Oh Poo(h)p

During the draft, I carefully monitored J's team because it looked so intriguing. Matrix and AK47 are fantasy stalwarts who are anything but ordinary on the score sheet. Putting a contending team around them would be interesting and require a deft touch. So far however, this team is anything but a contender. They've only won two games -- against two of the worst teams in the league (Sour Snails and Pogiboys) -- and things aren't looking much better. So, what's going on?

PTS, REB, AST: Well, right off the bat, nobody's going to confuse the Bears with an offensive juggernaut. They are ranked 9th in PTS; which is actually not too bad considering that none of their top picks are bonafide scorers -- the real question is, who the heck is ranked below them? Scoring was never going to be this team's forte anyway so that's okay. However, ranking a lowly 9th in REB hurts. This team should be strong on the boards in theory, but they've only got Marion and Chris Wilcox averaging more than six boards a game. It's not a good sign when the frail Tayshaun Prince is your third best rebounder (at 5.8 per). The team is pretty good in ASTs with Andre Miller (9.1 per), Brevin Knight (7.3) and Mike Bibby (6.0) all putting up excellent passing numbers but one more passing type, or more of a team effort, could push them over the top; above their current 6th ranking.

STL, BLK, 3PT: This is where the Pooh Bears were supposed to make their mark, STL and BLK. Marion and Kirilenko are both defensive machines and they should anchor the team there -- however, the team is only ranked a middling 6th in both categories. Marion and AK47 are putting up a little over 4 combined blocks per game, but there's no support from the rest of the team. And to be honest, the Mad Russian has been a bit of a disappointment this year, mainly in the scoring department, but also with his REB and STL numbers -- not even one steal per game. The potential for a good STL team is here but they're going to need someone else to help Marion and make up for AK47's lost production. Brevin Knight, Andre Miller, and the newly acquired Ruben Patterson are all fine ball thieves.

This team is essentially lost in 3PT -- ranked 8th -- especially with Peja Stojakovic lost for an extended amount of time. The one thing that the Miller/Knight point guard combo don't do is shoot from distance. Luther Head and his crazy 3PT could help here, but even with his possible 2.5 per game, this team is far from challenging the league leaders here. Ben Gordon runs very hot but he can also go very cold. Maybe Marion will find his stroke again but perhaps not -- 1.3 3PT isn't too bad from him regardless.

FG%, FT%, TO: The team is a combination of horrible shooters and great shooters. Patterson, Wilcox, Gasol, Childress, and Marion fall into the latter category, everyone else is poor to terrible. Bibby especially has been terrible (35.1%) but he should be much better. This oil and water mix translates to a ranking of 8th in FG%. The good news is that this team is pretty good from the charity stripe (ranked 5th) and the only terrible FT% shooters -- Wilcox and Patterson -- don't shoot enough free throws to make a huge difference. Keeping a careful eye on this category could make a big difference. The best news overall is that this team doesn't turn the ball over often -- except for Ben Gordon, who doesn't return the AST compared to his TO numbers. Everyone else either doesn't handle the ball much, or protects it religiously. Good for fourth in the league.

Bench: For the most part, the bench has been an ER room. Peja is down for the count. Josh Childress has been out for most of the season. Brevin Knight has missed quite a few games. And Pau Gasol just returned (early) from his broken foot. That's four out of five bench spots spent on injured players. The last spot is generally reserved for Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Andreson Varejao, or the new flavor of the week -- Luther Head currently.

Cure: What ails the Bears is the injuries of course, but also a slight lack of focus. After eight weeks of play, it's clear that the Bears won't be scoring champions anytime soon. The first thing to do is ditch PTS -- like altogether. There's no sense for this team to fight it out for PTS. Not enough high powered scorers here.

So, following that logic, who needs to go? First off, Ben Gordon. He's a great talent, and a nice scorer, but miscast on this team. Gordon can drop in the points (19.2) and shoot a few threes (1.5) but his turnover to assist ratio is atrocious. There are a lot of teams who could use a nice scoring option despite those weaknesses, just not the Bears. See you later Little Ben.

Once Gordon goes, and Bibby gets his groove back, FG% will rise to respectable and competitive levels again (the only potentially horrible shooter here is Head, but that's a necessary headache; unless a higher percentage shooter with 3PT capability can be found such as Wally Sczerbiak or Raja Bell).

The other question is if Peja can be moved. He's useful for his 3PT and his fine FT%, but he's injured and clearly not the player he once was. He doesn't hurt this team in any category but he's not a huge asset either. Luther Head could do his job, and better -- assuming he gets enough minutes to jack up threes. In truth, one hot 3PT shooting hand can win a close long range battle, so 3PT is never quite lost. Ruben Patterson fits in pretty nicely on this team (despite his horrific FT%) and will hopefully continue to produce.

Varejao and Abdur-Rahim can go. They're decent players but are useless in this lineup. Varejao is only solid when Gooden is out and that's not often enough. Shareef's prime is over and he doesn't contribute in anything but PTS and REB -- and not quite enough on the boards.

Anyone who can REB and do something else that's not scoring is welcome. David Lee (or even Zaza Pachulia) would be perfect since he has sterling percentages, STL, and great REB. Maybe even target the slumping Gerald Wallace and Emeka Okafor or somebody like that to really pump up those STL or BLK numbers.

What this team needs are: another shot blocker, another strong rebounder, another ball thief, and another assist man -- even a four or five assist a game guy. Luckily, the return of Pau covers the first two needs, leaving just the last two pieces. The bait? Gordon and Josh Childress, whose great FG% is wasted on the Bears.

Fight hard for REB, BLK, STL and then let matchups win AST, FG%, FT% or 3PT. Trade and pick up guys who won't hurt turning the ball over or missing shots from the stripe; just make sure these new guys have a strength in one of the aforementioned positive categories. That's the idea anyway. There is no clear dominant strength on this team, but they are a solid middle of the pack in nearly everything. With the return of Pau, the real AK47, and a few tweaks to the roster, this team can be just as sweet as honey. Mmmmh.

Shopping List: Jameer Nelson, Mehmet Okur, Mike Dunleavy, Raja Bell, Ben Wallace, Jarrett Jack, Josh Howard, Darko Milicic, Zaza Pachulia, Al Jefferson, Andrew Bogut, Rasheed Wallace, Shane Battier, Emeka Okafor, Mo Williams, Shaun Livingston, Andris Biedrins, Jorge Garbajosa, David Lee, Mickael Pietrus, Sean May, Erick Dampier, Boris Diaw, Jamaal Tinsley, JR Smith, Luke Walton, Gerald Wallace, Channing Frye, Speedy Claxton, Alonzo Mourning, David West, Luke Ridnour, Nazr Mohammed, Charlie Bell, Ron Artest, Wally Szerbiak, Larry Hughes, Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, Brad Miller, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Mike Miller.

News alert: The reason J's basketball team has been so bad? His keeper football team won their first championship this season! That's why! Congrats!