powerful leader, his ability to galvanize and influence will fade with age. If you notice, Buffy is composed of players who have never had success in the playoffs -- outside of Shaq. Who's gonna take this team to the next level? Rashard Lewis? C Webb -- the unclutchest player ever? Very doubtful. This team needs some magic, or more accurately, they need Big Game James. Mr Worthy has won championships at every level of basketball and his nickname says it all -- he's big game. And he's exactly what this team needs to bring home the trophy.
Another team looking for a little motivation is Morrie's Pogiboys. While Alvin's team already has a great leader and clutch performer in Chauncey Billups, everyone else on the roster is just promise. Elton Brand and Chris Kaman are a (very) promising front line. Gerald Wallace and Channing Frye have promising futures ahead. Stephon Marbury -- a native New Yorker who desperately wants to bring a trophy home to Madison Square Garden -- has always been about unfulfilled promise. This team desperately needs some inspiration and motivation. So we go back to 1970, Game 7, Knicks versus the Lakers. An injured Willis Reed walks out of the tunnel, hits his first two shots, and the Knicks run away to their first championship. Willis can walk out of that tunnel again...April 2007. Slow-motion shot on Pogiboy trophy ceremony, cut scene, roll credits. Video edited and produced by Matrix and Porta.
What to buy for the team that has four multi-talented swingmen (Pierce, Vince, Jefferson, Odom)? How about one of the greatest swingmen ever? Scottie Pippen! Sure Scottie was a bit of an insecure malcontent but Vince Carter needs a drinking buddy right? And Paul Pierce is man enough for both of them. A migraine? Try coming back after getting stabbed a bazillion times Scottie! And we're not talking stabs of the verbal variety either. Despite his sometimes delicate mental makeup, Pippen was the ultimate player. Dominant on defense, great on offense, and athletic as hell. He's what Pierce, Vince, Jefferson, and Odom wish they could be. Scottie never got to lead his own team to a championship; but with Ping's team, he will.
Trieu started off his draft with two of the most exciting players of the current era -- Steve Nash and Allen Iverson -- so it makes sense for him to continue that trend and draft the original flash and dash point guard, Pistol Pete. Trieu's focus is clearly on small ball -- scoring points, jetting up and down the court, and entertaining the fans (to fill those luxury boxes). The magical Pete Maravich will fit right in. With his floppy hair and saggy socks, Maravich might not be hip hop, but here's betting that Iverson and Artest can get him to enjoy the vocal stylings of our current generation. Thug life indeed. Where's John Stockton when you need him?
And last but not least, who would Reno take in our fantasy fantasy draft? With a plethora of big men, Reno needs a big man to tutor his big men. While Pete Newell is available (during summers anyway), why go with one crotchety old guy when you can take his contemporary; one who just happens to be first dominant big man ever? That's right, we're talking about George Mikan people. And if you don't know who that is, you are no true basketball fan. George Mikan was the first superstar of the NBA and while his goofy goggles and straight edge appearance won't win him any Mr Cool awards, he knows more about basketball (presumably) than even Tex Winter or Pete Newell. He'll pass on all his tricks and some fatherly advice to young studs Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh while giving some nice tips on how to be a dominant white center to Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Brad Miller. It's George Mikan (and his protégés) versus the league!
Buffy is stacked. Young leaders like Chris Paul and Joe Johnson are ready to take veterans like Chris Webber, Baron Davis, Antawn Jamison, and Shaquille O'Neal to the promised land. Well, the Diesel has been there four times, but of late, he's needed some help. While Shaq has always been a powerful leader, his ability to galvanize and influence will fade with age. If you notice, Buffy is composed of players who have never had success in the playoffs -- outside of Shaq. Who's gonna take this team to the next level? Rashard Lewis? C Webb -- the unclutchest player ever? Very doubtful. This team needs some magic, or more accurately, they need Big Game James. Mr Worthy has won championships at every level of basketball and his nickname says it all -- he's big game. And he's exactly what this team needs to bring home the trophy.
Another team looking for a little motivation is Morrie's Pogiboys. While Alvin's team already has a great leader and clutch performer in Chauncey Billups, everyone else on the roster is just promise. Elton Brand and Chris Kaman are a (very) promising front line. Gerald Wallace and Channing Frye have promising futures ahead. Stephon Marbury -- a native New Yorker who desperately wants to bring a trophy home to Madison Square Garden -- has always been about unfulfilled promise. This team desperately needs some inspiration and motivation. So we go back to 1970, Game 7, Knicks versus the Lakers. An injured Willis Reed walks out of the tunnel, hits his first two shots, and the Knicks run away to their first championship. Willis can walk out of that tunnel again...April 2007. Slow-motion shot on Pogiboy trophy ceremony, cut scene, roll credits. Video edited and produced by Matrix and Porta.
What to buy for the team that has four multi-talented swingmen (Pierce, Vince, Jefferson, Odom)? How about one of the greatest swingmen ever? Scottie Pippen! Sure Scottie was a bit of an insecure malcontent but Vince Carter needs a drinking buddy right? And Paul Pierce is man enough for both of them. A migraine? Try coming back after getting stabbed a bazillion times Scottie! And we're not talking stabs of the verbal variety either. Despite his sometimes delicate mental makeup, Pippen was the ultimate player. Dominant on defense, great on offense, and athletic as hell. He's what Pierce, Vince, Jefferson, and Odom wish they could be. Scottie never got to lead his own team to a championship; but with Ping's team, he will.
Trieu started off his draft with two of the most exciting players of the current era -- Steve Nash and Allen Iverson -- so it makes sense for him to continue that trend and draft the original flash and dash point guard, Pistol Pete. Trieu's focus is clearly on small ball -- scoring points, jetting up and down the court, and entertaining the fans (to fill those luxury boxes). The magical Pete Maravich will fit right in. With his floppy hair and saggy socks, Maravich might not be hip hop, but here's betting that Iverson and Artest can get him to enjoy the vocal stylings of our current generation. Thug life indeed. Where's John Stockton when you need him?
And last but not least, who would Reno take in our fantasy fantasy draft? With a plethora of big men, Reno needs a big man to tutor his big men. While Pete Newell is available (during summers anyway), why go with one crotchety old guy when you can take his contemporary; one who just happens to be first dominant big man ever? That's right, we're talking about George Mikan people. And if you don't know who that is, you are no true basketball fan. George Mikan was the first superstar of the NBA and while his goofy goggles and straight edge appearance won't win him any Mr Cool awards, he knows more about basketball (presumably) than even Tex Winter or Pete Newell. He'll pass on all his tricks and some fatherly advice to young studs Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh while giving some nice tips on how to be a dominant white center to Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Brad Miller. It's George Mikan (and his protégés) versus the league!
1:09 PM
The Rivalry Starts Today
West
The Western Conference is looking like it's going to shape to be a high flying conference, just like the NBA -- Paul Westphal (and Mike D'Antoni) would be proud. Traditionally the West has been about flash and dash. It looks like "Showtime" won't be leaving the West Coast anytime soon.
Nowhere is this entertaining aesthetic more true than Trieu's ironically named Sour Snails. PGs Steve Nash and Allen Iverson will be perfect complements in the backcourt as they speed their way to a flurry of points, assists, threes, and stls. And what about Roger's duo of Chris Paul and Joe Johnson? Both are stellar playmakers in their own right and with sweet shooting Rashard Lewis and Antawn Jamison spreading the floor, they'll be racking up the assists. Paul and Johnson are the Kidd and Pierce of their generation.
Two of this conferences' best teams will be Eric-L and Ping's core of swingmen. Ping has Paul Pierce and Vince Carter, two of the most well-rounded fantasy players out there (along with the equally explosive Richard Jefferson in a later round). Each are explosive and fully in their primes. The Half-Man, Half-Amazing Truth is that the Phanatics will be flying high out of the gates. Eric-L's team has Dwayne Wade and Tracy McGrady, who are just as talented and effective as Pierce-Carter. If McGrady can stay healthy, he's one of the top fantasy players in the game. I'd like to dub them "T-Wac." Don't forget that Eric-L's power forward Jermaine O'Neal isn't exactly a stick in the mud either.
As for Jon's Funk Coalition, they're ready to get into a shoot out every game with Michael Redd and Carmelo spotting up, while the passing genius of Lebron James finds them. Who needs rebounders when you ever only hit the bottom of the net? The sole Western team featuring any semblance of a traditional post power is Evan's, with Tim Duncan anchoring the middle. But even this team will be high flying as number zero Gilbert Arenas takes the ball coast to coast by himself or with the "Human Movie Trailer," Josh Smith, at his side.
East
It's a slightly different story in the East, where every team (save one) has a legitmate big man or 7-footer. The East is all about roughing up those flashy Western teams. The Bad Boy owners of the Midwest had a defensive philosophy ingrained into them at a young age so it's no surprise that they've pretty much cornered the market on stellar big men. In fact, cornering the entire market on up-and-coming big men is DJ Reno, who doubled up with both Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard. Thus, two of the most successful direct out of high school draft picks now get to play side by side and they'll punish any foes who dare to enter the lane (Brad Miller in Round 4 makes it three human trees in four rounds for Reno).
Understanding that balanced inside-out play can be the key to success, East owners Brian, Oliver, and Alvin all went big and small with their first two picks. Alvin took hometown hero Chauncey Billups, along with punishing power forward Elton Brand -- who both had career years last year and are sitting solidly in their primes. Brian's combination of Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett pretty much covers every conceivable stat category in the game and with the addition of rough-n-tough Carlos Boozer and mini-KG, Boris Diaw, looks pretty damn formidable.
The really scary Gumby & Pokey combination is Kobe and Yao, who might very well become a real Lakers' combination if Jerry Buss can help it. Oliver's Italian and Chinese born talents are both (arguably) the best in the game at their position -- and Yao is finally showing how dominant he can be; and not just at math.
Proving that he's all about flexibility, Eric-A went right to work putting Mr Fantastic, Dirk Nowitzki (a true standout in all 9 categories) and Jason Kidd (the most versatile PG of his era) together. In addition, this year's X-Factor, Amare Stoudamire, might just return to his dominant self and provide another inside force in the East. This superhero themed team is crazy versatile and crazy dangerous. Adding multiple defensive player of the year Ben Wallace could insure the BLKs title for Eric-A.
One team that might be even more BLK crazy is Jose's duo of Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko. The Matrix and AK47 will wreak havoc in every defensive category and then some. In rotisserie leagues both are usually top three players. How will their talents mesh together? It looks like J's team will not rough you up on D as much as finesse their way to stopping you from achieving your goal. The addition of point guards Mike Bibby and Andre Miller point this team toward an untraditional non-points based emphasis. The Pooh Bears are my pre-season pick for most interesting squad to watch.
So, which conference is better?... Can't we all just get along?
The Western Conference is looking like it's going to shape to be a high flying conference, just like the NBA -- Paul Westphal (and Mike D'Antoni) would be proud. Traditionally the West has been about flash and dash. It looks like "Showtime" won't be leaving the West Coast anytime soon.
Nowhere is this entertaining aesthetic more true than Trieu's ironically named Sour Snails. PGs Steve Nash and Allen Iverson will be perfect complements in the backcourt as they speed their way to a flurry of points, assists, threes, and stls. And what about Roger's duo of Chris Paul and Joe Johnson? Both are stellar playmakers in their own right and with sweet shooting Rashard Lewis and Antawn Jamison spreading the floor, they'll be racking up the assists. Paul and Johnson are the Kidd and Pierce of their generation.
Two of this conferences' best teams will be Eric-L and Ping's core of swingmen. Ping has Paul Pierce and Vince Carter, two of the most well-rounded fantasy players out there (along with the equally explosive Richard Jefferson in a later round). Each are explosive and fully in their primes. The Half-Man, Half-Amazing Truth is that the Phanatics will be flying high out of the gates. Eric-L's team has Dwayne Wade and Tracy McGrady, who are just as talented and effective as Pierce-Carter. If McGrady can stay healthy, he's one of the top fantasy players in the game. I'd like to dub them "T-Wac." Don't forget that Eric-L's power forward Jermaine O'Neal isn't exactly a stick in the mud either.
As for Jon's Funk Coalition, they're ready to get into a shoot out every game with Michael Redd and Carmelo spotting up, while the passing genius of Lebron James finds them. Who needs rebounders when you ever only hit the bottom of the net? The sole Western team featuring any semblance of a traditional post power is Evan's, with Tim Duncan anchoring the middle. But even this team will be high flying as number zero Gilbert Arenas takes the ball coast to coast by himself or with the "Human Movie Trailer," Josh Smith, at his side.
East
It's a slightly different story in the East, where every team (save one) has a legitmate big man or 7-footer. The East is all about roughing up those flashy Western teams. The Bad Boy owners of the Midwest had a defensive philosophy ingrained into them at a young age so it's no surprise that they've pretty much cornered the market on stellar big men. In fact, cornering the entire market on up-and-coming big men is DJ Reno, who doubled up with both Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard. Thus, two of the most successful direct out of high school draft picks now get to play side by side and they'll punish any foes who dare to enter the lane (Brad Miller in Round 4 makes it three human trees in four rounds for Reno).
Understanding that balanced inside-out play can be the key to success, East owners Brian, Oliver, and Alvin all went big and small with their first two picks. Alvin took hometown hero Chauncey Billups, along with punishing power forward Elton Brand -- who both had career years last year and are sitting solidly in their primes. Brian's combination of Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett pretty much covers every conceivable stat category in the game and with the addition of rough-n-tough Carlos Boozer and mini-KG, Boris Diaw, looks pretty damn formidable.
The really scary Gumby & Pokey combination is Kobe and Yao, who might very well become a real Lakers' combination if Jerry Buss can help it. Oliver's Italian and Chinese born talents are both (arguably) the best in the game at their position -- and Yao is finally showing how dominant he can be; and not just at math.
Proving that he's all about flexibility, Eric-A went right to work putting Mr Fantastic, Dirk Nowitzki (a true standout in all 9 categories) and Jason Kidd (the most versatile PG of his era) together. In addition, this year's X-Factor, Amare Stoudamire, might just return to his dominant self and provide another inside force in the East. This superhero themed team is crazy versatile and crazy dangerous. Adding multiple defensive player of the year Ben Wallace could insure the BLKs title for Eric-A.
One team that might be even more BLK crazy is Jose's duo of Shawn Marion and Andrei Kirilenko. The Matrix and AK47 will wreak havoc in every defensive category and then some. In rotisserie leagues both are usually top three players. How will their talents mesh together? It looks like J's team will not rough you up on D as much as finesse their way to stopping you from achieving your goal. The addition of point guards Mike Bibby and Andre Miller point this team toward an untraditional non-points based emphasis. The Pooh Bears are my pre-season pick for most interesting squad to watch.
So, which conference is better?... Can't we all just get along?
Draft Diary - Day One
October 12, 2006 - For an early review of the 2006 SlamNation draft, we bring to you live from a small living room just south of the great city of San Francisco...the first three rounds. Before we start you off, we must mention that this draft is sponsored by bubble tea, the official drink of the 2006-2007 SlamNation season. Marketing folks are putting together the Yao Ming branded packaging now.
In what many have already provocatively implied is the greatest basketball related conspiracy since Ewing went to the Knickerbockers, co-commissioner and draft arranger Jon "somehow" ends up with the number one pick. How convenient. Amid hisses and boos, Jon steps up to the podium and says that he'll renounce his throne if it pleases the fans and his fellow owners. A special presidential committee consisting of the late Richard Nixon, the wholesome Bill Clinton, and straight talker George W Bush has been convened to look into this matter. Michael Moore will release the results in a documentary entitled "Lebron & Me: Balling for Championships" -- look for it in theatres everywhere in 4-6 months.
Pick #1-4
Hurrying to make his pick, GM Jon decides to go with the obvious choice here, young sensation Lebron James. After fielding a few calls about trading down, it was decided that it would be better to stay put until cooler heads prevailed. Draft commentator and general nosy guy Isiah Thomas immediately says this is the worst pick of all time and says that he would have parlayed the #1 overall pick into Eddy Curry, Michael Olowankandi, Joe Smith, and a free trip to Vegas.
Eric-A, whose eye for talent rivals that of both Joe Dumars and Red Auerbach combined, immediately picks the most skilled white guy available, which turns out to be 7-footer Dirk Nowitzki. The other draft commentator, Dennis Rodman says, "Dirk's white like Larry, they're both overrated. If I were a few shades lighter and had less tattoos, I could shoot too." In the hopes of cloning Nowitzki, Eric-A has had two babies in the past few years, one destined to shoot like Dirk, the other fated to grow to 7-feet like him. Should Eric-A's young sons, Isaiah and Ethan, make it to the NBA, they could be collectively known as "IE" -- which would immediately give them both geek and grammar street cred.
Moving right along, Eric-L, he of no children but multitudes of Magic cards, decides to draft last season's playoff giant killer, Dwayne Wade. Cunningly re-nicknamed "The Ring" this year (in reference to Lebron's "The King"), Wade will bring his usual clutch play as he tries to acquire a shiny fantasy ring for Eric-L. ...You know, the Heat's team colors (red-black) make for quite a "wrecking ball." Perhaps Eric-L is looking to "destroy target creature or land?" Haha, um, bad Magic joke.
Jose, known otherwise as the more mysterious "J," is in the envious position of selecting the free-falling Kobe Bryant. Of course, Kobe is a punk so nobody really wants him unless a gun is put to their head so J decides to take the multi-faceted Shawn Marion instead. Despite not possessing the scoring ability of Kobe -- not with that shot certainly -- Marion is a coveted commodity for his all-around abilities and superior defensive skills (2 STL, 1.7 BLK). More importantly, as spokesman and protector of the 100-Acre Woods, what does J feel about Disney's dastardly plan to bring a girl into the world of Winnie the Pooh?
Pick #5-8
Speaking of Pooh, what about those Poobic Heirs? Sinking down to depths he never imagined he would, Kobe Bryant is taken reluctantly by Oliver, who isn't exactly a fan of Kobe but given the choice between Kobe and the now 40-year old Vlade Divac, he took Kobe. Very Jerry West-ian of him; could turn out to be the absolute steal of the draft. Speaking of Oliver, the best email address I've ever seen was that of another Oliver I know. His email address was: oliverclothesoff@aol.com, which may still be available at other email providers just in case you needed a new email. Not safe for family email groups though.
In somewhat of a stunning move, young buck Gilbert Arenas gets snatched off the board by savvy Chunky Monkeys GM Evan. Arenas seems like the next Kobe mixed with a bit of the next Artest, but that could mean great things ahead. It's hard to argue with 29 PTS, 6 AST, 4 REB, 2.5 3PT, 2 STL, and still more upside. Many an owner was hoping Arenas would fall to them in the lower half of the first round but Evan decided to preempt any fantasies by taking Gilbert at number six. Savvy, just like Captain Jack Sparrow...
It wasn't that long ago when Kevin Garnett was the best fantasy player in the land. "The Kid" is now 31 and has seemingly lost his luster. Perhaps doomed to crap teams his entire career, KG is still a one man show. His stats have "dipped" in the past few years but 21-13-4 with 1.5 STL and BLK still covers alot of a team's needs. Rumor has it that GM Brian has won 4 out of 5 fantasy football championships in the East Conference's 16-team league. That's insane. Think about it, 4 out of 5. Rumor has it that Brian also has the same magic with fantasy basketball teams. Should we really have given this man KG?
Roger, who I just found out is himself 6'1 and over 200 pounds, has been seen on the courts of UCLA playing with some of the local pros (Baron Davis to name one). Forget fantasy basketball, we need to draft Roger to come play regular basketball with us. Eric-A and Alvin, what do you think? Could the Jedi use a big guy who can run the break and drain the three? Just maybe right? Seeing as Roger might be the promised one, he understands the value of having a great point guard on the floor. The next great point guard is here, and his name is Chris Paul. After just one year in the league, Paul is already putting up 8 AST, 2 STL, and 5 REB a game. Plus, his scoring and shooting are bound to improve with age. Maybe Roger can help him out with that.
Pick #9-12
One of the owners who lusted after Arenas was Alvin. While he missed out on one of his preferred candidates, he was able to get the steady Elton Brand, which seems like a great pick at #9. Elton is essentially a Karl Malone-clone with added BLKs. While leading the Clippers back into the playoffs, Elton had an MVP type year and will probably duplicate his numbers this year with a well stocked Clipper team. That just sounds funny doesn't it?
With the 10th pick in the draft, Ping goes for the ultimate alliteration and takes Paul Pierce. I can't wait for Ping's first article to come out, which will read something like this "Paul Pierce, of Ping's Phanatics..." Oh, fun times ahead. We thank Ping for coming to American soil during our draft time. We know it was a long journey from China, but it sure makes it easier to draft for the rest of us. A big thank you for coming all this way. Ni hao ma! Xie Xie!
Newcomer Trieu (pronounced "tree-you") brings his on-court game to the fantasy world by selecting Steve Nash. Nail the three, pass the rock, cut for a nifty lay up, get the key steal, he has it all -- and Stevie's not too bad either.
I'll leave Reno's team for the next post, since this one is running way the hell too long and I lost the point of a "draft diary."
In what many have already provocatively implied is the greatest basketball related conspiracy since Ewing went to the Knickerbockers, co-commissioner and draft arranger Jon "somehow" ends up with the number one pick. How convenient. Amid hisses and boos, Jon steps up to the podium and says that he'll renounce his throne if it pleases the fans and his fellow owners. A special presidential committee consisting of the late Richard Nixon, the wholesome Bill Clinton, and straight talker George W Bush has been convened to look into this matter. Michael Moore will release the results in a documentary entitled "Lebron & Me: Balling for Championships" -- look for it in theatres everywhere in 4-6 months.
Pick #1-4
Hurrying to make his pick, GM Jon decides to go with the obvious choice here, young sensation Lebron James. After fielding a few calls about trading down, it was decided that it would be better to stay put until cooler heads prevailed. Draft commentator and general nosy guy Isiah Thomas immediately says this is the worst pick of all time and says that he would have parlayed the #1 overall pick into Eddy Curry, Michael Olowankandi, Joe Smith, and a free trip to Vegas.
Eric-A, whose eye for talent rivals that of both Joe Dumars and Red Auerbach combined, immediately picks the most skilled white guy available, which turns out to be 7-footer Dirk Nowitzki. The other draft commentator, Dennis Rodman says, "Dirk's white like Larry, they're both overrated. If I were a few shades lighter and had less tattoos, I could shoot too." In the hopes of cloning Nowitzki, Eric-A has had two babies in the past few years, one destined to shoot like Dirk, the other fated to grow to 7-feet like him. Should Eric-A's young sons, Isaiah and Ethan, make it to the NBA, they could be collectively known as "IE" -- which would immediately give them both geek and grammar street cred.
Moving right along, Eric-L, he of no children but multitudes of Magic cards, decides to draft last season's playoff giant killer, Dwayne Wade. Cunningly re-nicknamed "The Ring" this year (in reference to Lebron's "The King"), Wade will bring his usual clutch play as he tries to acquire a shiny fantasy ring for Eric-L. ...You know, the Heat's team colors (red-black) make for quite a "wrecking ball." Perhaps Eric-L is looking to "destroy target creature or land?" Haha, um, bad Magic joke.
Jose, known otherwise as the more mysterious "J," is in the envious position of selecting the free-falling Kobe Bryant. Of course, Kobe is a punk so nobody really wants him unless a gun is put to their head so J decides to take the multi-faceted Shawn Marion instead. Despite not possessing the scoring ability of Kobe -- not with that shot certainly -- Marion is a coveted commodity for his all-around abilities and superior defensive skills (2 STL, 1.7 BLK). More importantly, as spokesman and protector of the 100-Acre Woods, what does J feel about Disney's dastardly plan to bring a girl into the world of Winnie the Pooh?
Pick #5-8
Speaking of Pooh, what about those Poobic Heirs? Sinking down to depths he never imagined he would, Kobe Bryant is taken reluctantly by Oliver, who isn't exactly a fan of Kobe but given the choice between Kobe and the now 40-year old Vlade Divac, he took Kobe. Very Jerry West-ian of him; could turn out to be the absolute steal of the draft. Speaking of Oliver, the best email address I've ever seen was that of another Oliver I know. His email address was: oliverclothesoff@aol.com, which may still be available at other email providers just in case you needed a new email. Not safe for family email groups though.
In somewhat of a stunning move, young buck Gilbert Arenas gets snatched off the board by savvy Chunky Monkeys GM Evan. Arenas seems like the next Kobe mixed with a bit of the next Artest, but that could mean great things ahead. It's hard to argue with 29 PTS, 6 AST, 4 REB, 2.5 3PT, 2 STL, and still more upside. Many an owner was hoping Arenas would fall to them in the lower half of the first round but Evan decided to preempt any fantasies by taking Gilbert at number six. Savvy, just like Captain Jack Sparrow...
It wasn't that long ago when Kevin Garnett was the best fantasy player in the land. "The Kid" is now 31 and has seemingly lost his luster. Perhaps doomed to crap teams his entire career, KG is still a one man show. His stats have "dipped" in the past few years but 21-13-4 with 1.5 STL and BLK still covers alot of a team's needs. Rumor has it that GM Brian has won 4 out of 5 fantasy football championships in the East Conference's 16-team league. That's insane. Think about it, 4 out of 5. Rumor has it that Brian also has the same magic with fantasy basketball teams. Should we really have given this man KG?
Roger, who I just found out is himself 6'1 and over 200 pounds, has been seen on the courts of UCLA playing with some of the local pros (Baron Davis to name one). Forget fantasy basketball, we need to draft Roger to come play regular basketball with us. Eric-A and Alvin, what do you think? Could the Jedi use a big guy who can run the break and drain the three? Just maybe right? Seeing as Roger might be the promised one, he understands the value of having a great point guard on the floor. The next great point guard is here, and his name is Chris Paul. After just one year in the league, Paul is already putting up 8 AST, 2 STL, and 5 REB a game. Plus, his scoring and shooting are bound to improve with age. Maybe Roger can help him out with that.
Pick #9-12
One of the owners who lusted after Arenas was Alvin. While he missed out on one of his preferred candidates, he was able to get the steady Elton Brand, which seems like a great pick at #9. Elton is essentially a Karl Malone-clone with added BLKs. While leading the Clippers back into the playoffs, Elton had an MVP type year and will probably duplicate his numbers this year with a well stocked Clipper team. That just sounds funny doesn't it?
With the 10th pick in the draft, Ping goes for the ultimate alliteration and takes Paul Pierce. I can't wait for Ping's first article to come out, which will read something like this "Paul Pierce, of Ping's Phanatics..." Oh, fun times ahead. We thank Ping for coming to American soil during our draft time. We know it was a long journey from China, but it sure makes it easier to draft for the rest of us. A big thank you for coming all this way. Ni hao ma! Xie Xie!
Newcomer Trieu (pronounced "tree-you") brings his on-court game to the fantasy world by selecting Steve Nash. Nail the three, pass the rock, cut for a nifty lay up, get the key steal, he has it all -- and Stevie's not too bad either.
I'll leave Reno's team for the next post, since this one is running way the hell too long and I lost the point of a "draft diary."
Friday, October 13, 2006
5:41 PM
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