Recap: Week 5

Inter-Conference Games
none

Conference Games
6-3, Funk Coalition vs Sour Snails
5-4, Fat Jubas vs Phanatics
7-2, Buffy vs Chunky Monkeys
4-3, Human Amoebas vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
5-4, Squirtle Squad vs Pooh Bears
6-3, Rhythm Drive vs Poobic Heirs
(statistics)

6-3, Funk Coalition vs Sour Snails
The Snails didn't stand much of a chance this week, with Steve Nash sitting on the bench while the injured Morris Peterson took his spot. That would account for the 5 GP gap between these two teams. Allen Iverson had a great week (36 PTS, 7 AST, 3.6 STL) but it's starting to look like the Snails are like the real life Sixers. Steve Nash, get back in here! The Funk on the other hand is still churning along and it's Carmelo Anthony who's pushing Lebron for early season Funk MVP. Carmelo put up 36.7 points to Lebron's 26.3 this week, and was comparable in REB-AST-STL-3PT, with a far better FG%. Who're we kidding! Lebron's still the man here. But this 1-2 scoring punch (plus Michael Redd) is steadying the Coalition week in and week out.

5-4, Fat Jubas vs Phanatics
Division leader Fat Jubas squeaks a win in their matchup with the Phanatics this week. They needed every one of their extra 5 GP to win the war in the passing lanes (117-105). Aside from that, it was pretty lopsided, with the Phanatics taking TO, both the percentages, and rocking the three point line (36-16) but losing the other categories by a large margin. The Phanatics gave it a go by putting in rookie point guard Marcus Williams -- in a wise move to get more AST -- but that didn't quite pan out. The Jubas took the win but may have an injured Tracy McGrady to contend with. But hey, Josh Howard is back and he's playing great (21.6 PTS, 6.67 REB, 54.8 FG%). Who would have predicted the Jubas being the best team in the West? Well, they are!

7-2, Buffy vs Chunky Monkeys
Their 3-2 record may not reflect it, but Buffy is a beast. With only 32 games this week, they put up 597 PTS, 112 AST, 41 STL, and 47 3PT. Like we said before, now that the Baron is back (despite playing only 2 games), Buffy is winning; and winning big. Joe Johnson is a man-stud (33.25 PTS, 5 REB/AST, 3.25 3PT avg) but he's not alone as -- of all people -- Eddy Curry rebounded with 24.75 PTS this week. Curry even literally rebounded a little, with 7.5 REB in four games. This team is dangerous and highly explosive, just like their leader, Chris Paul (20 PTS, 7 REB, 15 AST, 4.5 STL this week).

There's not a whole lot of positives when you lose 7-2. The Monkeys have been undergoing some lineup upheaval in recent weeks and it looks like they struck out this time. Normally an excellent distance shooting team, they only put in 17 3PT. They won REB and BLK, but Emeka Okafor had a terrible week with a 10 PTS, 7 REB and "only" 2.25 BLK average over four games. Aberration? Or is Okafor already wearing down? Manu Ginobili sat out the week and the extent of his back injury is unknown. Fred Jones fell off the map with 10 PTS, 5 REB, 3 AST/STL, and 1 3PT in four games...total. I guess if you're going to have a bad week, everyone should have it at the same time right?

4-3, Human Amoebas vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
The Amoebas and the Pogiboys played to a standstill in STL and 3PT but at the end of the day, it was the Amoebas 35 point edge in PTS that secured the win. Oh, and did we mention that the Pogiboys played 7 more games this week? Astonishing. In that light, the Amoebas had a great week while the Pogiboys couldn't quite bring home a victory despite playing nearly 25% more games than the Amoebas. In good Pogiboy news, Elton Brand is rounding into shape (20 PTS, 10 REB, 2 BLK avg and 51.9 FG%).

For the Amoebas, they are still looking pretty damn good. Especially Amare Stoudemire (22 PTS, 13 REB, 66.7 FG%) who is plenty effective enough without 100% healthy knees. And here comes Marvin Williams (soon) to spice up the season. Big Ben needs to step it up though. C'mon buddy, we believe in the 'fro, don't let the young guns out-shine you. All those muscles have to be good for something right? Even old man Mike Finley made an appearance this week, and contributed 8.6 points per on 27.6% shooting. Every old gunslinger gets one more shot right? Even if they're totally off the mark.


5-4, Squirtle Squad vs Pooh Bears
Here's the real Beast of the East. The Squirtles are on a three game win streak and show no signs of slowing down. Try this on for size: 569 PTS and 232 REB on the week. Wowza. Despite dead-eye Ray Allen misfiring all over the place (40.4 FG% from Ray-Ray?!), the Squirtles are just good enough everywhere else to take care of business. KG and Boozer are killing people on the glass and Deron Williams is showing why he was drafted ahead of Chris Paul. Another week, another white Squirtle player steps up. This time it's the sexy Argentinian, Andres Nocioni, notching 21.6 PTS, 5.3 REB and 3.3 3PT on 51.0 FG%. Can Nenad Krstic's breakout week be far behind? And let's not forget Erick Dampier, Mr Double-Double (and 70.0 FG%), who may never be mentioned on this blog positively again, if history holds any truth. Go Damp!

It's not like the Pooh Bears just rolled over this week, they just couldn't quite come up with that game saving block at the end (losing BLK by one) to secure a win. The Pooh Bears are the East's punching bag (their sole win came against the West), but it's hard to compete when your team is in tatters. Josh Childress, Bobby Simmons, and Peja Stojakovic are all sitting due to injuries. The good news? Pau Gasol is about to return to the lineup; some two months earlier than scheduled. Getting Pau to play soon would probably take the Pooh Bears right over the top. The Bears do have the most underrated point guard duo in the league with Brevin Knight and Andre Miller. The two combine for over 16 AST per game on the season and keep their FG% high by not shooting from distance (since neither can). The Bears aren't going into winter hibernation this December, they're still hungry for a win! Or, I guess, honey would do in a pinch.

6-3, Rhythm Drive vs Poobic Heirs
And the beat goes on as Rhythm Drive down big man Yao Ming and his Poobic Heirs with an oustanding week from his big men, Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh. Dwight showed Yao what America is made of by stuffing him to the tune of 20 PTS, 12.75 REB and 2.75 BLK. Bosh then proved that Canada isn't to be trifled with either by dropping 22 PTS, 12.25 REB and 1.25 BLK on Team Yao. It's not like Yao just rolled over (22.3 PTS, 7 REB, 1.7 BLK) but he had no support from his Australian homey Andrew Bogut. It's good to be big, but it's better to be big squared. The only misstep by Rhythm Drive this week was playing Mickael Pietrus (2 games) over Adam Morrison (4 games). Do you not believe in the 'stache Reno? What more does Adam have to do! And how about Stevie Francis? Francis is flashing his all-around game (10 PTS, 2.75 REB, 7 AST, 2 STL avg) and while he may no longer be the franchise, he's helping to support the big men with his solid play.

As for the Poobic Heirs, they suffered a smart ass whooping as they got edged in all categories except for PTS and the two percentages. They've got some real interesting utility pieces on the bench -- Devin Harris, Samuel Dalembert, Shane Battier -- but if Kobe's not going to do much more than score (only 11 REB, 10 AST and 2 STL in 3 games), this team won't win. Well-rounded Kobe with action passing arm, we need you for the holidays baby! And Caron Butler, start swiping the ball already; he's averaging under 1 steal a game in his last 10 games, that's not what a master defender should be doing.