Recap: Week 6

Inter-Conference Games
5-4, Human Amoebas vs Funk Coalition
6-3, Buffy vs Rhythm Drive
Conference Games
5-4, Fat Jubas vs Sour Snails
8-1, Chunky Monkeys vs Phanatics
7-2, Pooh Bears vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
5-4, Squirtle Squad vs The Poobic Heirs
(statistics)

8-1, Chunky Monkeys vs Phanatics
What would happen if a NBA team played a college team? Well, the results would probably be a blow out, just like this game. Has anyone won 8-1 yet this season? Well, the Monkeys did it behind Gilbert Arenas and um, Gilbert Arenas. Yowza, what a stat line for Agent Zero -- 37.25 PTS, 5.5 AST, 2 STL, 4.5 3PT and 51.5 FG% per game. Hell, the Monkeys even won TO handily, despite playing 4 more games. The one category they lost? FT%, their usual Achilles Heel. For the Phreaks, the big three of Vince Carter, Paul Pierce, and Lamar Odom didn't put up their usual sterling numbers but mor likely, it was the lackluster efforts of Hedo Turkoglu, Antoine Walker, and Marcus Williams (combined for 56 PTS, 27 REB, 24 AST, less than 40.0 FG% total over 9 games) that doomed them to an embarassing loss.

5-4, Fat Jubas vs Sour Snails
The Snails just don't like to play games do they? Already running a huge GP gap for the season, they suited up for only 26 games this week (versus 34 for Jubas). Is it any surprise they lost? The Jubas are actually a very tough matchup for the Snails since they AST and STL so well. Josh Howard, Leandro Barbosa, Andre Iguodala, Corey Maggette, and Tracy McGrady all added 5+ STL each, and Dwayne Wade stole 9. That's gonna win STL against anyone (45 total). The Jubas are on a roll and have taken three in a row while the Snails remain winless -- going short-handed every week is probably not the way to secure that first win (Jason Richardson and Wally Szczerbiak both notched no GP). And now the question is, how long will AI sit as he waits for a new address?

7-2, Pooh Bears vs MoRRie's Pogiboys
Man, the Pogiboys are a disaster. Sure the Bears weren't looking so hot entering the week (also owning only one win) but they took care of business and wiped the Pogiboys' drooling chins. Free agent pickup Ruben Patterson (17.75 PTS, 5.75 REB avg) helped the Matrix lead the team to victory -- Ruben Patterson! The entire Pooh Bears bench is incapacitated or not playing, and Brevin Knight just got hurt too. The great news here is that Pau Gasol may return as soon as this week. If anyone needs a hairy Spainard to jump start their winning ways, it's the Pooh Bears.

Alvin, what's going on buddy? I know you wanted to up the confidence of your fellow owners in the East by throwing a few games, but enough is enough. Elton Brand is rounding into "pretty decent" status (23 PTS, 7.67 REB, 2.33 BLK per) but is that enough from a first round pick? Chauncey Billups is still a passing machine (7.33 AST per) but he can hardly do it alone. The third best player on this team? Um, Kwame Brown? It's time for the Pogiboys to make miracles happen. But if anyone can do it, it's Alvin. All I can say on the subject is "dixon cox."

5-4, Squirtle Squad vs The Poobic Heirs
This was the big chance for Kobe and Co to make a splash and up-end the conference leader. Tragically, Kobe dumped in only 13 REB and 7 AST total (albeit with 26.3 PTS, 2.67 STL, 3 3PT, 51.7 FG%) and without much support from anyone else, the Heirs fell a little bit short. Short Poobic Heirs, itchy. Yao Ming had 17 turnovers on the week, that's 4.25 per game; the block by mini-might Nate Robinson must have really done a number on him. Still, Yao's easily the best fantasy center in the land. For some reason, Jalen Rose is still on this team, nostalgia perhaps?

This might be the Squirtles last easy win as franchise player Ray Allen takes a seat on the bench. Oh wait, Kevin Garnett is the franchise player here and he's feeling just fine (24.3 PTS, 12.3 AST, 3 BLK per). I'll tell you who's starting to make some moves, it's Boris Diaw (55 PTS, 20 REB, 30 AST, 4 BLK and 58.1%) finally flashing -- a little bit -- his all around game. Welcome to the 2006 season Boris, nice of you to join us...

5-4, Human Amoebas vs Funk Coalition
For such a high scoring team, the Funk certainly put up a dud this week. Despite playing a full slate of 34 games, they only put up 479 PTS after never dipping below 500. The Amoebas, on the other hand, demand the best from their opponents and when that doesn't happen, they win. With Jarrett Jack leading the way with an excellent week (19 PTS, 4 REB, 6.75 AST, 50.0 FG%, 90.0 FT% per) along with the always reliable Dirk Nowitski and Zach Randolph, the Amoeba consumed the Funk and the score doesn't indicate how much of a beat down this actually was. The Funk took Kyle Korver out of the lineup in favor of tiny Earl Boykins and lost 3PT by 3, whoops.

6-3, Buffy vs Rhythm Drive
Buffy has no problem filling the stat sheet as they rode Eddy Curry (28 PTS, 11.67 REB, 64.8 FG% avg) and the usual Four Horsemen -- Chris Paul, Joe Johnson, Rashard Lewis, Baron -- to an easy victory. It's bombs away every week for this squad (627 PTS, 39 STL, 43 STL) and it's hard for opponents to keep up. Is JR Smith going to continue soaring in the Rocky Mountains (22.3 PTS, 3.33 3PT, 52.8 FG%)? The crazy thing is that this team shot a combined 51.9 FG%. That's ridiculous.

Rhythm Drive didn't shoot a too shabby 49.3 FG%, but that wasn't quite enough. This team isn't built for speed and high scores and lost out to a bad matchup. Chris Bosh only played 2 games this week so Rhythm Drive was starting out undermanned a bit. Never fear, next week (and Brad Miller) is here!