Redd-rum

Despite a sterling three wins without the heart and soul (and fist) of the team, Carmelo Anthony, the citizens of Funk-land are in no mood to celebrate Anthony's impending return. The reason? In the immortal words of Howard Cosell, "Down goes Redd! Down goes Redd!"

In case you missed that historic call, Michael Redd, the sweet-shooting lefty with the big noggin and receding hairline, is headed to the bench for six weeks after suffering a cruel twist of fate -- otherwise known as a knee injury.

The Funk were looking forward to being at full strength again -- with Anthony and Sam Cassell both returning to the lineup -- but have resigned themselves to fighting for the conference lead with yet another high scoring marquee player dinged up. What could go wrong next? Lebron James gets injured during a commercial shoot? Matt Barnes turns Average Joe? Earl Boykins isn't tall enough to get on Splash Mountain and then gets traded (a good thing in this particular case)? The Funk are ready for anything.

In related news, the Funk are in desperate talks to move some of his pieces around for another point guard. Calling all point guard owning owners. Rumors abound that Mehmet Okur is on the block, along with a bevy of nice add-ons, including a nifty new Apple iPhone for the team who is willing to deal with Funk. Please, someone, trade with me.