Melo Gonna Knock You Out

In a display of pugnaciousness, Carmelo Anthony, league scoring leader and potential MVP-candidate, took it to the streets and proved that he was no pretty boy by socking a member of the hated Knicks. For some reason, the Denver-New York rivalry has been slept on for like, well, for forever. With one swift kung-fu fist, Anthony put the "bocker" in Knickerbocker and escalated an otherwise tense but controllable situation. Good job guy, way to go! Do the words "looming suspension" mean anything to you?

While Funk representaties were appalled by this show of violence and crushed by the time that Melo is sure to miss, they had a smile on their faces as they shrugged away Melo's actions. GM Yang said, "Every man has a line, you cross that line and you gotta go down. Honor, integrity, and punching a guy when he's not looking is what we're all about."

Don't let that charming smile and the chubby cheeks fool you, Melo is an assassin. While Lebron certainly has the muscle to be the muscle, team insiders say that Carmelo is the real "heavy." It's pretty rare that the top scorer on the team is also the glue guy and the enforcer but in this case, it's exactly the role Melo plays for his team. Lebron is good in dark alleys with no photographers around but once the media spotlight is on, Lebron refuses to use his bulk in combat. No such hesitation or reservations for Anthony, obviously.

Little is known of Carmelo's turbulent past in the rough streets of Baltimore but it's rumored that he has street cred on the level of a Tupac or dare we say it, a Biggie. Melo has been known to bankroll a slew of inner city projects; from films and parties to soup kitchens, turkey bakes, and the annual lemonade expo.

What can we say? This moment was coming. You can take a man out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto of the man. Plus, it's the damn Knicks, they deserved it (see below). One word of advice to David Stern and other foes of Funk Coalition: "Stop Snitching."

PS: How dumb are the Knicks? Their smallest (Nate Robinson) and skinniest (Jared Jeffries) players are the ones trying to start everything? Who's gonna back them up? All those swingmen and point guards? You know Eddy Curry couldn't get over in time to do anything-- unless there was a buffet to clean up. Ridiculous.